AIBU, to think these pictures were staged

[60sbird]

Would anyone actually allow their children to make a mess like this, I know I wouldn’t
metro.co.uk/2020/10/05/these-are-the-uks-messiest-bedrooms-of-2020-13371611/

No matter how loved the child or stable the home.

I think some of the pictures might be staged - the ones where there’s just toys and clothes on the floor - but I think the ones with actual rubbish must be real.
Someone who’s usually fairly tidy isn’t likely to be tipping empty bottles and food packaging all over their bedroom for a photo.

My teenage bedroom was definitely untidy on a fairly permanent basis but not quite at these levels. I would have piles of stuff on every surface and on the floor where I had run out of surface space. I also shoved lots of stuff under my bed and it would soon start to spill out. There were two mitigating factors in my defence though - the first is that although I had clutter, I always made sure everything was clean. The thought of leaving any food or drinks which could get mouldy, or worse, attract mice and/or insects turned my stomach even at a young age so I would actually empty bins and clean regularly - it's just that cleaning involved transferring a pile of stuff to another location, cleaning the first and then putting it back. The second issue was that I had a fairly small room and a distinct lack of storage. The rest of our house was kept in show-house conditions and my mum hated any personal items in public areas so everything I owned had to live somewhere in my room and there just wasn't the space. I had a chest of drawers which was in my room from birth until I moved out at 19. The drawers were small and probably fine for baby/child's clothes but could barely fit one pair of jeans as I got older. Then there were my books (I've always been a massive bookworm), my school work, text books etc and other things - trinkets, gifts, cds, videos (yes, I'm that old) etc. All these things started in neat piles but with limited space, the piles started to merge. My parents would constantly criticise the state of my room but never suggested better storage options. Looking back I definitely would have upgraded the chest of drawers, put up some shelves and invested in some storage boxes for under the bed etc but I was a bit young and clueless about how to manage it all and they wouldn't help.

Interestingly though, in all the time I've had my own home, I've been meticulous about tidying, having a place for everything and ensuring there is enough storage for everything.

As for the validity of these photos, I am reminded of when my in-law's house was burgled. The place was turned upside down - drawers pulled out and emptied, crap strewn over the floor. The first question the police asked was "does this room normally look like this or did the burglars make the mess?" They explained that experience has taught them never to make assumptions and had stories of going into homes and sympathising about the terrible mess, only for the home owner to say that that particular room hadn't been touched . MiL nearly keeled over at the thought that some people live like that.

They’re clearly staged pictures in most cases, where they’ve just tipped out the contents of cupboards onto the floor. That’s not genuinely messy.

I know I’d win the competition easily as my bedroom has a pile of clothes that’s 5ft high and the dirt on the skirting boards is pretty thick too.

I keep the rest of the house fairly tidy and relatively clean but my bedroom is a complete pigsty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s given me a spurt of energy to clean!

My house was kind of like this when my eldest was small. I had PND and just couldn’t manage it. I had no help but probably wouldn’t have accepted it if I did because it would have added to my feelings of being a failure.

I have seen worse than this in a past job. It was really sad.

Urgh, I couldn't actually get to the end the mess was making me feel ill.

The smell especially the ones with pets and fast food wrappers must be disgusting.

They probably are real. Some people live like animals.

My dh ex called once to say he needed to repremand ss on his room. She had been working away and the room looked simular to those. You coulndt see the floor it was just toys and rubbish and clothes everywhere.

No,it’s definitely not a social service issue at all And not necessarily a mh issue either
Minging,yes. But not all unsavoury behaviour/environment requires a statutory intervention
Clearly the easiest resolution is parent and teen address the mess, get a plan

Hoarding is a different issue and will trigger SG and local authority involvement. Self neglect and probably breach of tenancy as the fire loading is increased
In these cases One teenager room in an otherwise ok home,will not trigger an SS involvement

My DD's bedroom was like this. She has ADD and couldn't tidy, I had four other kids who wouldn't tidy, and enough of a struggle to keep the downstairs habitable.

She's an adult now and still inclined to be messy and untidy, but nothing like this. She shares with her partner and their place is scrupulously clean downstairs (although upstairs can degenerate quite quickly!). But now she has medication and things put in place to help her organise.

The others (not quite as bad but still shit heap room dwellers) all have beautifully tidy houses. So it's not a life sentence so much as lazy, avoidant kids and parents who've lost the will.

They aren't all childrens bedrooms for a start.

My teen DS used to keep his room like that. I would tidy it up and within 3 days it was back to shit again, so I decided he could live like that if he chose. The rest of my house was pristine

Well I don't feel so messy now for having a couple things on my floor.

Some of these are disgusting and very probably real.

A friend of my sons mum was a hoarder. Poor thing couldn't have a bath or a shower because it was full of stuff. Their whole house was like that.

