Secretly fuming - DH shrank my new work outfit

[kithop]

I returned from maternity leave during the pandemic and have been able to work from home until recently. I am now back in the office about once per week for client meetings. My body has changed as a result of having a baby and I decided to invest in two smart new work outfits so I could look as professional as possible, and also boost my confidence which has taken quite a hit with everything that has happened recently. After two wears of my lovely new dress, DH has shrunk it in the wash and it is unwearable. He didn’t read the label. It was £80 in the sale so that’s £40 per wear. I am secretly fuming about it as I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now meaning I have only one smart outfit for my professional role. But I don’t feel I can complain as it wasn’t intentional and DH does the lion’s share of our chores (although I do the lion’s share of the childcare). It’s not the first time he’s shrunk my clothes, and it’s generally the relatively expensive items that end up being ruined. AIBU, and what should I do to get over this?

In future, tell him not to wash your clothes then and you can stop moaning.

I never look at labels either.

I don’t put in my clothes that need to be careful washing in with the general wash.

Personally I’d make him replace it. He’s more likely to remember the lesson to read the label if it impacts him personally.

If you put the clothes that need special care with regular stuff, I don't think you can blame your dh.

I think you should have read the label, separated from other stuff so he would know not to touch them.

@Elizaaa

Maybe he thinks you need to lose a bit of weight.

Nice

I don’t read labels and if I’m doing the laundry then I certainly won’t pick through the laundry to check all the labels on every item. We have a separate basket for items that need special washing, everything else goes in the main basket.

@Elizaaa

Maybe he thinks you need to lose a bit of weight.

Well you’re a peach, aren’t you @Elizaaa what a mean spirited thing to say.

@kithop
Can he not buy a replacement?

Pointless to fume silently...a bit passive aggressive, and he will notice the atmosphere.

Things like this happen... it is bloody annoying.

Personally if he's that incompetent I'd be banning him from laundry washing. I wouldn't have silently fumed either, how does anyone learn a lesson that way?

As an aside, who uses driers for normal clothes? They're for underwear and socks, maybe the odd towel if you're in a hurry. Driers ruin clothes.

I have a delicates basket. He’s not to touch it. I also have a list of items stuck above the washing machine that are not allowed to be washed by him or put in the tumble dryer at all.
That had improved things. Saying that I was the one who shrunk his favorite jumper.

"I have some residual angst"
OP let it go its only clothes at the end of the day he didn't do it deliberately and everyone makes errors, also be grateful that your DH does the "lion share of the chores".

My DH isn't allowed to use the washing machine for this very reason. Also why is it that it's the expensive stuff that gets ruined but the old primark vest from 3 years ago is just fine. So annoying but you just need to move on OP.

@AriettyHomily

I wouldn't be secretly fuming.

DH has done this a few times, he is now banned from doing the washing.

I don't enjoy doing the laundry - if only someone would kindly 'ban' me and just get on with it themselves, I'd count that as a win

Personally if he's that incompetent I'd be banning him from laundry washing.

What an absolute result for him. Do a job half arsed, get it “taken away from him” and then never have to do it again. Isn’t that how half of these men on MN end up being so incompetent and women carrying so much of the load?

@Elizaaa

Maybe he thinks you need to lose a bit of weight.

Don't be silly... Shrunk clothing looks awful and loses its shape. A very feeble attempt at trolling. Zero wit and just reflects poorly on you.

@Elizaaa

Maybe he thinks you need to lose a bit of weight.

ick, some people are scummy

Any reason to think it was subconsciously on purpose? e.g. he wanted you to be a SAHM or your career is more successful than his?

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Rubbish to the previous ouster which said to shrink his things. Don’t be childish like that. Not a way to have a mature, lasting relationship.

Speak with him. It could well be that he’s in a hurry to try to get all his chores done. Not intentional

A way around that may be that for more special items, or items that need a different type of wash, to be put someplace separately. So maybe a different laundry basket that has compartments. In our house, years ago, I used to share laundry basket with my DH. I stopped doing his laundry years ago so sometimes I’d pick up his things and he mine. As an example, I learned quickly to put my dry clean only items into a different laundry basket.

This is not the first time there are issues about washing clothes and accidental shrinkage or colour runs. Things happen. As you said, not intentional do finding an easy, workable solution is best course of action.

@AriettyHomily

I wouldn't be secretly fuming.

DH has done this a few times, he is now banned from doing the washing.

Ah, your DH has reached "expert level" in the practice of "strategic incompetence" - he's engineered a situation where you're left with having to do all the laundry, at your own request, because he can't be arsed to learn how to do it properly. To use a footballing term, "he's played a blinder."

@Thurmanmurman

My DH isn't allowed to use the washing machine for this very reason. Also why is it that it's the expensive stuff that gets ruined but the old primark vest from 3 years ago is just fine. So annoying but you just need to move on OP.

So true! I had a couple of Primark T shirts that retained their shape for many, many years before being recycled.

Other, much more expensive ones lost their shape.

Not sure why it is.

It sounds like it was the tumble dryer that did the damage, not the washing machine. It's difficult to wreck clothes on an ordinary 30° wash, but tumble drying is much more risky. If he doesn't check labels he should start really, it is easily avoidable as if there's any doubt the article should be left out to air dry instead.

It's so annoying though, I don't blame you for being cross.

Elizaaa: Maybe he thinks you need to lose a bit of weight.

What sort of cowbag makes an unwarranted comment like this?! Jeez.

Feel you pain, OP... I once spent months knitting a beautiful luxury yarn bamboo sweater. Exceptionally proud of it and took it out for a couple of spins before deciding it needed a hand wash. OH decided to be helpful and put it through the tumble dryer whilst I was away for the weekend. The air turned blue...

That was six years ago and have to admit that when I chance to remember I still fume. Especially as I’ve never managed to knit anything so nice since and never managed to get a photo...

He should apologise and if he has the cash, replace.

@CaraDuneReduxTo be fair he does do everything else in the house. I cook and do the laundry. He does all the cleaning.

I can't cope with how he hangs it either, it's all just WRONG so uch easier that I just do it!

Sympathy OP. If it suited you and you liked it, can you get another one? Are they still available? Things that you feel good in are worth rubies.

Yes it’s definitely the tumble dryer. 30c wouldn’t shrink anything, unless it can’t be spun.