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AIBU?

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Original poster

To walk away from silent treatment

124 replies

Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 11:51

I have a long standing friend who periodically will ignore messages, texts and calls for a period of weeks or months if she is annoyed. I don't always know what has annoyed her as she won't speak! Just comes back weeks or months later as if nothing has happened.

This has happened again, I think because I said we would have to agree to disagree on something. Ignored my WhatsApp and texts but read them.

This time I'm just thinking of walking away, I sent a message earlier saying we have been friends for a long time but true friends talk it out and I find the silent treatment very damaging and not the way to resolve issues.

Instant answer back for the first time in 2 months saying she doesn't want to talk about it right now, I don't know what the it is but I've had enough

Have suggested meeting.up for coffee or dinner etc last 2 months and been completely blanked

Now I'm fed up with it!

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 10/10/2020 13:03

Is she the sort to complain on FB and then, when asked what's wrong, tell everyone she doesn't want to talk about it?? Sounds very draining

FrancoBranco · 10/10/2020 13:03

She ignored you for 2 months and is now saying that she's staying silent because you are the unreasonable one?

Nah, bin her off. Who's got time for this drama? Just block her, no need to enter a discussion, she can't cope with that anyway.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 10/10/2020 13:05

Why are you giving her the time of day at this point? Just be done with her and her nonsense.

loobey1811 · 10/10/2020 13:06

Absolutely controlling. Show her that you won’t put up with that behaviour any more by sending BadDucks response and move on. She is not your friend - you’re not equals at all and shouldn’t accept being treated like this. True friends talk things out, however hard it may be. Good luck

Chicchicchicchiclana · 10/10/2020 13:07

"Ok message received and understood". Then forget her. She isn't going to change or do anything differently (and she has reiterated this twice in 2 messages) so, if you've really had enough, then you've no other option than to stay away from her.

gamerchick · 10/10/2020 13:08

She's messaged you again because she senses the change in you and that you won't be grateful when she's finished punishing you and ready to demand your time again. Don't reply to her, let it drift and when she gets back in touch, you can decide then whether it's worth keeping it.

Or tell her you don't want to hear from her again and move on with your life.

MatildaTheCat · 10/10/2020 13:09

Let me guess, every time she takes offence she’s all injured and sensitive but I bet she can dish out her own criticisms of you and expect you to take it on the chin?

Honestly life is just too short. Just walk away and ignore any further messages.

LiveFromHome · 10/10/2020 13:10

Just block her and delete on social media. Stop letting her treat you like shit.

Tappering · 10/10/2020 13:10

She'll be panicking because you've called her on it.

Don't back down.

FlouncerInDenial · 10/10/2020 13:13

Her second message sounds to me like she's worried about losing your friendship

Ginfordinner · 10/10/2020 13:14

She sounds like a manipulative and immature drama llama who thinks she can get her own way with this passive aggressive behaviour.

DD used to have a friend at school like this. She used to bestow friendship on someone as if she was doing them a great favour for a few weeks or months and then just ignore them for no apparent reason. She did this to several girls at school, not just DD.

She used to make a point of passively aggressively ignoring people by deliberately turning her back on them.

I know how hurtful it is, but I would just block all means of communication from her, and move on.

LiveFromHome · 10/10/2020 13:19

Had another text saying

From your message nothing I say is going to be right so I am choosing to say nothing at the moment

Reply

You know what - you're right. Nothing you say is going to excuse the frequent doses of silent treatment you dish out, followed by getting back in touch with me and acting like nothing has happened. I've realised that I'm done accepting this behaviour from you. This friendship is over. Take care.

Then delete/block.

Funnyface1 · 10/10/2020 13:26

Sack her off. Who's got time for that? She's doing it because you've always let her. Doesn't sound like it's worth it at all.

Tappering · 10/10/2020 13:27

Send @LiveFromHome's message.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 13:31

Deleted and blocked

I just can't carry on like this with her.

Not bothering to answer either as want to draw a line and say enough

OP posts:
mbosnz · 10/10/2020 13:33

Good on you!

PullTheBricksDown · 10/10/2020 13:35

Yes don't reply now. Though tbh I would unblock her again in a bit, maybe a week or so, so that when the inevitable message comes in a few months time pretending nothing's wrong, you can smile to yourself and ignore it.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 10/10/2020 13:38

well done for deleting and blocking. keep her blocked! and delete on social media.

Shizzlestix · 10/10/2020 13:39

Best way, although I’d have sent a last message saying can’t be arsed with your controlling abusive behaviour any longer. Bye.

Ginfordinner · 10/10/2020 13:41

You did the right thing. Well done.

Chloemol · 10/10/2020 13:42

Just go back

I am sorry about that, but to be frank I am sick of the passive aggressive way you treat me, the long silences if you think I have done something wrong and the way you behave towards me. It’s time for me to put me first and I am now drawing a line under our friendship. I wish you the best for the future

Then ignore

EarringsandLipstick · 10/10/2020 13:58

@NewlyGranny

I would say something like,

"Of course, I don't want to force you talk about anything before you're ready to, but be aware that by the time you are ready, I might have lost interest in having the talk at all."

Keeping people in the freezer isn't what friends do, is it?

A perfect response.

I'm sorry your friend is doing this OP.

I've spent many years in emotional angst over similar mistreatment by 'friends' & I'm very belatedly realising that I have enabled it because I chase after them, make myself available & take any friendship crumbs that are thrown at me.

More recently I've been able to develop my self-esteem & take a stand, recognising losing such 'friends' and potentially being alone is actually a better option.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/10/2020 13:59

@Nutmeggy

Deleted and blocked

I just can't carry on like this with her.

Not bothering to answer either as want to draw a line and say enough

Sorry I posted without seeing this.

Good choice OP. Well done 👏👏

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 10/10/2020 14:43

I did reply just now

I said I won't accept being ignored for 2 months by someone who was supposed to be a friend , there is nothing she needs to say, I find the behaviour childish and passive aggressive and I will no longer accept being treated like this.

And breathe !!

OP posts:
Howlooseisyourgoose · 10/10/2020 14:44

Good! You've got your closure.

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