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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 5 year old choose her own glasses frames?

142 replies

SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 21:35

Even though they're not really what DH and I would have chosen.

She wants ones that are pink and purple and quite rounded. I went with her to the shop and pretty much let her have free reign, but we also brought home a few other frames along with these on loan to try out. These are her first glasses and she is happy and excited about them.

If we were choosing, DP and I would pick the ones that are a more muted purple and more rectangular as we think they suit her face better. DP is frustrated with me for giving her the impression that it was completely her choice.

I was thinking that it is her face and that I want her to feel positive about her new glasses, so I'd like to just let her pick. But I do sort of see his point that maybe the frames will last a while and bright pink and purple might not be what her future self would pick. And perhaps we have some responsibility to guide her towards something that suits her face shape best? Whilst obviously still letting her have some input.

It's not like they are hideous at all, though.

Who IBU?

OP posts:

TheTrollFairy · 07/10/2020 22:09

She’ll have them for a year!
We let 3yo DD chose her own frames. DP picks his own ones to his choosing, I don’t see the difference

CoffeeInAnIV · 07/10/2020 22:10

She'll only have them for a year. Let her choose her own frames.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/10/2020 22:11

"I want her to feel positive about her new glasses,"
This is a really important point! The glasses are no use to her eyes if she won't wear them - and lots of children don't want to wear glasses.

As for them lasting a while - they won't. DS needed new frames every year - skulls grow! And then, accidents happen too.

If she likes the frames, she'll wear the glasses. Even if I thought they were hideous, I'd let her choose.

DuchenneParent · 07/10/2020 22:12

At the same age, we got a pair DS chose himself (thick dark and light blue plastic with little pictures of sharks on the side ) and a 'sensible' pair because like many opticians ours did a free spare deal. He wears his fun pair most of the time and actually they have grown on me, because they are very in keeping with his personality!

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 07/10/2020 22:13

As long as they're durable, of course she should choose. She has to wear them. She's more likely to wear them happily if she likes them.

your DH is being very unreasonable

SpringFan · 07/10/2020 22:13

Yep let her choose. If she wants to wear them, that is 99.9% of the battle.
And as someone said, kids glasses don't tend to last too long......

coldgraybrix · 07/10/2020 22:13

When I had NHS glasses as a child there really wasn't a choice. It was either pink or blue frames and that was that. Rebel that I was, I chose blue ones.

FatGirlShrinking · 07/10/2020 22:14

@BillywigSting these ones. Picture doesn't fully capture the joyous array of colours but you can see where they dug into my cheeks because they were too big 😂

To let 5 year old choose her own glasses frames?

Cactuslove · 07/10/2020 22:15

My two yr old needs glasses and I let him choose. He picked a frame that was his favourite colour. He hasn't taken them off for three months. Massively helped in getting him to wear them. His face his glasses.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/10/2020 22:16

DS had to wear glasses from a toddler. We also took the view that if he chose them, he would be more likely to wear them, so he had free rein over them from the beginning. I think if there are some aspects that your child can control of their own appearance and style, you should let them, as it helps them to develop their individuality.

Lilymossflower · 07/10/2020 22:17

Let her choose...

LittleOwl153 · 07/10/2020 22:19

My dd had her first glasses aged 4.5yrs. She chose from what the optician offered whilst we were there. They guided her as to what fit her and she made her choice. None of this bringing them home to choose....
One thing I wouldn't do is pay for kids glasses it's not necessary if you have a decent optician for that age. We made it through to aged 10 before choices became an issue. She will break a fair few pairs over the first 6 months to a year of wearing them I'd guess, and will likely change prescription at her 6 month check anyway.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/10/2020 22:19

Guiding her to choose frames that are practical is definitely a part of your job and not allowing her choice if she tends to have a hard time with it (some 5year olds find the responsibility of making a choice that has to last a while a bit much to handle) can also be important.

But guiding her "towards something that suits her face shape best" is not particularly important. She's not a doll. It doesn't matter, at 5, if she looks the way you and DH really like or if she looks like something off an over the top TV show. If you are right that she feels more positively towards her glasses because she was allowed to choose the ones she really liked, that's far more important at this stage.

BertieBotts · 07/10/2020 22:19

God, let her choose!

I don't understand this "suits her face" or "let her have a choice of 5 you find suitable" - she's five, not a fashion model. It doesn't matter if she looks coordinated or not.

Original poster

SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 22:20

Haha yes, too true about glasses fashions and looking funny in old photos regardless. Despite having had his choices vetted, photos of DH with his glasses as a little boy are still a bit funny simply because it was the 80s. He had massive round ones and he certainly wouldn't wear the same style now!

Thanks for the reality check on the longevity of kids' glasses - I know nothing about this obviously . She's far-sighted and apparently might grow out of it in a few years either way.

OP posts:

Yesmate · 07/10/2020 22:22

Let her choose. My DS has glasses from 4 and I’ve always let him choose. He has round ones the last 2 times and they are the best. They can’t look over the top of them as easily.

Bikingbear · 07/10/2020 22:22

You let her choose. If she likes them that's what matters.

I was 12 when I got glasses 'you only need them for the board' I took them off to walk 10m to my next class. I hated them but needed them more than I let on.

I remember a girl in high school who'd nail varnished the cartoon that was on the side of her glasses.

Then came the hideous big black frames that were the mid 80s rage

Original poster

SaucyHorse · 07/10/2020 22:23

I pre-vetted and asked for advice on the brand so they should be practical and good quality regardless - obviously I know that's the most important thing. And I know she's not a doll.

OP posts:

Flowerpot345 · 07/10/2020 22:24

I would let her choose.

speakout · 07/10/2020 22:25

Absolutely should be her choice.

Scaraffito · 07/10/2020 22:25

Yes, I always chose mine and I loved them and happily wore them. Looking back on photos I looked bloody ridiculous, but I was happy at the time.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 07/10/2020 22:25

It's going to be a lot easier to get her to wear them if she likes them!
Personally I say let her choose her own my dd 8 is currently rocking some bright blue ones with multi coloured arms and looks fab and is soo happy to wear them because she loves them.
You can also change them in a year or 2 so it's not like there forever

8Track · 07/10/2020 22:26

I got my first pair if glasses at 4 years, so similar to your daughter, and picked my own. I remember as I was mainly happy I wouldn't need a plaster patch like my best mate Sue!

Mine were white with multi coloured stars. I was incredibly short sighted, and got the lenses replaced a few times as the prescription changed. Think my next frames were at about 7 (tartan shiny thin frames), then 10 (Chris Evans style).

They will be HER, it makes sense for them to be a pair she likes.

VividImagination · 07/10/2020 22:27

The choice in 1972 were brown, blue or pink. I wanted the pink but was made to have the brown. I still feel aggrieved now.

Swatsup · 07/10/2020 22:27

Scrap anything from the opticians and get them to order in Tomato glasses :-)

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