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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secretly fuming - DH shrank my new work outfit

154 replies

kithop · 08/10/2020 09:02

I returned from maternity leave during the pandemic and have been able to work from home until recently. I am now back in the office about once per week for client meetings. My body has changed as a result of having a baby and I decided to invest in two smart new work outfits so I could look as professional as possible, and also boost my confidence which has taken quite a hit with everything that has happened recently. After two wears of my lovely new dress, DH has shrunk it in the wash and it is unwearable. He didn’t read the label. It was £80 in the sale so that’s £40 per wear. I am secretly fuming about it as I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now meaning I have only one smart outfit for my professional role. But I don’t feel I can complain as it wasn’t intentional and DH does the lion’s share of our chores (although I do the lion’s share of the childcare). It’s not the first time he’s shrunk my clothes, and it’s generally the relatively expensive items that end up being ruined. AIBU, and what should I do to get over this?

OP posts:
tulippa · 08/10/2020 10:35

I've ruined a fair few of DH's fancy jumpers. My best one was shrinking a lovely one of his so it fitted me perfectly and then shrinking it by mistake again so it got passed to DS. Blush
I don't touch his jumpers anymore although this has resulted in two DH's jumpers sitting at the bottom of the washing basket since March. Hmm Don't know why - DH has done washing during this time.

I am careful with the tumble dryer though. Your DH should really have checked your dress was OK to go in there.

thedancingbear · 08/10/2020 10:37

I've ruined a fair few of DH's fancy jumpers. My best one was shrinking a lovely one of his so it fitted me perfectly and then shrinking it by mistake again so it got passed to DS.

You are a lazy woman child who should replace them, out of your own pocket, otherwise you are abusive. Obviously.

SoupDragon · 08/10/2020 10:41

I did just put the dress in the washing basket

I think the fault is yours then.

BletheringHeights · 08/10/2020 10:41

I put alllllll my clothes in my own small washing basket, everyone else shares a couple of large ones.

That way everything of mine that i wash is done either 30degrees or delicates, hung to be dry which makes even stuff that could be done hotter or more vigorously last forever (bras etc, even cheap ones from primark, last for absolutely years if washed right and never tumbled).

DH does all the rest of the laundry of which there is tonnes due to kids' uniforms being washed every day for school (C19 precaution asked for my school). He also clears up after meals. I do more childcare, cleaning and cooking. I also carefully wash all my own stuff which I quite enjoy.

I LOVE clothes and like to have really nice ones that I take really good care of.

gamerchick · 08/10/2020 10:41

@thedancingbear

That said, I can't believe there are sensible people who use the tumbler for anything other than socks, underwear, bedding, running kit etc.

The tumbler fucks your clothes. All of them. If not immediately then over time. It's a cunt.

Yep they're definitely cunts those things. Grin

I can't get over the amount of people who just bung any old thing in the washer just because it's in the basket. More money than sense tbh. Look after your clothes and they'll last ages.

Queenoftheashes · 08/10/2020 10:42

He should really replace the item. My partner ruined something of mine and I was so upset (wasn't something you could buy in shops). I don't know how you're fuming in secret.
Agree with PP re. Primark vest - I've got one that's been going since 2002 at least and the sequins are still even hanging on through regular tumble-drying! I use it for the gym these days but still I see pics of me wearing it as a teen and marvel at the resilience!

MeanMrMustardSeed · 08/10/2020 10:43

I really don’t think delicate things should be put in the general laundry basket. Family washing is monotonous and fraught with picket debris (stones, twigs etc in this house!) tissues and keeping whites white! Smile I couldn’t be doing with the added complexity of delicates too!

BletheringHeights · 08/10/2020 10:43

@thedancingbear

That said, I can't believe there are sensible people who use the tumbler for anything other than socks, underwear, bedding, running kit etc.

The tumbler fucks your clothes. All of them. If not immediately then over time. It's a cunt.

Yes, this! I live in a rainy place, so it's a godsend for sheets, towels, kids stuff and DH clothes (indeterminate pile of manly grey and navy stuff).

Mine: no way! I love my clothes!

Although I'd never tumble my gym gear or running stuff either!

keeprocking · 08/10/2020 10:43

DH has done this a few times, he is now banned from doing the washing.

Result for him then, no more washing!

SoupDragon · 08/10/2020 10:44

I can't get over the amount of people who just bung any old thing in the washer just because it's in the basket

That's what it's for. If something needs special handling, it shouldn't go in the basket. Life is too short to sort the land dry basket by anything other than rough colour before shoving it in the wash. If you don't want it washed at a bog standard 40° wash, don't put it with the general washing.

