Secretly fuming - DH shrank my new work outfit

[kithop]

I returned from maternity leave during the pandemic and have been able to work from home until recently. I am now back in the office about once per week for client meetings. My body has changed as a result of having a baby and I decided to invest in two smart new work outfits so I could look as professional as possible, and also boost my confidence which has taken quite a hit with everything that has happened recently. After two wears of my lovely new dress, DH has shrunk it in the wash and it is unwearable. He didn’t read the label. It was £80 in the sale so that’s £40 per wear. I am secretly fuming about it as I’m on a budget so cannot replace the dress right now meaning I have only one smart outfit for my professional role. But I don’t feel I can complain as it wasn’t intentional and DH does the lion’s share of our chores (although I do the lion’s share of the childcare). It’s not the first time he’s shrunk my clothes, and it’s generally the relatively expensive items that end up being ruined. AIBU, and what should I do to get over this?

I say anything - it might shrink wool.

@AriettyHomily

I wouldn't be secretly fuming.

DH has done this a few times, he is now banned from doing the washing.

Sounds like he played an absolute blinder.

I scratched the car first time I washed it when we were together. He just doesn’t it for me now

Oh, OP, my DP put a lovely cashmere jumper of mine through the tumbler so I know how you feel! He just chucked a load in altogether.

We now have a separate area for delicate stuff, and I tend to do a wool wash once a week or so.

We have our own household tasks, and washing is mine unless it's stuff like bedlinen and towels. DP does bins, the garden, hoovering, and mopping, plus at least 50% of the cooking, so I think we are fairly evenly split.

Anyone who puts my cashmere in the washing machine let alone the dryer, dies.

@ShirleyPhallus

Personally if he's that incompetent I'd be banning him from laundry washing.

What an absolute result for him. Do a job half arsed, get it “taken away from him” and then never have to do it again. Isn’t that how half of these men on MN end up being so incompetent and women carrying so much of the load?

Why do people assume all men want to be labeled incompetent so they can get out of doing something?

I loathe clothes shopping, so will spend a fair chunk of change and really care for them so I don't have to do it often. If my bloke was a bit thick where driers were concerned then damned right he wouldn't get to do my laundry. He can do his own.

What temp did he wash at?

Why didn't he check if it could go in the dryer?

I wonder if it was something new of his would he have checked?

I hate all the "well he was just trying to help" crap.

Well he didn't fucking well help!

And if he wasn't sure he could have left it to one side if reading a label is really too onerous for him.

@BigBadBox

Any reason to think it was subconsciously on purpose? e.g. he wanted you to be a SAHM or your career is more successful than his?

Really? FFS.

I genuinely feel sorry for anyone who’s brain works this way. Life must be such an effort

@Normalnotnormalpeopleh Oh no!! SO glad I didn’t knit or make the dress.

DH did this a couple of times and we then agreed that he wouldn't wash my dresses without checking with me first, and I wouldn't iron his trousers because I am crap at it. Now it is just me and DS, and I have trained him to check the labels - none of my dresses go in the tumble dryer unless I put them there though, even if it is raining.

I think you are being a bit U. You need to take responsibility for the clothes that require special treatment, imo.

"You need to take responsibility for the clothes that require special treatment, imo."

And not the person who decided to wash/dry them??!!

This thread is MN at its finest.

Apparently no woman has ever accidentally ruined their partners clothing whilst washing it.

Because this guy tries to help and made a mistake he should buy a new dress/have his clothes shrunk/is jealous of ops career or was deliberately trying to never do the washing again.

How about he was being helpful, made a mistake and just move on

“Op - On my way out the door to work yesterday I. Prices the washing basket was full, so with car keys and lunch in one hand and my work bag over my shoulder I scooped everything up and threw it in the machine.

Turns out DH posh new T-shirt was in there and I have accidentally shrunk it. Now he is cross and wants me to buy him a new one.

