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AIBU?

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Original poster

To walk away from silent treatment

124 replies

Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 11:51

I have a long standing friend who periodically will ignore messages, texts and calls for a period of weeks or months if she is annoyed. I don't always know what has annoyed her as she won't speak! Just comes back weeks or months later as if nothing has happened.

This has happened again, I think because I said we would have to agree to disagree on something. Ignored my WhatsApp and texts but read them.

This time I'm just thinking of walking away, I sent a message earlier saying we have been friends for a long time but true friends talk it out and I find the silent treatment very damaging and not the way to resolve issues.

Instant answer back for the first time in 2 months saying she doesn't want to talk about it right now, I don't know what the it is but I've had enough

Have suggested meeting.up for coffee or dinner etc last 2 months and been completely blanked

Now I'm fed up with it!

OP posts:
BadDucks · 10/10/2020 11:54

Just send back “ok but don’t assume I will want to talk about it on several weeks when you decide I have been sufficiently punished. Take care”

FOJN · 10/10/2020 11:59

I don't blame you.

Doesn't sound as if she ever discusses what's bothering her. Silent treatment is immature, passive aggressive and controlling. It is not your job to help her develop assertiveness or communication skills.

I think it's time to walk away. Make the decision for your own benefit and not to provoke a reaction from your friend. Block or delete from all channels of communication so you can avoid getting sucked into any drama and then breath a sigh of relief.

Notimeforaname · 10/10/2020 11:59

Just ignore her back when she does eventually contact you. She'll figure it out.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 10/10/2020 12:00

You did the right thing by messaging here about it not being the way to resolve issues. She's being childish. What do you get out of this friendship when you're not being ignored? Is she a good friend then? And how do you receive her when she gets back in touch after she's sulked for a while?

ABCDay · 10/10/2020 12:04

If her silly little strops outweigh any good points she has, is there any point in keeping the friendship going?

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 12:04

I think silent treatment is very PA , in the last when she has come back weeks or months later with no explanation and as if nothing has happened I have accepted it as I am.grateful we are speaking again

But for some reason this time I think we either talk it out or the friendship isn't worth it anymore

Said words to that effect earlier but from the answer that I got, a reply.itself was a surprise, I don't think this is going to happen

OP posts:
Travis1 · 10/10/2020 12:05

Just block and move on don’t give her the option of trying to pick you back up.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 10/10/2020 12:05

@BadDucks

Just send back “ok but don’t assume I will want to talk about it on several weeks when you decide I have been sufficiently punished. Take care”
I would say the same. If you ignore you’re just going along with the silent treatment and she thinks you’re just accepting what she says
Thisisnotnormal69 · 10/10/2020 12:06

@Nutmeggy

I think silent treatment is very PA , in the last when she has come back weeks or months later with no explanation and as if nothing has happened I have accepted it as I am.grateful we are speaking again

But for some reason this time I think we either talk it out or the friendship isn't worth it anymore

Said words to that effect earlier but from the answer that I got, a reply.itself was a surprise, I don't think this is going to happen

Why, what did she reply?
Jeschara · 10/10/2020 12:11

Rude and disrespectful. Very ME ME ME. Thinks her life and her problems are more important than anyone else's.
I will not advise you what to do as she is your 'friend', but I could not cope with this attention seeking, my problems are so much worse than yours attitude. She sounds like a right little flouncer.
She needs to grow up and realise everyone else has problems.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 12:11

She said , summarised...

I hope you are well and covid free. I am not being passive aggressive but I don't wish to discuss at present . Take care

There was no mention of silent treatment, any issues , talking to resolve , and I also don't know from her what the issue was 2 months ago

OP posts:
Jeschara · 10/10/2020 12:15

In the reply she gave she did wish you well. However it was again all about her.

mbosnz · 10/10/2020 12:15

I'd text back, 'well, from my point of view, I do wish to talk about it now. If you do not wish to, that's fair enough, but I am unprepared to await your convenience, and will not be available in the future to discuss this. Or potentially, anything else. I'm getting extremely frustrated at this pattern of behaviour'.

FrenchBoule · 10/10/2020 12:16

Wait until she contacts you and write the same back.

I don’t treat my friends like shit neither I allow to be treated in such manner.
Behave like an adult and discuss or get lost.

I’m getting too old for mind fucking games and prefer to spend my time with people who add joy to my life, not misery

TwilightSkies · 10/10/2020 12:17

Stop putting yourself in a position that results in you getting hurt.
Stop giving her the attention she craves.
If she valued you, she wouldn’t do this.

You need to work on your boundaries.

BadDucks · 10/10/2020 12:17

Oh she sounds like a massive gas lighting twat. Honestly I wouldn’t just ignore I would block and move on completely.

TwilightSkies · 10/10/2020 12:18

And yes, walk away.
Invest in nurturing, caring, uncomplicated friendships instead.

Taikoo · 10/10/2020 12:19

Dump and block this loser.

gah2teenagers · 10/10/2020 12:19

She abusing you. I would reply that as she won’t discuss it then you won’t be available when she’s finished sulking and have a nice life. I have suffered this and It’s the best thing to walk away as I’ve watched her do this to just about everyone in her life.

InsertHilariousUserName · 10/10/2020 12:20

She sounds exhausting and enjoying the power of determining the friendship.

Don't let her have that power, I think BadDucks reply is good

NewlyGranny · 10/10/2020 12:21

I would say something like,

"Of course, I don't want to force you talk about anything before you're ready to, but be aware that by the time you are ready, I might have lost interest in having the talk at all."

Keeping people in the freezer isn't what friends do, is it?

Ponoka7 · 10/10/2020 12:23

"in the last when she has come back weeks or months later with no explanation and as if nothing has happened I have accepted it as I am.grateful we are speaking again"

That's a tatic you use when training dogs. You ignore them and make them come to you. It shows them that they are beneath you.

The silent treatment is now considered abusive. Your relationship with her is slightly toxic. It's usually learnt behaviour. It's up to the receiver to not accept it.

YeahWhatevver · 10/10/2020 12:23

Seems very controling on her part.

Take the control away and block her. She'll get the message when she grows up and decides she wants to pick you up again.

Sparklesocks · 10/10/2020 12:25

Ditch her.
Friendships aren’t meant to be about ‘punishing each other and being petulant to somehow win an imaginary battle that they are the only soldier in.
Life is too short for this. You deserve friends who treat you well, and who speak to you like an adult if they are upset or have an issue.

picosandsancerre · 10/10/2020 12:26

Life is too short for dealing with an immature arsehole. Move on and surround yourself with good friends who are able to be mature and agree to disagree when in discussion and not ignore you for months.