To wonder why its become ok to be so overtly cruel and unprofessional to overweight patients, and why do we (overweight patients) tolerate it?

[PasstheBucket89]

Its something ive experienced first hand, i know others have experienced over and over again, i used to work in a community role dealing often with alchoholics and ex drug users and other forms of 'bodily abuse' and they didnt recieve the same level of contempt either. from us or higher up medical staff.

Im currently expecting, due to a raised BMI i took the glucose test, i don't mind i understand why (to test for GD) ive never ever had it in past pregnancies and dont have it this time. I don't mind taking growth scans as i do understand why, the baby is actually small, likely due to my hypermesis.

Well, ive had many microaggressions that i braved out but this was totally over the line. At the growth scan i was asked why my Glucose test wasn't on the system, i said id definitely been but not sure why, i wasn't angry just assumed a system error., but i was concerned that i could have a bad result and not know. She seemed annoyed (midwife A), Midwife B appeared who actually did my test and had written it down and seemed miffed. She said must have been a system error and she launched the notepad on the desk and said "i dont know how but its normal" gesturing at me and left. Im ashamed to say i said nothing, my face i think said it all, i quickly got up and left, i was also angry at midwife A for not saying anything, that could be U. Ive made a formal complaint, but truth is I imagine there will be little said and buisness as usual. when i go back im likely to see her again. , but i wonder why on earth its got this bad and what should i say if it arises again??.

Honestly OP try not to read into it. I had some rude/insensitive/bossy midwives too and I’m slightly underweight. I also had HG and lost count of the no of midwives who thought it could be cured with ginger biscuits!

When I was in labour I told the admitting midwife I was about to give birth on the floor and she said I was ‘being threatening and aggressive’ (I was panicking so I shouted to get me a bed) I was fully dilated by the time she examined me!

I don't think yabu at all but this thread has just re-enforced my decision to lose a lot more weight before actively trying for my second baby.

I love how these threads always descend into bizarre chinese whispers In terms of waterbirth please read my replies.

Sonographers, meh ive seen the maternal habitus comment on my notes. aslong as they aren't rude i cant get angry about it although its not nice. ive had one snippy one. but not enough to complain.

Someone upthread said they are white and dreaded to think how it must be to be a BAME woman and treated by midwives. I am mixed race and in all three pregnancies of which one was a horrible MC and I came close to death I had excellent care and I also had lovely health visitors. I’m not excusing genuine poor treatment by healthcare professionals and being pregnant is stressful but maybe some issues are more about poor communication.

@PasstheBucket89

I love how these threads always descend into bizarre chinese whispers In terms of waterbirth please read my replies.

Sonographers, meh ive seen the maternal habitus comment on my notes. aslong as they aren't rude i cant get angry about it although its not nice. ive had one snippy one. but not enough to complain.

people aren’t responding to your OP when discussing water births, they’re responding to comments made by subsequent posters, which is... how discussions tend to go

I had a healthy bmi in my first pregnancy, I planned a water birth. I am reasonably tall so was probably around 12 stone at full term. In labour the midwife was a short, overweight woman in her late fifties. I don't see how she would have safely been able to drag me out of the pool in an emergency, so automatically saying no-one could drag an overweight person out of the pool so they can't have a water birth seems a bit odd. Surely it should be down to individual risk assessment?

@BigRedBoat

I had a healthy bmi in my first pregnancy, I planned a water birth. I am reasonably tall so was probably around 12 stone at full term. In labour the midwife was a short, overweight woman in her late fifties. I don't see how she would have safely been able to drag me out of the pool in an emergency, so automatically saying no-one could drag an overweight person out of the pool so they can't have a water birth seems a bit odd. Surely it should be down to individual risk assessment?

She would pull an emergency buzzer and have extra staff to begin the pool evacuation procedure. This is less safe/possible with an obese woman. And much more likely to cause injury to staff

@LisaLops that is absolutely shocking.

When I was pregnant with my first, I had to have the diabetes test three times because my midwife was adamant that I must have it. I was obese, size 22, and she just wouldn't believe the results. After the third negative I refused any more.

