AIBU, to think these pictures were staged

[60sbird]

Would anyone actually allow their children to make a mess like this, I know I wouldn’t
metro.co.uk/2020/10/05/these-are-the-uks-messiest-bedrooms-of-2020-13371611/

I expect some are staged, but unfortunately I have seen places like these (hoarders). It is very sad.

@SBTLove

How can parents on here claim they couldn’t find any way to manage their child and their filth/mess? Do these kids just walk all over their parents and have no consequences?

You cannot physically FORCE a teenager to clear up. Mine were teenagers before loads of tech, received no pocket money and we were too poor for treats, trips etc.

When you have nothing left to hold over them as 'consequences' and they can last far far longer in the war of attrition than you can - then yes, eventually you let them live in filth.

Rest of the house was usually okay though.

Some people do live like this !

My sister's teenage bedroom was just like this!

From my unscientific research in student halls/houses. Some people were clean in their bedroom and the kitchen, but of the messy people the girls tended to be clean in communal areas and messy in their rooms and the boys tended to have immaculate bedrooms and make huge messes in the kitchen.

I wonder if my kids bedrooms would get like this if I just left them to it? I don't know. They don't seem to have any compulsion of their own to put empty wrappers in the bin and tge clothes spewing out of drawers and wardrobes is definitely a thing. I hope they would never let it get this bad.

I knew a girl like this in my teens. She had a studio flat and a baby, the place was horrific. I visited her one day and her baby had been placed into care. She said she was falsely accused of harming her DD due to an injury she took her to a&e with. On reflection there was a long history of neglect and mental health problems and the social services involvement had probably been going on for a long time.

One of the children's rooms reminds me of the time DD was 2 and climbed out of her cot at nap time. She pulled everything out of her drawers, threw every toy she and her sister owned on the floor and scattered the clean pull ups over the top for good measure. I found her fast asleep on the floor in the middle of the chaos.....

Nonsense. If every child with a messy room was investigated where would it stop? There are way way bigger problems out there.

Sigh.

I have also removed children who live in environments like this and much much worse.

Clutter in the home is a serious risk. We use fire service risk indicators at work (ss) to help families understand.

This is an example.

www.london-fire.gov.uk/media/1608/clutter-image-ratings.pdf

Some of these look like hoarders. I have too much stuff and I hoard and it's a constant battle to fight my behaviours if my mood is low. I have never ever left food, dirty plates or wrappers about and it's not normal. It's a MH issue for which there is great embarrassment and shame and not much help. Unfortunately most hoarders do not see there is a problem.

I have to mentally make note to declutter and thin out toys and clothes and set times to do so. It just doesn't come naturally to some people.

Of course kids get removed in these situations. It is neglect.

Yes there can be a local authority intervention if the environment is detrimental to wellbeing, and C&F involved ifit meets the CIN or CP threshold
The LFB hoarding scale is commonly used as a guide
And yes clutter can compromise safety and fire load

I am simply saying SW won’t automatically intervene for every cluttered environment

I know from personal experience that children can be removed from homes like this, because after much deliberation, I reported my sister. We had several years of social services interventions to allow her kids to stay with her, but ultimately she felt that the social workers were being unreasonable and that her house was 'just a bit messy'. It wasn't. It was far worse than anything in any of those photos. She was asked to choose between her children and her belongings and she said she couldn't live without her belongings. She loves her children and would never deliberately inflict harm on them, but she just could not see what was in front of her eyes.

It is a severe mental health issue and there is next to no help available. I have searched and searched for almost 20 years now.

@Handsoffisback

I'm not remotely surprised as most people turn a blind eye to neglect. People ignored the state of my house growing up, they ignored the fact that I stank because I never washed, never cleaned my teeth, never went out, never had friends. Every now and again someone would ask me if I'd ever been hit but didn't care after that. Nobody would help me, people would rather not see.

It re-assures me to see at least a few people on this thread that would get involved and do something, maybe you would have helped me. Everyone dismissing them is what allowed what happened to me to continue. Shame on them.

Of course there will be well many well looked after kids with messy rooms and an investigation would reveal that but they shouldn't be ignored. There will always be those like me that desperately needed help but have no voice.

Of course they were. There was the chance to win a new bed in exchange for emptying a wardrobe over the carpet and taking a shit quality photo. Except for the couple of landlords taking pictures of the aftermath where they'd had a shit tenant in - and even then, there's a distinct lack of actual filth, they look more as though somebody's just popped a bag of recycling down for five minutes.

None of those would take more than about 20 minutes with a roll of bin bags to pick up and a bit longer to fold and put the clothes away.

@Handsoffisback reread my post. I’m saying there is threshold eg Child protection to be met before any local authority will remove a child .

You noted just like they don’t remove every child that is being abused by their parents unfortunately.Sadly many cases do get missed
⬆️ Yes unfortunately some cases do get missed for a number of reasons. Unfortunately there will never be full detection of abuse,or neglect. Many perpetrators are skilled and adept at avoiding detection

@Handsoffisback

I completely get the never ending presents pickly that’s been one of my bugbears in the past and it’s hard to address with my lovely mum who just sees it as spoiling her grandkids (which it is obviously and we are grateful).

My parents are really good, they completely understand our issues with space and not wanting the kids to have loads of stuff just for the sake of it, but I have a step-aunt who I almost never see as she's always swanning around on holidays etc, my kids don't even know her but every year she sends a load of random shite for them at Christmas! I actually did ask my mum if she could maybe have a gentle word about how we're running out of space and last year they got vouchers instead! My partners cousin is the worst, she genuinely is a hoarder, her entire house is worse than any of the pictures in that article. She just spends so much money on cheap plastic novelty tat from B&M and Home Bargains, seemingly saves it all up and then sends a massive box of it all at Christmas. She's been given specific requests this year too!

[quote SentientAndCognisant]@JenniferSantoro there must have been other compounding factors and the cases must have met the CP threshold. Messy room in itself,whilst unsavoury, wouldn’t trigger CP.
Local authority would need to demonstrate significant concern to request Interim Care , or an Emergency Protection Order[/quote]
Yes, mess in conjunction with no food in cupboards, dog shit on floor, no bedding, disgusting bathrooms etc. I wasn’t a social worker. I’m talking about the step before children’s social care. It was definitely frustrating work.

My husband used to have a friend who lived like this. It was awful. He had four children who lived with their mum and he lived in such a shit tip the council had been in more than once to clear out the house. He slept in a sleeping bag on the sofa when we last saw him. Just awful.

I was an untidy child and I’m an untidy adult, but at least you can see the carpet and stuff is piled tidily.

@Tarantallegra I’m sorry things were so awful for you 💐
Many children will have dropped through the gaps during lockdown when the schools were closed. Not to mention going without what is often their only decent meal during the day.

When I was in primary school one of my friends room was like these and in secondary school one of my friends whole house was a shit pit. Sadly, unstaged rooms like this exist