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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 5 year old choose her own glasses frames?

142 replies

SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 21:35

Even though they're not really what DH and I would have chosen.

She wants ones that are pink and purple and quite rounded. I went with her to the shop and pretty much let her have free reign, but we also brought home a few other frames along with these on loan to try out. These are her first glasses and she is happy and excited about them.

If we were choosing, DP and I would pick the ones that are a more muted purple and more rectangular as we think they suit her face better. DP is frustrated with me for giving her the impression that it was completely her choice.

I was thinking that it is her face and that I want her to feel positive about her new glasses, so I'd like to just let her pick. But I do sort of see his point that maybe the frames will last a while and bright pink and purple might not be what her future self would pick. And perhaps we have some responsibility to guide her towards something that suits her face shape best? Whilst obviously still letting her have some input.

It's not like they are hideous at all, though.

Who IBU?

OP posts:
JosiePyeTheOriginalMeanGirl · 07/10/2020 22:27

I was older (10? 11?) when I got my first pair. I imagine I got the final say, but I'm also sure I would've asked my mother's opinion. It was the late 80s/early 90s, and looking back, they were HUGE and HIDEOUS. But then, that was the style at the time. Everyone wore huge, hideous frames. It makes the old photos more interesting to look at, like all the other strange out-of-date fashions.

Whatever they're selling must be currently "acceptable", style-wise, or they wouldn't have them in the shop. Besides, she's only five. Who cares if the frame shape doesn't suit her face? I would be more concerned that she's willing to wear them, at that age.

But next time, sure, try to steer her toward something you think suits her.

Mischance · 07/10/2020 22:28

I cannot imagine why you might NOT let her choose! My DD wore glasses from age about 2, and she always had what she wanted, not what we wanted.

VEGAS2016 · 07/10/2020 22:28

Yes let her choose! She has to wear them. I wasn't able to choose mine in the early nighties & got a hideous pair they were different colours of brown & flicked at the ends (dame edna anyone!)

My sister used to call them skid mark glasses HmmGrin

chibsortig · 07/10/2020 22:29

Let her choose she's the one that has to wear them. I'm not sure that any childrens glasses can be inappropriate. So what if they are a bit garish or something you wouldnt wear. If shes happy to wear them then thats one battle of glasses wearing won.

Bowerbird5 · 07/10/2020 22:34

Get two pairs and leave one at school. So many kids miss out on their learning because they don’t have their glasses at school.let her chose one. She is more likely to wear them then.

SonjaMorgan · 07/10/2020 22:35

Round frames are far more fashionable. Even if they weren't I would let her pick her own.

Mallysmomma · 07/10/2020 22:39

Of course let her choose, it’s her face. X

C8H10N4O2 · 07/10/2020 22:42

They are those bendy material ones that are supposed to be hard for kids to break, so I was hoping they'd last a while

Flexons? Saved me a fortune over cheaper frames which generally lasted five minutes. However at 5 she will grow out of them fairly quickly.

Let her choose, so long as they fit her properly.

Didkdt · 07/10/2020 22:44

I rhink you'll halve the mountain you need to climb if you let her choose. Getting a five year old to wear glasses she does want is hard enough Getting her to wear the ones she doesn't is a slog.
I hated my DDs first pair but she loved them, fortunately a child jumped on her head 2 weeks later, breaking them and we got the frame i preferred.

amusedbush · 07/10/2020 22:45

I started wearing glasses when I was 7 and my mum always let me choose my own frames. My eyesight is terrible (though weirdly it has improved when I had my eyes tested last week, I’ve got a weaker prescription than two years ago!) so I ended up with new glasses every year due to changing prescriptions.

Besides, round frames are fashionable - I have three pairs of large, round frames!

StripyHorse · 07/10/2020 22:45

Let her choose.

If she likes them, getting her to wear them will be easier (hence the disney / marvel glasses available).

I would try and get 2 pairs though.

You might also find she has to go back every 6 months for a while - I know DD did when she first started wearing glasses.

Scrapper142 · 07/10/2020 22:46

@Myneighboursnorlax

I had glasses from a young age and my mum let me pick my own. I chose massive green ones which covered most of my face. I loved them at the time. Now when I look back at photos I just think “wtf was my mum thinking letting me wear those?! I look awful!”

I think if they are nice but just not what you’d have chosen then let her pick. If she’s going to look back at the photos when she’s an adult and cringe then I’d try and subtly steer her in a different direction.

I know all the other replies are saying let her choose no matter what, but I just feel such embarrassment when I look back at my old childhood photos that I’d want to protect her from that. I’m probably projecting a bit though...

