Secretly fuming - DH shrank my new work outfit

[kithop]

I returned from maternity leave during the pandemic and have been able to work from home until recently. I am now back in the office about once per week for client meetings. My body has changed as a result of having a baby and I decided to invest in two smart new work outfits so I could look as professional as possible, and also boost my confidence which has taken quite a hit with everything that has happened recently. After two wears of my lovely new dress, DH has shrunk it in the wash and it is unwearable. He didn’t read the label. It was £80 in the sale so that’s £40 per wear. I am secretly fuming about it as I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now meaning I have only one smart outfit for my professional role. But I don’t feel I can complain as it wasn’t intentional and DH does the lion’s share of our chores (although I do the lion’s share of the childcare). It’s not the first time he’s shrunk my clothes, and it’s generally the relatively expensive items that end up being ruined. AIBU, and what should I do to get over this?

Will maybe get flamed on here for this post but I would take it back and say I'd washed it according to instructions and this is what happened and try for a refund.

Yes DH shrunk my expensive new jumper. I only found out when gs1 said to me "Nana, your jumper is tiny now". I asked him where the tiny jumper was and it was shoved in the back of my drawer ready to be found by me as though it had miraculously shrunk all by itself overnight.

Ask him if he can afford to buy you a replacement outfit so you're not down to just one.

Every adult should be able to do basic household tasks and not expect someone else to do half the job for them. There is little point in someone else doing the washing if I have to do all the sorting/label reading myself - I might as well do the last hop and put it in the machine.

Well they are your clothes and as an adult you really should be able to handle that without sulking in the corner and feeling hard done by.

Mine put my favourite linen trousers in the tumble dryer. I washed them again stretched them while wet and voila, they were the original size again. He no longer does any of the laundry, he gets to do the stuff I hate that’s much harder work and unpleasant to do - I haven’t cleaned the oven for years.

I would say "DH don't do my fucking laundry if you aren't going to take time to read the labels", and then I would do my own laundry.

My DH shrinks school jumpers (by tumble drying) on a regular basis, or did until I started saying "no we can't afford it we have to replace more shrunken school jumpers" every time he suggested a takeaway or bottle of wine or anything. Now he is very, very careful to hang them up to dry instead.

I have a viscose dress that looks teeny tiny when out of the wash but returns to normal on ironing if that is any help.

Yes! It's almost like magic.

Basic reading of labels is not a task beyond an adult

So the person going to put it in the basket should be able to read it and not put the item with the general laundry.

Why not just wash all clothes at 30 degrees?

Yanbu, I feel your pain, I do most of the washing but when dh does it I can almost guarantee something will be shrunk. Which particularly depressing when you are on a budget and its a new item .
DH doesnt read the labels, everything is washed at 4O and tumble dried! I do mention it but it generally doesnt go well. I now hide anything special on the off chance he decides to do the washing, sometimes I think hes delibrately incompetent, hes an intelligent man who seems incapable of sorting washing, or perhaps he just doesnt care!

Just glue the dial to 30ºC, as he can't be trusted to mess with the temperatures.

Ups. Sorry. Missed a key post.

My MIL shrank my jigsaw suit trousers whilst I was on holiday once.

She thought I looked behind on the washing........

Why cant you talk to him and just ask him to be more careful or wash these delicate items yourself.

He should offer to replace the dress (like for like if that one's no longer available), obviously. Though, given your tight budget is probably a tight family budget, that might not be immediately possible.

Then you both need to sort out and agree your laundry system. Either everything in one basket and check labels every time, for anything you're not completely confident about (false confidence will be a problem). Or, separate basket, or bag within the basket, for delicates.

OH decided to be helpful and put it through the tumble dryer whilst I was away for the weekend

Now you mention it, its ALWAYS when I go away for a weekend that DH does this just being helpful thing.

It's deliberate. To punish you for going back to work and forcing him to step up and do more.

Reading every label before washing is inefficient and stupid. Almost every poster has laid out a far superior way to manage laundry. I have a laundry basket for 60, one for delicates and one for general/40. Only the labels of the delicates are checked.

OP: If you are so broke you can't afford to replace a £40 dress, then I suggest you get a decent laundry system together. It's not that much money and frankly, it sounds like you don't take care of your clothes much anyway. If you do, they'll last longer and save your more money in the long run.

can he not replace it or you have a joint account/budget

its alot of money to waste

If you put it in the general laundry that's your fault I'd say. So few things need special washes now.

Wash precious things by yourself. Put them in a separate bag so he knows he shouldn't touch them. Nerves saved.

I don’t think you can put wool/special items in the general washing - that is how we manage it in our house.

I do not check labels, I do the washing but dh knows only washing in the basket gets done and if it needs special care he has to give it to me personally.

I am not psychic and have enough to do without checking every item for labels

I've never left anything that can shrink/get ruined easliy in the washing basket

This ^

I've been known to forget and ruin my own stuff, never mind anyone else doing it.

I still think he should replace it though.

haven’t cleaned the oven for years.

Norhave I Vinyl - but that's just because I'm slovenly.