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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, to think these pictures were staged

214 replies

60sbird · 06/10/2020 08:57

Would anyone actually allow their children to make a mess like this, I know I wouldn’t
metro.co.uk/2020/10/05/these-are-the-uks-messiest-bedrooms-of-2020-13371611/

OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 06/10/2020 22:47

@Cooltalkin, yes hoarding is linked to trauma. That trauma could be
Bereavement,parental divorce,bullying, onset of another mental illness,poverty,stress

The items hoarded gain a significance and an attachment is formed
In essence the items are emotionally more important than their physical worth. As the items hoarded are often of no or little financial or aesthetic worth

PenfoldPenny · 06/10/2020 22:48

No, not staged. Lots of people live like that.

Foliageeverywhere122 · 06/10/2020 22:49

"Over 300 people sent in their pictures to be in with a chance to win a brand new bed."

I'd also dump stuff everywhere for a free bed Grin

ImFree2doasiwant · 06/10/2020 22:49

I'm a local authority housing officer, pre Covid I carried out home visits to housing applicants. I have been in plenty of houses like these, and worse.

LuaDipa · 07/10/2020 11:01

My dd would absolutely allow her bedroom to get like this given the choice. I let it get half this bad, while refusing to clean and tidy it yet again, and dd merrily continues leaving a path of mess and debris in her wake. I then get fed up and clean it. Within a week her bedroom is well on its way back to it’s original disgusting state.

The rest of the house, while not spotless, is clean and relatively tidy. I have to clean and vacuum daily as we have dogs. We don’t allow pets or food upstairs though and generally I only enter the kids rooms to retrieve washing from their baskets. Or in dd’s case from her floor.

I have no idea why she is so scruffy. Ds is tidier that we are - his bedroom is like a showhome! Dd not only doesn’t see mess, she actually prefers it. I’m hope ss never come knocking.Blush

MitziK · 07/10/2020 18:27

People who hoard can also do it as part of abuse and coercive control.

You aren't worth as much as the Stuff.

Your physical safety isn't as important as the Stuff.

Your ability to move around freely isn't as important as the Stuff.

Your ability to have a bath isn't as important as the Stuff.

You're walled in. Your space isn't as important as the Stuff.

You aren't worth unbroken things.

You aren't worth clothes or shoes that fit or aren't motheaten.

You aren't worth having a bed that isn't broken or a mattress that isn't 40 years old and with rusty sharp springs sticking out of it. And if it literally falls apart, it's your fault for being so fat and ugly, so you sleep on the knackered mattress on the floor like a homeless person.

You can't be allowed to think - the Stuff has to be constantly in your face, around your legs, closing in on your body, towering over your head.

You can't be allowed to breathe.

You can't be allowed to trust the safety of food.

You can't have anybody round - not friends (because YOU MADE IT LIKE THIS and they'll all hate you because you're the trampy, smelly kid covered in cat fluff and shedding the occasional cat flea), not Social Workers (because they might find out that you're being beaten if there was a space to talk to you privately), not workmen to install heating because 'children don't need heating', etc.

I've gone through a list of possible traumas my mother could have had. The nearest we can get to is that she was traumatised by
the 4th sibling being put on the At Risk register because she was battering him whilst off her tits on diet pills and tranquilisers. And that meant she might have had some of her property taken away. Him. The utter slovenliness came after that - build a wall (literally) so that nobody knows the next one exists until they're old enough to have to go to school.

That's why I think those photos are all just pathetic mock ups of what people think hoarders houses look like. A proper hoarded house isn't a house. It's barricaded with furniture, clothes, scissors, knives, glasses, trays, DVDs, videos, appliances, rotten food, mummified cat shit, 32 rolls of kitchen foil, 3 fridges and 2 massive freezers, infested with fleas, 17 year old grease in the chip pan balanced on top of the tins balanced on top of the grill, covered with grease soaked teatowels, cat bowls with food in them, an open litter tray...

If you go in and find that somehow, there is a place with no carpet, no heating, no hot water, but you were actually able to get in through the door without turning sideways and you actually had the edge of a sofa to perch on, you think 'OH MY GOD - IT'S SO CLEAN!!!', that's what a real hoarded house looks like.

Not a few clothes and some clean MccyD paper bags dumped on the floor for a photo opportunity.

nevernotstruggling · 07/10/2020 19:48

@MitziK that was a harrowing post and I just offer support and kindness. What you have lived through my god. Sadly it reminds me very much of the marriage of a very dear friend.

Sewrainbow · 07/10/2020 20:18

I doubt they are staged. My dm lives in a house that looks like this, as kids it regularly looked like these until my brother and I cleared it up Sad

My kids' can look like some of them 5 mins after tidying them though. Although that's usually an easy fix of picking stuff up and putting it away. Sadly dm is a result of never cleaning and sorting so hers is a health hazard Sad

Sewrainbow · 07/10/2020 20:25

Ok having read they were part of a competition then yes they're probably staged. I know dm wouldn't allow hers to be photographed.

She definitely has a mental health condition but refuses to accept that idea and wont sort it herself. I doubt itll ever get sorted now

MitziK · 07/10/2020 20:38

[quote nevernotstruggling]@MitziK that was a harrowing post and I just offer support and kindness. What you have lived through my god. Sadly it reminds me very much of the marriage of a very dear friend. [/quote]
Thank you - I say it from time to time because I am sick of the 'Poor little hoarder, you know they just can't help it and they've got some terrible secret tragedy in their life' schtick.

Notverybright · 08/10/2020 07:53

MitziK that’s awful I’m sorry your mother put you through that.

I’m not sure why hoarders are being mentioned at all though. This was just like the mess I made in my room as a teenager and my sister.

Judging by my friends at uni we were not unusual by any stretch. It was a phase we grew out of. I don’t think, with the greatest respect to other posters, that teenage bedrooms with no floor showing, are the same thing at all. The ones with food everywhere are disturbing though.

Notverybright · 08/10/2020 07:54

I don’t think, with the greatest respect to other posters, that teenage bedrooms with no floor showing, are the same thing at all.

Theame thing as hoarding I mean.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 09:52

My FiL is a hoarder with a small h. Got worse as he's aged but the hoard is still contained to a designated few rooms and he can still get rid of stuff "if its going to a good home". He's not traumatised in the least, nor are his sons who show fledgling hoarding tendancies.

I am sure hoarding can stem from trauma in some cases but in our family it seems more closely linked to autistic tendencies.

Whiskyinajar · 08/10/2020 12:20

@Porcupineinwaiting

My FiL is a hoarder with a small h. Got worse as he's aged but the hoard is still contained to a designated few rooms and he can still get rid of stuff "if its going to a good home". He's not traumatised in the least, nor are his sons who show fledgling hoarding tendancies.

I am sure hoarding can stem from trauma in some cases but in our family it seems more closely linked to autistic tendencies.

I agree...myself and DS are autistic and my executive function skills are appalling. I’m more disorganised than a hoarder and chronically overwhelmed at times.

Hoarding UK has a lot of information...and I’m definitely in the chronic disorganised/overwhelmed category.

It’s relatively tidy at home at the moment but I still have areas which become very cluttered..

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