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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, to think these pictures were staged

214 replies

60sbird · 06/10/2020 08:57

Would anyone actually allow their children to make a mess like this, I know I wouldn’t
metro.co.uk/2020/10/05/these-are-the-uks-messiest-bedrooms-of-2020-13371611/

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 06/10/2020 10:42

My DH's bedroom in his shared flat, when I first met him, was appalling. There was a paths through the mess on the floor but sometimes they toppled and your only choice was to wade.

I'm not surprised there are other people out there like 20-something him.

FourPlasticRings · 06/10/2020 10:42

@keeprocking

A bunch of soon to be hoarders I suspect.

With their own TV prgramme and a host of excuses for their slobbish behaviour that will absolve them of all responsibility.

I'd wager the other way, you know. In my experience, people brought up in these conditions often become very anti-clutter.
Hm2020 · 06/10/2020 10:45

I knew someone when I was much younger who’s dcs bedroom was like that

BillywigSting · 06/10/2020 10:47

@FourPlasticRings I can vouch for that personally.

BrieAndChilli · 06/10/2020 10:52

My sisters house can get like that. I almost called social services when my nephew was a baby because of the state of the place (rabbit poo all over the floor, medication and alcohol randomly all over the house, piles of junk, etc etc) even now her house is just a mess. Once when I was there we had pizza. She took the pizza out of the box to put in the oven and then just chucked the boxes on the kitchen floor. Another time she dropped a glass of gin, picked up the main bit of the glass but then left the rest and the spillage on the floor. It was still there the next day!
She babysat at mine once and I can home to all the kitchen cupboards open and in the course of an afternoon she had used every single glass and plastic tumbler in the house (about 50 I reckon) for her and 5 kids!!!! She has about 5 laundry baskets which are always full and overflowing (rather than having one and keeping up with the washing)

I’m not tidy by any means. But I can see how some people slip into really really bad.

VettiyaIruken · 06/10/2020 10:54

Just had another look and yes, some of them are staged.

When the carpet is totally clean and clearly recently hoovered I bet stuff's been tipped out for a photo.

Those with the grotty carpets covered in bits are long term.

thenightsky · 06/10/2020 11:03

I knew a grown man in his 40s with a bedroom like that. He lived with his mother! He ended up sleeping on the sofa because eventually he couldn't get into the bedroom, never mind find the bed.

Smallsteps88 · 06/10/2020 11:03

My DH's bedroom in his shared flat, when I first met him, was appalling. There was a paths through the mess on the floor but sometimes they toppled and your only choice was to wade.

And you married him?? Shock I would have run away screaming at the first glimpse of the dump.

Coniferhedge · 06/10/2020 11:04

I can believe these are real. I used to work as a secretary in a law firm and the way some of those supposedly nice, normal, professional people used to leave the toilets used to make me wonder what their houses looked like.

It's the one with all the McDonald's wrappers that's getting to me. It must stink!

SBTLove · 06/10/2020 11:08

@Picklypickles
If I was you I’d empty her room when she’s at school, leave the furniture and clothes but all toys, books, craft stuff, every item out and she has to ask for something until she learns her behaviour is unacceptable. I bet she doesn’t make that mess at school.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 06/10/2020 11:11

I can't believe people let young children live like that. Disgusting. They need to be taught how to keep things tidy and their parents need to get rid of clutter or have adequate storage.

ToastyFingers · 06/10/2020 11:14

My bedroom was like those or worse as a child/teenager. My parents were alcoholics and I have mental health problems though.

FourPlasticRings · 06/10/2020 11:14

[quote SBTLove]@Picklypickles
If I was you I’d empty her room when she’s at school, leave the furniture and clothes but all toys, books, craft stuff, every item out and she has to ask for something until she learns her behaviour is unacceptable. I bet she doesn’t make that mess at school.[/quote]
Yes, do. Cruel to be kind, but keeping on top of mess is a life skill and clearly she has too much stuff to manage it, rendering it impossible for her current level of organisational skill. Reduce the stuff, reduce the difficulty, increase the chances of success.

Porcupineinwaiting · 06/10/2020 11:23

No, not staged.

I'm on the messy side (and downright filthy by MN standards - I only hoover and clean once a week) but I couldn't tolerate even a quarter as much mess.

JenniferSantoro · 06/10/2020 11:23

@Hokeywokey not so much if it’s just one room, but in my experience if you have a bedroom full of rubbish, no bedding on, mouldy food etc etc, then generally the rest of the house is often like this too. These are the kinds of houses where there is often no food in the cupboards, dog shit on the floor etc. Yes I’ve removed children from houses like this. The sad thing is it’s the norm for these children and they don’t even know they are living in a shit hole.

