Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

[aibuQuestion]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

Would you really have isolated from your 2 year old?

She should have told you as soon as she had symptoms, absolutely.

Even if she didn't give it to you but you caught it elsewhere, that still applies as at that point she had symptoms and you didn't.

You have been very patient with people on this thread OP. Some people are so keen to tell people off for being terrified of getting it or blaming others for giving it to them that they don't pause to realise that is not at all what you are saying or what the thread is about.

@Inkpaperstars

She should have told you as soon as she had symptoms, absolutely.

Even if she didn't give it to you but you caught it elsewhere, that still applies as at that point she had symptoms and you didn't.

You have been very patient with people on this thread OP. Some people are so keen to tell people off for being terrified of getting it or blaming others for giving it to them that they don't pause to realise that is not at all what you are saying or what the thread is about.

Yes on reading the specific question from op, you are right.

@Lollyneenah

I feel so shit reading this- I gave my friends son covid 2 weeks ago, I babysit so she could get coffee alone with her mum and started feeling unwell while he was with me. She too had been really careful and had effectively been a bit of a hermit since march. Was her first time out having a coffee.

Luckily for me shes not angry with me etc but the guilt is horrible

How do you think you got it?

I tend to go by the principal of assuming everyone I come into contact with potentially has it (as you’d never know), and in that case it is my responsibility to distance or take my chances.

We are all adults, and must make our own decisions, we all know the risks.

My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members.

this here is not correct, your dh work mates don't have to self isolate as your dh hasn't tested positive - if or when he does then the work mates may need to SI if they've been closer than 2 m for more than 15 minutes

YANBU. Friend should have let you know at the point when she developed symptoms that warranted a test.

@JeanClaudeVanDammit yes I'd have isolated from my child, she was premature and I've not quite got over that (as you may be able to tell).

Thanks to those posters who have understood where I'm coming from. I genuinely wanted to know how ridiculous I was being but being able to read replies from those who understand me and understand the post has helped me deal with the other posts!

I don't hold actually GETTING the virus against my friend but she's one of my closest friends locally so yes would have been nice to be the first to know of the symptoms. She had them for 48 hours before telling me.

In our case my DH would very easily have been able to WFH as soon as we knew of the symptoms - it's not gov guidelines but we would be doing our bit to help stop the spread.

@Lollyneenah don't feel bad, you didn't do it on purpose!

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter yes as all SD! Except the babysitting as baby was very small. My bad.

I really accept my responsibility in getting covid guys... news flash! Read the OP.

@yellowsun

The schools guidance is that everyone goes about their business until a positive test result. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She may have been worried about making you anxious for no reason if it wasn’t positive.

In reality, how much would you have been able to isolate yourself from your family?

I thought you had to self isolate while waiting for a test result as does everyone in your household

I agree she should have told you about the symptoms as soon as she decided they warranted a test but a lot of people won't agree

Infectious period starts 48 hours before symptoms show, so very possible to be infected by someone not showing any symptoms yet

Unless she was already unwell, or knew she had been exposed, at the time when you came to babysit, (you say that her symptoms started the day after) I don't think you can blame her. Also the period of time from exposure to your getting ill seems unusually short. As the incubation period varies, it's not impossible that you caught it from her or her child, but it's more likely that you were already coming down with it.

Babysitting a friend's child, who still needs to be kept in a sling, was always going to be somewhat of a risk, and one which you accepted. It's not as though your friend had symptoms that she was keeping secret.

I do hope that you and your family are all fine soon.

We catch things from others all the time. When I've had flu I don't blame it on someone who might or might not have "infected me" because generally, we don't all go around with illnesses thinking that it would be fun to give them to other people.

She clearly didn't know she had it. You saw her, she seemed fine and then she wasn't fine. Same with you. You also don't know for sure that you caught it from her, all you know is that you caught it and now you have it and will - hopefully - fully recover and all will be well again.

Focus on getting well, not on being angry with someone else who is also ill and trying to get well themself.

YABU. She may have thought telling you before she got the positive would cause needless worry- I'm sure she was hoping it would come back negative!