With my second I'd lost 6 stone in weight, I took the test once, negative, it wasn't questioned.

When I think back, I get so angry that because I was fat, she wouldn't accept the results.

If you chose to eat a load of shite having just been warned about the risks, that is not the midwives fault. Have some responsibility for yourself

Absolutely none of which excuses rudeness or a general lack of professionalism by medical personnel

Agreed @Aridane, unless i was literally camped out with a kfc bucket in the appointment 😂🤔, some many good responses sorry i haven't replied to all directly. its clear im not alone.

This thread is really eye-opening. I’m overweight and currently TTC. My BMI (which is a bullshit system but anyway) is 41 and yet I run 20k a week and weight train 3 times a week in the gym. However I’m not trying to be a good fatty and prove how healthy I am - that’s irrelevant.
I would have zero problem with a midwife telling me I couldn’t have a water birth due to my weight, or that I’m at risk of extra complications or whatever. That’s fine, I understand. But tone is so important. I’m not too sensitive to be told I’m fat - that’s just factual, and that’s fine. But don’t treat/talk to me like a piece of shit because of it. I think that’s the crux of the issue.
I’ve lost 3 stone this year so far anyway as I want to be in the best shape I can be, but I doubt I’ll ever be slim. I hate how fat people are often treated by the healthcare system, I really do.

I’ve been overweight in 3 out of 4 of my pregnancies, I’ve been lucky with all my births that I’ve had, no complications, I have had big babies though, I’ve also been treated like dirt due to my weight, my consultant with my last pregnancy expected me to have complications, I was discharged at 34.5 weeks, but when I went into labour the staff didn’t even have a bed for me, luckily one was found as I had my DS 35 mins after I got there, I was discharged 6 hours later, back home doing the washing, looking after the other kids & cooking.

@MellowBird85

That is not on, totally unprofessional. When I saw the title I thought this might be a thread about a straight talking doctor (I really believe healthcare professionals do have to be honest and even a bit blunt about obesity) but this is another level. Good that you’ve made a complaint.

Do you really? Cos I'm pretty sure that the majority of us know we're overweight & are well aware of the risks. If Blunt doctors could cure obesity there wouldn't be any fat people.

Unfortunately, as she didn't come right out and say what she implied, I don't think much will be done. Just don't let it get you down. These people tend to be rather bumptious and power-crazy. Keep smiling and congrats on your baby!

Argh the glucose test is awful. None of it is personal. Really. I have been from a size 10 to a 22.

I was heavy in my first pregnancy and had GD. And it was mentioned. But then it should have been. It’s a risk factor to health. It can be done kindly and unkindly though.

Second pregnancy I was super fit and awesome and smug with myself in a way you only can be if you struggle massively with your weight. I was slightly annoyed nobody said “wow well done you’ve lost weight”. But then why should they.

I have recently been in hospital with gallstones and am currently not my heaviest but definitely overweight. Lockdown cooking. And not one person mentioned my weight. Which shocked me to bits. The radiographer told me I looked glamorous!

I think those of us who are on the bigger side can’t complain when our weight is mentioned medically. But we can expect it to be done helpfully.

I am sorry you were treated this way.
I too was treated appallingly by HCPs when pregnant...
Telling GP I had an MMC, her response was, im not suprised, you are really fat, I told you this would happen (yes really, & I left that practice immediately).
Anaesthetist when checking that I wasnt too fat to have an epidural; confirmed that they would have no issue siting the epidural then told me I was too fat to have children and should lose a lot of weight before thinking about having any more!
Luckily both my Consultant throughout pregnancy & the Anaesthetist I had for my planned section were amazing & treated me like an actual human being whilst also being factual..
I hope this doesnt happen to you again, & enjoy the rest of your pregnancy x

I think it was out of order and am glad you complained. But just in the interest of fairness, I feel the need to stick up for midwives. During my two pregnancies they were ALL superb in every way and one of them, whilst quite feisty, actually saved my daughter’s life when she was a week old. I think, in general, it is kind people who go into midwifery but they must see lots that they would rather not (e.g. mums on drugs) and sometimes feel jaded.
Not an excuse for the midwife in your case, but let’s not tar them all with the same brush.

