Secretly fuming - DH shrank my new work outfit

[kithop]

I returned from maternity leave during the pandemic and have been able to work from home until recently. I am now back in the office about once per week for client meetings. My body has changed as a result of having a baby and I decided to invest in two smart new work outfits so I could look as professional as possible, and also boost my confidence which has taken quite a hit with everything that has happened recently. After two wears of my lovely new dress, DH has shrunk it in the wash and it is unwearable. He didn’t read the label. It was £80 in the sale so that’s £40 per wear. I am secretly fuming about it as I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now meaning I have only one smart outfit for my professional role. But I don’t feel I can complain as it wasn’t intentional and DH does the lion’s share of our chores (although I do the lion’s share of the childcare). It’s not the first time he’s shrunk my clothes, and it’s generally the relatively expensive items that end up being ruined. AIBU, and what should I do to get over this?

Tell him to please check the labels (nicely) and put a sign above the washing machine to remind you both. Remember to be grateful and explain the sign isn’t passive aggressive it’s just very important to you that your expensive clothing is washed correctly . Or you can check your labels and have a special wash basket .

'When I do the washing, my DH expects me to go through the wash basket and study every single fucking label of every garment so that I don't damage any of his clothes that he's chucked in there. Btw I do all the washing'.

Slightly different set of answers, methinks.

I have a small laundry basket for delicate items to avoid this. That said he should have checked the label, especially as he hadn’t washed it before.

Lol, my hubby did something similar with an Alexon interview suit. He put the jacket in the wash,I think it was, and it shrank and faded.

He was trying to be helpful though, and I actually thought it was funny, so I wasn't very annoyed.

sorry DH not hubby before someone flames me

herecomesthesun - presumably you had the budget to replace it. Here OP doesn’t and no longer fits in her pre baby clothes.

@thedancingbear

'When I do the washing, my DH expects me to go through the wash basket and study every single fucking label of every garment so that I don't damage any of his clothes that he's chucked in there. Btw I do all the washing'.

Slightly different set of answers, methinks.

Absolutely.

Every single time.

Wash the expensive stuff yourself.

Well they are your clothes and as an adult you really should be able to handle that without sulking in the corner and feeling hard done by.

So basically, two adults dived household tasks, one doesn't do the job properly and damages clothes and this is fine, something the other partner should be fine with?

Part of "doing the laundry" is sorting it out. If someone can't be arsed to read a label and separate it properly then they need to learn or swap it for another task.

I assume people who think it the OP's job to sort the washing to ensure poor blokey only has to shove it in the machine without engaging his brain don't have kids who put things in the wrong basket?

DH did this with (a) a lambswool cardigan & (b) a linen skirt. Both unwearable afterwards. I was really upset, particularly about the cardigan as we had very little spare money at the time & I'd only worn it a couple of times as I'd been saving it.

With the skirt, money was easier so I went out & bought another skirt to replace it & fined him a handbag as well.

We have a triple laundry sorter basket plus a separate basket for delicates and reds and that is the only basket that I sort through before washing.

One of the baskets in the triple is for whites, one for colours and one for darks. I expect that everything that goes into the triple is ready to be washed as that is the point of the sorter. I want to be able to put everything in a basket straight into the washing machine. It makes laundry so much easier - when a basket is full, it gets washed.

This thread made me check our washing machine and, as I suspected, it doesn’t even have a 30 degree cycle, it’s 20 or 40.

I try very hard not to buy things that can’t be thrown in the wash at 40 degrees with everything else. But if I did have to buy something that needed different treatment I would let the person who did the washing know about it rather than expect them to check the labels of every single item of clothing.

All is not lost, rewash it on a cold wash and stretch then lie flat to dry.....I'm the one who does the shrinking in this house and I've rescued loads doing that.

I do all laundry if DP is around as a trade off for DP to do various jobs I hate. If he does do the laundry it's under direction. I pre-sort everything into big mesh laundry sacks- one sack for delicates- and tidy up the basket every other day. I make him do his own ironing though. He's quite proactive so I do know that if he did make errors it wouldn't be intentional from him, he'd be trying to help.

I try to relax back from being a neat freak so we can share the load but I probably do fuss more over the laundry because I buy more expensive clothes than he tends to. I'd rather spend time than money on replacements. I think you might need to reconsider how you store/organise your laundry!