@Vargas

And actually a similar thing happened to me recently. A friend I'd had a coffee with got symptoms next day and immediately messaged everyone who had been with her. I was due to be visiting my MIL (80+) that weekend and would not have gone if my friend hadn't messaged again next day to say test was negative. If she hadn't had test result back yet then we would have postponed visiting MIL.

And I still don't get why people on this thread don't understand your fairly basic timeline!

Exactly. While people don't have to isolate if a contact only suspects they have Covid they can make different decisions about what they choose to do, in order to allow for the increased new risk that they may have contracted the virus.

Everyone is so keen on making their own risk assessments but those are difficult to make without the right information.

@Letsgetgoing123 I work for the ambulance service and my dh in a red ward so it was a matter of time really impossible to pin point.
@aibuQuestion I really do feel for you, the outlying symptoms are really weird and not enjoyable at all, tummyaches and stabbing sides/back here too. I hope it passes very quickly for you. And as you say it is possible to not transfer it to your family if you're very careful, I've been masking up to help DC wash and antibacing surfaces constantly, telling touch points etc so luckily for us the dc are fine. Still stuck with me and dh though.

Do you have many days isolation left?

Agree with others, acknowledge your own part in this, don't lay all the blame at your friends door. You don't sound like much of a friend tbh.

@ulanbatorismynextstop have you been reading the OP's posts?? She's been doing that throughout the entire thread!

The only person you should be cross with is yourself. You chose to look after someone else's baby and - inexplicably - chose to hold that baby close to your body the entire time when you could easily have put it in a pushchair or similar and taken a walk.

I don't hold actually GETTING the virus against my friend but she's one of my closest friends locally so yes would have been nice to be the first to know of the symptoms. She had them for 48 hours before telling me.

Oh give over! The symptoms are indistinguishable from any minor run down or slight cold. Just accept that this has happened and move on.

I told everyone as soon as I had symptoms. I get you op. I didn't want anyone I'd been in contact with, inadvertently passing it on.

I really don't know why everyone can't see this. As you said, what if you'd seen vulnerable parents and they'd subsequently died? I know someone whose mother infected three of her grandparents. You could have done that because she didn't bother to tell you. It was only luck you hadn't seen them.

[quote Lollyneenah]@Letsgetgoing123 I work for the ambulance service and my dh in a red ward so it was a matter of time really impossible to pin point.
@aibuQuestion I really do feel for you, the outlying symptoms are really weird and not enjoyable at all, tummyaches and stabbing sides/back here too. I hope it passes very quickly for you. And as you say it is possible to not transfer it to your family if you're very careful, I've been masking up to help DC wash and antibacing surfaces constantly, telling touch points etc so luckily for us the dc are fine. Still stuck with me and dh though.

Do you have many days isolation left?[/quote]
Hope you’re better soon and OP

[quote aibuQuestion]@JeanClaudeVanDammit yes I'd have isolated from my child, she was premature and I've not quite got over that (as you may be able to tell).

Thanks to those posters who have understood where I'm coming from. I genuinely wanted to know how ridiculous I was being but being able to read replies from those who understand me and understand the post has helped me deal with the other posts!

I don't hold actually GETTING the virus against my friend but she's one of my closest friends locally so yes would have been nice to be the first to know of the symptoms. She had them for 48 hours before telling me. [/quote]
I understand your desire to keep your child safe but it may not have just been 3 days until you got symptoms (when I am sure you would have isolated from your child). Remember that current guidelines are 14 days from contact and even then you may not have it. Could have isolated from your child for 2 weeks incase you got sick?

2 weeks is a long time to isolate from your own child when you may not even be a risk to them and how many times would you have been willing to do that?

I am sure your friend would never have knowingly put you at risk, but unless you can categorically, 100%, say you’d have isolated for 14 days from your child just incase then I think you need to forgive and forget.

Hope you all feel better soon!

it's not gov guidelines but we would be doing our bit to help stop the spread.

Doing your bit to stop the spread is following the government guidelines. You can’t ignore the guidelines yourself and then get annoyed at a friend for not going above and beyond the guidelines.Well, you can, but it is completely unreasonable.