“I think those of us who are on the bigger side can’t complain when our weight is mentioned medically. But we can expect it to be done helpfully.”

This sums it up to me....

YANBU and this needs addressing formally. There are no circumstances where this is acceptable.

Regarding drug/alcohol patients I think you were just lucky. I've seen some good treatment but I've also seen multiple times the stigma addiction and mental health carries in the NHS: it IS written on patient notes and they ARE treated according whether it be to their face or behind their back.

The NHS needs to evolve ASAP because there's no excuse for this level of ignorance this day in age.

What might surprise some people on this thread - indeed on MN in general - is that many many fat people are intelligent. I know you think we're stupid but unfortunately that's just your prejudice showing.

So, accepting that we are intelligent, ok. Many of us have senior level jobs, some of us in the health sector (I'm a public health doctor) and many of us are higher rate tax payers. For the dense among you that means we also contribute towards the NHS and are, therefore, entitled to use it and be treated with respect and dignity.

We also know we are fat and know the health problems - being intelligent, well informed human beings. Many of us are struggling to do something about our weight, other people need support to get to a position where they are in the right mindset. We might not want to be fat, but life can be challenging and being in a position to make life choices is often too much to cope with sometimes. In the meantime, we are allowed to feel attractive, want to dress well, have children, have a social life....all the things that slimmer women want to have and are entitled to.

I used to be a midwife & there was definitely a prejudice towards obesity on the ward I worked on. It was directed towards Both the mothers and overweight colleagues. During my training I commented that I was feeling very broody. A midwife snapped back ‘well you’d need to keep yourself trim because my husband is a farmer and if any of his cows were overweight he wouldn’t let them have calves’

A colleague openly discussed the fact she’d had a gastric band. Cue the b*tches: ‘she’ll be liquidising mars bars in no time’

I’m so sorry you experienced this. I believe you. I agree with some of the comments here that public health messages must be shared etc, but there’s no excuse for insensitivity, rudeness & cruelty. There’s always a lovely way of saying difficult things.

I wish you very best for your pregnancy, and hope you have an incredible birthing experience.

It is bad, that she thought it was OK, to think you had diabetes, because I am guessing you are a bit overweight. (no offence meant) but they had calm down a bit. I have always been overweight, even as a child, my doctor always said it was down to me been overweight. How can trush be down to my weight. I have a kidney issue, which leads to trush, (you numptie.) when I went to get some contraception, I again had to stand on the scales, then got a lecture about being overwight. But for the last few times, I haven't got weighed. Which is a relief. As I am an emotional eater, so every time I got the overwight speech, it makes me eat loads to burry my feelings. I even had a doctor when I was a child point out about me being overweight, whilst he was overweight himself, I sat there thinking, isn't that a bit rich pal. But it is annoying, I had my mum talking about diets, when I was 7 months pregnant. (not fat mum, baby)

Not read the whole thread yet, but this is something I've been experiencing since 16 (I wasn't even overweight at 16, but I have a round face). I have multiple medical conditions that CAUSE weight gain and make it difficult to lose. Every issue is blamed on my weight. I can go in with a sore arm, it's always because of my weight. Yet I spent over 4 years asking for medication to help me lose weight and was refused it repeatedly (I had previously take it and it was successful). When I was experiencing post natal depression, I went to the GP when my son was about 8 months old, the GP shamed me so much about my weight (I was in size 12 jeans) that it took me another 16 months to actually seek help again at a different practice. I formally complained about my experience with that GP, they dismissed it and did not offer me an appointment to discuss my PND. Constantly being told to lose weight but no actual help to do so

@dms1 I used to be a midwife & there was definitely a prejudice towards obesity on the ward I worked on. It was directed towards Both the mothers and overweight colleagues.

I also used to be a midwife and can relate to this so much! Some attitudes within the profession are appalling.