I think that's a really sad outlook. Basically don't live in the moment but worry about our future photos!!! Don't think about your reaction today but remember the love you had for them then. I have a 20 year old photo of me in glasses that didn't 'suit' me, were 'too big' and I was discouraged from getting, but wanted. Yet its the same look as all the kids have today!

Anyway. Let her pick. I've worn glasses from primary age, it is part of my identity. To the point that I'd never consider surgery because when I think about my face it has glasses on. I have emotional attachments to my glasses, my different glasses relate to different periods of my life. I've always picked what I wanted, even when I had people telling me they don't like them, they don't suit me.

We fundamentally go wrong when we worry more about what people think of us than what we want for ourselves. I'd prefer to look at my face and love my 'wrong' glasses than look and think I don't like it, but others do, so its ok. These things get picked up early.

Sunnydayhere · 07/10/2020 22:47
  1. Your worries might be short lived. My similarly aged son’s record for glasses was a day. Lenses gouged in the morning, frames trodden on in the afternoon. He ended up on first name terms with the optician. 26 years on he’s more careful with glasses. (Phones are a different matter!)
  1. Its quite a thing being young and wearing glasses. Especially early on. (Been there, done that) Not much choice 55 years ago but still not impressed with my parents’ choice. When I was a bit older and found out that the optician was able to turn NHS round glasses into John Lennon look alikes I was made up. (By removing plastic lens surround etc
Original poster
SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 22:53

Are round ones more fashionable? Shows what I know, I've never been very good at that kind of thing myself, perhaps DD has better taste than me anyway. Thanks everyone she'll be having the ones she likes best.

OP posts:
Shylo · 07/10/2020 23:03

Definitely let her pick - she’s five and they’ll need replacing before you know it, in the meantime she’s happily worn the frames she liked

I’ve always let my daughter choose - she has to wear them, her choice

PhoebeSnow · 07/10/2020 23:05

Round ones are very cute. Your daughter will wear them , she might not if she hasn’t pick them herself.
I’m glad you are letting her pick her own. I had national health ones because my parents couldn’t afford any nice frames, so now I always get the best I can afford, although I use contact lenses more now.

Chloemol · 07/10/2020 23:06

Let her choose, and it doesn’t matter if she looks back and thinks I wish I hadn’t, I bet there’s loads of stuff all of us would do differently if we knew as a child what we know as an adult.

As long as she is happy that’s all that matters at the moment

TitsOutForHarambe · 07/10/2020 23:16

Let her choose. Even if she ends up not liking them it's not a big deal - it's a good lesson for her. She probably won't be wearing them for that long anyway - I give it a year at most, if she's unusually careful for a 5 year old.

WiggleSquiggle · 07/10/2020 23:17

Round ones are very fashionable right now! As long as the optician or dispensing optician said they’re a good fit, and they help her, then that’s all that will matter to her dad in the end.
You’re right in saying she should be happy with what she’s wearing, and definitely get a spare pair too as even if you need a replacement with her NHS voucher, you’ll need a back-up whilst they’re being made.

ZenNudist · 07/10/2020 23:18

You need 2 pairs. Mind you I have 2 boys and between them we are always in the opticians. Ds2 recently broke 3 pairs in a row, it was a good thing I'd kept some old pairs!

Specsavers is good as you get second pair half price.

I'm a veteran of choosing glasses for dc. I used to want "tasteful" ones but now I go for plastic frames and dont care too much if I dont like the arm design, as long as dc happy.

Purple sounds ok and if she is 5 its best she is keen to wear them. Next time I'd dissuade her from getting round frames. I think rectangular look better. I think a year is the very longest you will use them. At 5 she will grow out of them very quickly. You will need a larger size next year.

I am very good at choosing kids glasses quickly now. No agonising. Just what fits well and will work with their prescriptions. I choose several pairs and then take the opticians advice about what is best fit. I'd still worry less about "look" and more about what optician thinks will work.

MinnieJackson · 07/10/2020 23:57

Yabu

TheSmallAssassin · 08/10/2020 00:04

The longer she gets to pick what she likes before she starts worrying about whether she looks nice for other people to look at the better, IMO!

MinnieJackson · 08/10/2020 00:08

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread. That's awesome that the optician
let you take frames home to try, especially with covid. I'm an optical assistant , does your child have any other problems?

Squidwitch · 08/10/2020 00:10

Please let her choose, my three year old son picked his, wouldn't have occurred to me what shape his face is or what I think. He chose purple Rapunzel glasses. He likes them, so he wears them, and the optician guides you to best/comfortable fit.

MinnieJackson · 08/10/2020 00:10

Ahh sit, just seen the replies, how old? X

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