To end my friendship over this?

[Yesididnamechange]

I live abroad and around 2 years ago I met one of my best friends who is also an expat.

She is very smart, just graduated from a prestigious university and currently looking for her first position. I work as governess with French children (doing academics and also teaching English). I make good money and have worked hard to learn French in 3 years to be able to do this kind of job.

I feel like my friend looks down on me because I don’t have a degree. Her long term relationship ended in March, in July she mentioned that she felt ready to date again. I know a very handsome and kind man that I mentioned she might get along well with. Her réponse was ‘He works in the vegetable store, I have a masters degree, I couldn’t date him!’ I was a bit taken aback but moved on. Until a few weeks later she was talking about her cousin who is a vet. She said she’s trying for a baby at the moment and randomly added ‘Her relationship surprised me, when she met her husband she was a vet, and he was working in a supermarket, I would have thought she’d marry someone more on her level’. She continues to make comments like this around me.

I dread to think what she says about me and DH to other people. DH is a very intelligent ‘white collar’ worker with a great salary. When I told her about my new position and how I’m happy with my new salary (70k net a year), her response was, ‘you should be happy, that’s probably the highest you’ll ever get, so celebrate it!’

It makes me feel stupid and worthless. I couldn’t go to university, my parents paid for me to go to a very good ‘specialist’ school when I was 14-18 and it put them into a fair amount of debt that they have only just paid off, university was out of the question for me.

Aibu to end my friendship or take a step back from my friend ? I’m willing to hear that I’m being over dramatic.

If she's such a good friend could you chat to her about it and how it makes you feel? X

If you're coming away from spending time with your friend feeling worse, and not better, then distance yourself. Protect your mental wellbeing.

@thinkingcapon I have mentioned it to her when she makes the comments, but she just brushes it off and says that I shouldn’t take it personally, she worked hard for her degree and likes to surround herself wit people of the same intellectual (Or rather educational) level as her.

She's awfully immature for someone so 'well educated' isn't she :(

She doesn't sound like she's your friend.

So could you ask her why she hangs around with you if you don't have a degree?!

If you honestly don't think you say anything she thinks ridiculous and snobby to her then yes, take a step back.

If she is otherwise a good friend just ignore. People are people and all that...

You don’t share values and she is very insecure. She may actually like spending time around you so that she can feel superior. Consider what, if anything, you get out of this friendship. If the answer is “not much”, then downgrade her to an acquaintance, someone you contact or see only occasionally. Protect your mental well-being!

She sounds ghastly - it takes some balls to be that upfront with your judgements.

Personally, I'd call her her out on it very strongly - noting how shallow and limited her value system is - and if she wasn't extremely abashed and ashamed, I'd tell her that you can't be friends with someone as emotionally stunted and judgemental as her, and end the friendship. And walk away with head held high.

Not your friend and probably not deep. The genuinely intelligent find interest in everyone, especially people with different backgrounds and experiences. Try not to worry about what she says as insightful people will see what she is and evaluate what she says accordingly, just enjoy your family and your life. Engage with her if it enriches your experience more than the annoyance she brings.

We'll, she sounds like a bitch..

Ugh, she's horrible.

She is being passive aggressive for some reason. As has been said, if she succeeds in making you feel less good about yourself, just don’t see her.

It's amusing that she considers herself so well educated yet has failed to take in any education in respect of respect, social decorum and sociological awareness. My partner has barely any GCSEs. He is more intelligent than I am and I have multiple degrees. Whether or not he is degree educated is by the by. I have enough sense to realise that not everyone who is educated is smart and vice versa. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Well it sounds like she's going out of her way to insult you (saying 'this is the highest salary you'll ever get') so yes of course it's reasonable to want to avoid her.

I have a prestigous degree and obviously have friends from uni with prestigious degrees, we're all married and friends with a range of people with vastly different educational backgrounds - and to be honest it's not something I'm aware of any of us spending time thinking about.

I should also say maybe she makes comments like the one she did about her salary as she has some sort of self esteem issue where she has convinced herself all she needed to do to be better was get an education thus it grates on her that there are people without that also thriving. It's an issue with her not you x

These are her views. You know that. It’s up to you how close you stay to her.

I think you can have a friendship with someone with differing views. I think it’s hard to have a very close friendship on that level as there will always be a question of judgment. You can still be friends but just see it for what it is.

She sounds awful and is she responds that way then yes drop her!

Your friend is awful. Not just because you don’t have a degree, but because her opinions are immature, snobbish, and outdated.

I have many friends whose opinions are different from mine, but none whose opinions I “disapprove” of (I don’t think “disapprove” is quite the word I want!). Would you be friends if you weren’t both living as expats?

Not a kind person.

A nice view is that you are so intelligent that she forgets that you don't have a degree so feels free to say these things.

It is a good idea to point this out and say how upsetting it is for you. If she then continues to say such things then you know where you stand (leave the friendship).

She clearly isn't that good of a friend. Take a step back and if you want, call her out on why she is wasting her time with you since you are beneath her?

That being said, her attitude is unfortunately not that rare. I've experienced a few of these comments.

She is the education equivalent of 'new money' and all it has done for her is make her into a ghastly snob. I think I'd have to start making comments back, alluding to how unemployable some graduates are these days because being educated to a high level doesn't make someone an attractive candidate for employment because of their terrible attitude. Shame her when she makes such awful comments. She won't get very far with an attitude like hers and I think she'll end up eating a huge portion of humble pie in the not too distant future. How unattractive she is.

@Newmumatlast it’s interesting you say that, my DH is very very intelligent and educated (much more so that my friend actually) and he’s so respectful towards me and my job. He constantly reminds me that my worth doesn’t come from a degree and that he finds me very intelligent. I guess real intelligence is shown by how you treat other people!

She sounds awful.

What a waste of time - she sounds shallow and very insecure. Do you really want/need people like this in our life OP?