I have two friends raised in pristine homes who’s mothers were emotionally abusive and the obsession with cleanliness impacted badly on home life. Being messy, within limits, is not abusive if hygiene standards are met.
I brought my dc up in clean and tidy homes but my teenage son’s bedroom was a pit sometimes.

I did once clear out two teenage sons rooms that needed cleaning by putting everything in bin bags, opening windows and hurling them out. It was raining hard.

Never allowed food in rooms because I knew exactly how much they would fester. Drinks did get snuck up and came back with green floaty bits in them yuck.

Unfortunately I don't think so.

I had a friend who lived like a filthy pig. No MH issues just lazy. When I visited her last, the windowsill in the upstairs bedroom had 14 half drunk bottles of milk sitting there in different stages of... well chunks.

It was disgusting.
As a teen her bedroom floor was barely visible due to dumped clothes. To see her out and about though? Looked like a model. Well put together, hair, make up and clothes were lovely. You'd have never guessed.

And only a couple of years ago I walked into my kids room that I'd not gone into in a while and I was furious to see that the whole floor was completely covered in toys and they were walking over everything to get to the door.

I've known two people that messy. One is a sibling! The other was the wife of a friend, OMG their house was horrifying (I think it was her as I'd known him previously and he was reasonably tidy, and it was her space that was the most shocking).

The pics make me feel better about my DC rooms... they actually positively like mess and feel at ease in it, but they're not that bad. I do insist on plates, cups and litter being removed.

When its a young kids room I think that's really unfair on them to be honest. Almost cruel.

There's no reason for kids rooms to have mounds of clothes and toys like that. If you think it's normal then maybe you have some issues going on with your life, who knows.

I work in social services with vulnerable adults and their houses absolutely get like this. I've been in houses where the smell has been so bad I've had to walk out retching.

Some really serious mental health issues / issues of neglect towards young children.

I had to empty out her toy boxes because as well as toys they were also full of dirty socks, snotty tissues, crisp packets and glitter. She had taken the wax from Babybels and smooshed it into the carpet and furniture.

Why does she take food in her room? What consequences are there for her trashing her room?

I don’t understand how these people are not ill. Those rooms are filthy.

I am as messy as some of these. In my case, I suspect I have adult ADHD, undiagnosed - was always this messy and struggle with things others find easy, like focusing and timekeeping.

My space isn't usually dirty but is messy.

Another factor to bear in mind is that space is a very expensive luxury - many families are crammed into tiny living spaces, through no fault of their own, and the reality is that there just isn't enough suitable storage for stuff, so it does end up piled in places, and piles fall over etc.

Particularly an issue for those living in rented accommodation, where it's not worth while buying suitable storage to fit the specific flat/house, because a) it's another expense and b) you might be moved on at any point at he whim of a landlord.

Many of these responses are unnecessarily blamy and judgy - having enough room to store your stuff, enough cupboards or whatever to do it in, and the ability/time to do it, is not a luxury everyone enjoys. Yes, people do get overwhelmed, particularly if they have young children who can mess up faster than they can tidy.

Having some empathy does not hurt. I know some people enjoy tidying. Understanding that some don't and find it difficult costs you smug people nothing. Bully for you. Bet when not mocking people who are messy, you are mocking people who fail exams or who are poor.

I actually think having a competition for messiest room is pretty irresponsible, when there are often MH issues involved.

My sisters room used to look a lot like some of these when she was a teenager and when she was in her early 20s. It drove my poor mum (who was pretty tidy) to despair

She is in her 60s now and obviously much tider. She complains about the state of my nephew's room (who is 25) who is temporarily staying with her. The thing is his room is nowhere near as bad as her used to be!! You can't tell her that though

@myfatcat

I had to empty out her toy boxes because as well as toys they were also full of dirty socks, snotty tissues, crisp packets and glitter. She had taken the wax from Babybels and smooshed it into the carpet and furniture.

Why does she take food in her room? What consequences are there for her trashing her room?

She is not allowed to take food upstairs, nobody is, she has obviously been sneaking about and doing it behind my back. She was banned from the Playstation for a week and I made her help me tidy her room and she seemed very contrite and apologetic at the time and was so jappy with her room when it was spotless, but did start slipping back into her old ways again recently since being back at school, but I am keeping on at her to tidy up when it gets messy. I get a lot of backchat and foot stamping/door slamming but she will do it if she wants something badly enough. I have told her that if it ends up at the stage where I have to spend hours cleaning it again I will have no choice but to remove everything from her room, at which point she became hysterical. I think she must be at an age where she really, really wants to push her boundaries because she understands the consequences of her actions and she really doesn't want the consequences but then keeps "forgetting" her promises and begging for the consequences to dropped wailing "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease, I'll do ANYTHING". I never give in or go back on a punishment, this has never happened, yet still she tries. She is very hard work, always has been. She is currently in the process of being assessed for possible ASD.