Mnetter 1 - OMG you must LTB
Mnetter 2 - why the hell were you doing his washing. Ungrateful bastard.
MNetter3 - how do you put up with such a mummy’s boy man child. Tell him to do his own washing in future.
Mnetter4 - He needs anger management counselling if he gets so wound up about a t shirt when you were doing HIS washing”

It’s pathetic

It’s the tumble dryer that did the damage. Even if your dress was in the washing basket he should have known that you can’t just fling stuff onto a dryer. Enough with the silent fuming. He should have had more respect for your clothes!

This is a sore subject for me, since my husband shrank a beautiful and irreplaceable Joseph top that I had hand-washed and hung up to dry by putting it in the tumble dryer. It was doll sized by the time he had finished with it. That was ten years ago and I still haven’t got over it!

Same, DH has done this to my clothes before. Now he is not allowed to use these machines. Goes against my equal share of chores principles, but appropriate clothing that fits matters more. Replacing clothing is expensive, principles are not.
I don't think he does it on purpose, but he won't read any instructions for anything and won't ever accept that instructions are necessary. This leads to lots of things getting broken or ruined and I don't secretly fume, I noisily fume.

@3rdNamechange

Wouldn't be 'secretly fuming '. Also nice bit of blaming OP here from some. It's not up to her to tell him how to wash it , unless he can't read the label.

I would really think that delicate items should be put in a separate washing basket, and washed according to recommended temperature. I have shrunk things before, both mine and my daughters, and so I invested in a laundry basket with sorting compartments, like this: www.amazon.co.uk/IHOMAGIC-sections-Foldable-Collapsible-Waterproof/dp/B07GR74G7S/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=laundry+baskets+sorting&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1602148758&sr=8-9

She should have told him to be careful. She needs to tell him now that the clothes are ruined, instead of secretly fuming. Secret fuming helps no-one, and it could happen again.

I do the washing in this house and my rule is if it's in the washing basket it gets bunged in with everything. If it's a special kind of wash you need to put it out separately so I know. I think it's unfair to expect him to rummage through the washing reading each label.

I wouldn't secretly fume. I would just point it out and suggest that you each wash your own clothes from now on. I wouldn't let DH get anywhere near mine.

@garlictwist

I do the washing in this house and my rule is if it's in the washing basket it gets bunged in with everything. If it's a special kind of wash you need to put it out separately so I know. I think it's unfair to expect him to rummage through the washing reading each label.

Agree.

He needs to learn to read some labels but you also need a delicates basket - you can't expect him to check every label on every item (and I'm not saying that because he's a man - I wouldn't expect anyone to do so).

Delicates get done separately and not tumble-dried.

YABU to be secretly fuming. I'd let him know that you're annoyed.

While I understand why you're not happy, it was an accident that could happen to anyone.

I shrunk a really lovely wool jumper of DH's by mistake... it was so small that I was able to wear it! Astonishingly, I didn't learn my lesson, and managed to shrink it a second time, thereby passing the ownership of the 'family jumper' to DS...

Yanbu.

All he had to do was check the label if he didn’t recognise the item while sorting.

Saying that, this is why I do my laundry and the boys‘ laundry and DH does his own. I know what can go through the dryer and what not where as he would just chuck things in the wash, overfilling it and then moan about everything not coming out dry despite me pointing out that it says on the machine how much can be in it to dry properly. 🙄

^'my DH is completely furious at me. I've shrunk his new jumper in the wash. He didn't tell me that there was anything special about it; he just bunged it in the wash basked with all his other dirty stuff.

I do most of the washing, cleaning etc. by the way'^

Would elicit charges of man child, red flags, let him do his own fucking washing, he needs to step up etc.

Same old same old really.

How would you react to a full grown adult in the workplace who hadn't bothered to follow basic, simple instructions and caused financial loss as a result and then repeated the failure?

Tell him, otherwise he’ll keep making the same mistake.

That said, I can't believe there are sensible people who use the tumbler for anything other than socks, underwear, bedding, running kit etc.

The tumbler fucks your clothes. All of them. If not immediately then over time. It's a cunt.