I don't tend to bung in stuff without a bit of a sort first.

Generally just lights/darks, so a new dress would be easily spotted & the washing instructions looked at-or it would be left out of the wash if I cba at that the time.

It seems though that it's more likely the dryer that's the cause & I can't think that anyone would just grab stuff without checking & put in a dryer?

"rather than expect them to check the labels of every single item of clothing."

Why would that be necessary though?

Just check what you're unsure of?

I would say what's done is done but going forward we have a separate delicates laundry bag where we put stuff that needs special care and then we can be more cavalier with the stuff in the regular basket - it's a live and learn situation- I ruined a dress after 1 wear and it was the last time!

DH has done that to me in the past. I do 90% of the washing (basically he does it if I'm away or I'll) so I tended to put my delicates in the basket until I've accumulated enough for a small load, or a good drying day so hand wash stuff can do the worst of the dripping outside. I also put 'to be dry cleaned' next to the washing basket. Because where else can it live?

I always check labels on anything I don't recognise, especially things like jackets.

I have washed some of my own "dry clean only" dresses but only having decided they aren't nice enough to justify the dry cleaning faff (Per Una so not £££) so can either survive or go in the bin, and I have a fairly decent idea which might make it - tailored wool, jackets etc definitely not, viscose/polyester has a fighting chance on delicate and in a wash bag!

@hereyehearye

Reading every label before washing is inefficient and stupid. Almost every poster has laid out a far superior way to manage laundry. I have a laundry basket for 60, one for delicates and one for general/40. Only the labels of the delicates are checked.

OP: If you are so broke you can't afford to replace a £40 dress, then I suggest you get a decent laundry system together. It's not that much money and frankly, it sounds like you don't take care of your clothes much anyway. If you do, they'll last longer and save your more money in the long run.

I have three laundry baskets too; one for lights/whites, one for colours, one for darks. We just don't have enough delicate items to make it worthwhile to have a separate basket for that.

It's not always the washing machine that does the damage anyway, it's mostly the tumble dryer. I usually do all the washing but on the occasion that DH gets the wet washing out of the washing machine and transfers it to the tumble dryer, like @tempnamechange98765's DH if he's not sure about something he'll put it aside rather than risk it being unsuitable. It's not hard to do... he could have Whatsapp'd me and asked but it didn't matter that he hadn't as he erred on the side of caution.

With OP's dress being new - and £80 not £40 - he should have noticed it was a newbie and checked, either with OP or just checking the label or putting it aside. It seems a huge leap from a laundry accident to "you don't take care of your clothes much anyway" and unnecessarily nasty, given that she's quite upset about it.

Yes, I don't get this 'read every label' thing either. It's extrapolation ad absurdum.

Anyone with any familiarity with doing laundry (as the DH has) can sort most things quickly by colour, knowing what they are, then check the one or two things that are unfamiliar, or they're unsure about. That's what I do every time. It takes barely any time at all to check a couple of items.

I do think having a separate bag or basket for hand wash and delicates is a good idea. But I sometimes have to check whether an item is 30 only, before a 40 wash. Takes seconds and the barest smidgen of care.

I assume people who think it the OP's job to sort the washing to ensure poor blokey only has to shove it in the machine without engaging his brain....

Because god forbid the person who knows an item needs special handling engages theirs and doesn't put it with the general laundry. 🙄 Not dumping things you know are delicate with the rest is hardly "sorting the laundry" is it?

My kids don't put things in the wrong laundry basket as they don't have delicate clothing.

And let's not get into hero-worshipping a man who does more than half the household's domestic chores (while his partner does the childcare). He's only doing his fair share. Nothing more, nothing special. Nothing that absolves him from a bog-standard expectation of care and common sense.

I am the sole adult in my house, but to stop myself doing this I have a separate “delicates” washing basket. Stops any accidents. That said, I probably instigated this when i lived with exh as he has shrunk a few things before.

Maybe have a similar system? I also have a separate whites washing basket, so three baskets in my room.

Otherwise maybe you take on the washing in exchange for a specific segment of childcare becoming his responsibility.

And let's not get into hero-worshipping a man who does more than half the household's domestic chores

Eh? Who has done that? Where?