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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 5 year old choose her own glasses frames?

142 replies

SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 21:35

Even though they're not really what DH and I would have chosen.

She wants ones that are pink and purple and quite rounded. I went with her to the shop and pretty much let her have free reign, but we also brought home a few other frames along with these on loan to try out. These are her first glasses and she is happy and excited about them.

If we were choosing, DP and I would pick the ones that are a more muted purple and more rectangular as we think they suit her face better. DP is frustrated with me for giving her the impression that it was completely her choice.

I was thinking that it is her face and that I want her to feel positive about her new glasses, so I'd like to just let her pick. But I do sort of see his point that maybe the frames will last a while and bright pink and purple might not be what her future self would pick. And perhaps we have some responsibility to guide her towards something that suits her face shape best? Whilst obviously still letting her have some input.

It's not like they are hideous at all, though.

Who IBU?

OP posts:

Sunnydaysstillhere · 07/10/2020 21:37

Personally if your dc wants to choose what she wears on her face for the world to see then she gets to choose!!

randomsabreuse · 07/10/2020 21:38

They don't need to last more than a year, I doubt her taste will change that much in a year.

fabulous01 · 07/10/2020 21:38

I would let her choose. Otherwise she won't wear them

(I know my kids wouldn't wear what they don't want to wear...)

KurriKawari · 07/10/2020 21:38

Five years old grow so quickly so she won't have them for long anyway. Or two pairs so she can wear muted one where appropriate.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 07/10/2020 21:39

Of course she should get to choose! As you say, it's her face!

Solasum · 07/10/2020 21:40

Unless you have a very careful 5 year old they probably won’t last long anyway. Could you get a pair of both, so the one you prefer is the spare?

LetsBounce · 07/10/2020 21:40

Let her choose.

If she's unhappy with them she won't keep them on when she needs them.

Hahaha88 · 07/10/2020 21:40

I didn't know which option meant let her choose so I didn't vote but let her choose

lyralalala · 07/10/2020 21:41

Tbh given how much of a nightmare it can be to persuade kids they need to wear their glasses I've always given complete free reign.

As long as they fit properly then it should be up to her.

Sirzy · 07/10/2020 21:41

I have always given DS free choice of which glasses he wants. He is 11 now and has very much settled on his style of glasses at the moment.

I think by giving freedom of choice they are much more likely to comply with wearing them!

I do get very jealous of the choice compares to when I was little though.

Brighterthansunflowers · 07/10/2020 21:42

I got glasses when I was 9 so a bit older than your DD, but I was always allowed to choose them myself. My mum would advise but in the end it was me that wore them every waking minute so it was my choice.

I think you should let her choose, she’s the one wearing them. It’s so great that she feels positive about them and you want to encourage that. So let her have the ones she loves (cost would be the only thing that would override her preference but then I wouldn’t even let her look at ones you couldn’t afford).

Their prescription can change quite often anyway and obviously she will grow, so it’s not like these are the pair she will have forever more. I had new glasses at least every year for quite a few years before my prescription settled down.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 07/10/2020 21:42

I always let DC choose. They’ve got to wear them.

Lulublu · 07/10/2020 21:42

My 4 year old broke his first pair of glasses in a week... you may get to change them sooner than you think!

NoParticularPattern · 07/10/2020 21:42

Of course she gets to choose- she’s 5 and having to wear glasses! It cannot possibly be any worse than the glasses I used to have to wear because they were the only option available (just in 3 different colours) in 1993!! If she likes those and it means she will wear them then great. I often see people wearing something that I wouldn’t choose but if they’re happy and confident in it then so what? Just because she’s your daughter doesn’t mean you get to override her feelings. You’re absolutely right.

negomi90 · 07/10/2020 21:43

You can let her choose and she'll wear the glasses because she thinks they're cool and likes them.
Or you choose and you can battle with her to wear them and she gets far less out of them and you have an extra ongoing battle which could have been avoided.

alexdgr8 · 07/10/2020 21:44

let her choose.
but really you should have picked out 4 or 5 that you thought were suitable and ask her to choose from those.
if you gave her full range, then it would be unfair to now deny her her choice.

LST · 07/10/2020 21:44

Of course you should let her choose! My Ds has worn glasses since he was 1 and he has chosen every pair after the initial 'goggle' pair. He has to wear them.

reluctantbrit · 07/10/2020 21:44

I found that even my very careful 7 year old needed a new pair each year, they are definitely not as hardwearing as my own ones. She also outgrew them and I would imagine a 5 year old grows even faster. There is no need to worry about her future self.

We always gave DD free reign, the only objections we had was that it can't be a Disney or other cartoon character one.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2020 21:45

I would absolutely let her choose. My 4 year old would point blank refuse to wear the others once she'd decided.

wannabebump · 07/10/2020 21:45

I had glasses as a kid, and I was really self conscious about them so picking them and making me feel confident about the choice, made me more likely to wear them. Being forced to wear ones I didn't let, I know they'd have been left in my school bag!!

CherryPavlova · 07/10/2020 21:45

Let her choose. It doesn’t matter at all whether they are tasteful or suit her well. It matters that she wears them and can see enough to learn properly.

sparklefarts · 07/10/2020 21:47

Of course you let her pick!!
I can't believe you would even consider not . She's so young, you need her to want to wear them

Cherryup · 07/10/2020 21:47

I always let ds choose, sometimes against my better judgement, but he has to wear them and feel happy and confident with them. Got to be her choice!

Myneighboursnorlax · 07/10/2020 21:47

I had glasses from a young age and my mum let me pick my own. I chose massive green ones which covered most of my face. I loved them at the time. Now when I look back at photos I just think “wtf was my mum thinking letting me wear those?! I look awful!”

I think if they are nice but just not what you’d have chosen then let her pick. If she’s going to look back at the photos when she’s an adult and cringe then I’d try and subtly steer her in a different direction.

I know all the other replies are saying let her choose no matter what, but I just feel such embarrassment when I look back at my old childhood photos that I’d want to protect her from that. I’m probably projecting a bit though...

Thecatisboss · 07/10/2020 21:47

DD got her first pair of glasses when she was 5 and she chose them herself - Frozen themed glasses as it turned out.

She was really upset at first at the thought of wearing glasses but as it turned out her friends were very envious and wanted them too (unfortunately they had perfect sight and couldn't 😉) she's always chosen them herself as shes the person who has to wear them and she likes choosing them now and deciding on her 2 pairs.

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