SummaLuvin · 08/10/2020 10:44

Honestly, this sucks, but I think you need to feel the frustration and move on. My DH and I never check labels as we don't have many special care items, the few pieces of wool knitwear we leave in a separate basket, perhaps this is something you can do in future. Most people don't check labels these days as the majority of clothing can be washed as normal. I think part of living with someone is accepting that these things happen, you might break someones favourite mug, or spill something on a blanket, or shrink an item of clothing, that's life unfortunately.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/10/2020 10:47

OP what is the dress made of ? All might not be lost.

Palavah · 08/10/2020 10:49

@AriettyHomily

I wouldn't be secretly fuming.

DH has done this a few times, he is now banned from doing the washing.

Presumably that's what he was hoping for?
SlowDown76mph · 08/10/2020 10:50

' I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now '

Surely you're both on a budget? Or is your DH not earning?

Lucked · 08/10/2020 10:50

I do the laundry and have made a few costly mistakes over the years so I would be hard pushed to cast a stone here. I do have a lot of cashmere and special items So know how to care. For things but things can slip through or you forget they are in the mix and they go into the dryer.

I think it may be worth having a separate laundry bad for things that need a more delicate cycle or special care.

Also I have a viscose dress that looks teeny tiny when out of the wash but returns to normal on ironing if that is any help.

WaffleCash · 08/10/2020 10:52

In the basket I think means no special care. Beyond lights and darks we do no other sorting so I'd expect if my OH bought anything that requires special treatment it would be kept apart and not in the basket. I'm not going to rummage through the basket and check every wash label.

Cheeseandwin5 · 08/10/2020 10:52

I can not believe some off the comments on here,

If the show was on the other foot, we would be telling her to tell him to do it himself. To be honest it is as much the process as anything else. Special items should be kept separately. why should he be expected to shift through labels, if she didn't
Instead we have him being called lazy , manipulative and ignorant.

It was an accident for goodness sake, lets try and take the gender bashing out of it.

If my DH was fuming at me for accidentally shrinking his shirts and ordered me to get and pay for some replacements I would throw the washing machine at him.

tempnamechange98765 · 08/10/2020 10:53

Oh if he tumble dried it I'd be fuming OP. You're much nicer than me! I check EVERY label for tumble drying if it's something I haven't tumbled before, and even then I know DH doesn't like certain jeans to be tumble dried as they shrink even though the label says it can be, so I always shout out if unsure.

Chores come with the responsibility of doing it right, not just doing it any old way (I know I sound like a tight barrel of laughs HA).

I do 99% of the laundry and if DH ever does it, he will leave anything he's unsure of if I'm not there to ask.

bigbluebus · 08/10/2020 10:54

It's a lesson we all learn the hard way but it is your job to ensure that it doesn't happen again by not putting anything that needs special treatment in with the normal wash load.

My lesson was learnt with a wool cardigan belonging to DD. She took it with her to respite and they must have washed it at 60c (at the time I didn't know that such settings wash everything at 60 for infection control purposes.). It came back barely big enough to fit a small doll. From that day onwards, DD had specific clothes that did not go to respite with her.

ColleagueFromMars · 08/10/2020 10:54

This is why I don't knowingly buy clothes that aren't easy care (because I will either ruin them myself or never get around to washing them). Blush

Slightly derails thread where is a good place online to buy mesh bags for laundry? I have some from primark which are great but I'm vulnerable so would prefer to buy online.

SBTLove · 08/10/2020 10:55

I don’t understand these relationships where it’s ‘oh I can’t say anything’ tell him to replace it, jeezo.

2020nymph · 08/10/2020 10:55

Ahh, yes, we've had similar accidents with the tumble dryer. The rule is that my clothes are generally not to be tumble dried.

gamerchick · 08/10/2020 10:56

@SoupDragon

I can't get over the amount of people who just bung any old thing in the washer just because it's in the basket

That's what it's for. If something needs special handling, it shouldn't go in the basket. Life is too short to sort the land dry basket by anything other than rough colour before shoving it in the wash. If you don't want it washed at a bog standard 40° wash, don't put it with the general washing.

I'm not talking about delicates, I'm talking in general. You can spot people out and about who just grab armfuls of whatever and bung them in without sorting. Faded, dingy clothes, tops that were white once...

It's laziness. All clothes should be treated the same, they last longer.

Rosebel · 08/10/2020 10:57

I'd probably have said something but then my husband would have replied you know where the washing machine is, do it yourself.
I don't buy expensive things though. Your husband has apologised, let it go. I would agree with a delicates basket though.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/10/2020 11:02

If the show was on the other foot, we would be telling her to tell him to do it himself.

Speak for yourself. If one of your tasks in the household is the washing as a grown adult you should learn to do it properly. Basic reading of labels is not a task beyond an adult, they just need to care enough to do the job properly.

Every adult should be able to do basic household tasks and not expect someone else to do half the job for them. There is little point in someone else doing the washing if I have to do all the sorting/label reading myself - I might as well do the last hop and put it in the machine.