Rachie1973 · 06/10/2020 11:24

Lol my sons room was exactly like that. I used to just shut the door and complain if it started to smell.

Picklypickles · 06/10/2020 11:24

[quote SBTLove]@Picklypickles
If I was you I’d empty her room when she’s at school, leave the furniture and clothes but all toys, books, craft stuff, every item out and she has to ask for something until she learns her behaviour is unacceptable. I bet she doesn’t make that mess at school.[/quote]
Yes, I have threatened to do this but I'm so soft and she gets so hysterical about her stuff that I worry she'll do something stupid like threaten to hurt herself again. I did get rid of a lot of old toys and stuff when I did the big clear-out, it doesn't help that our house is small and we don't have a lot of storage space to move things like an entire bookshelf out of her room to somewhere else for example.

At the moment I'm having some success by not allowing her to play Minecraft or watch a film or go out for example until her room is tidy, she is very stubborn and I have to keep on at her constantly about it but I think it is starting to sink in now that she isn't going to get away with it.

ReallySpicyCurry · 06/10/2020 11:30

This makes my skin crawl. Even badgers clear out their dens.

Fluffybutter · 06/10/2020 11:37

Some maybe but it does happen.
My bedroom was an absolute shit tip when I was younger and looked not too dissimilar to some of these , the amount of mouldy cups and plates I used to stash under my bed until one day my parents had enough and went in and chucked most of my stuff away .
I’m a bit of a clean freak now so it worked !

LemmysAceCard · 06/10/2020 11:42

@Picklypickles

My 9yr old daughter is extremely untidy, her room often looks like some of the kids rooms in this article and it really doesn't take long for it to end up that way. She likes to play make-believe and this apparently requires her to empty her dressing-up box, clothes out of her drawers and wardrobe, blankets, books and toys and to spread these things around the house. She will then use every excuse in the book not to tidy up after herself, its a constant battle between us, she even flumped down to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and threatened to kill herself once when I told her she needed to tidy her room. At the start of lockdown I spent 6hrs one day cleaning out her room, scrubbing crayon off the walls, fishing out books and clothes from under the bed, I had to empty out her toy boxes because as well as toys they were also full of dirty socks, snotty tissues, crisp packets and glitter. She had taken the wax from Babybels and smooshed it into the carpet and furniture. Then towards the end of lockdown I had to spend another 3hrs tidying her room because she'd wrecked it again. I've tried everything to get her to keep her room tidy, I can't stand mess. She's desperate to get pocket money, I've been saying for 2yrs now that I'm happy to give her pocket money if she keeps her room tidy, she hasn't been given a penny yet. She is just an absolute whirlwind of chaos and destruction.
I know how you feel @Picklypickles my now adult sons shared a room and the pair of them would have their room like a shit hole. It was clothes and toys, they were not allowed food upstairs.

In a day the bedroom would be a bomb site. Me and DP would spend hours cleaning, hoovering, scrubbing and throwing toys away. They had plenty of storage. But by the next day it was like we had never touched it. There would be constant battles about the room and cleaning, getting shut in their room for a day to clean and it was still a mess 10 hours later.

When they were 15 or so i just got sick of the constant battles and arguments and i just shut the door. for my mental health i had to. It was the same merry go round argument for years and i couldnt bear it.

The rest of the house is spotless, no rubbish or clutter. My other son had a single room and his room was always tidy.

Funnily enough when they got girlfriends and wanted to bring them round the room was spotless, or son 2 would tidy up but only his half and throw anything that was sons3's onto his bed. There was a line down the room of stuff and non stuff.

My sons have all moved out now and keep their houses clean, i have a desire to go in and empty the draws and wardrobes to see how they like it!

My DD is 8 and straying into the same territory. Drawing on the walls, stuff everywhere, gets something out doesnt put it away, etc, constant battles etc. I now tidy it daily, she should do it but i have not got the energy for it.

SBTLove · 06/10/2020 11:43

@Picklypickles
Stop being soft, she’s 9 not a toddler and is clearly manipulating you with the threats, imagine her at 14, what will she threaten with you then? No way would I allow this behaviour.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 06/10/2020 11:45

It always amazes me SS don't get involved when when people go on those cleaning programmes........there was one on last week where a woman was living in a house piled high with rubbish, covered in cat poo and urine and infested with rats. She had a young, disabled child living with her.

I seriously hope there was some intervention because it baffles me how people can live like that. And it's just cruel to force it upon a child.

whirlwindwallaby · 06/10/2020 11:45

The younger children need help to give 90% of the toys away. Then a declutter before birthdays or Christmas so it doesn't get as bad again. Or just buy a few presents, but sometimes with family buying you don't have that control. It's too much to expect most young children to be able to keep tidy and they would be overwhelmed.

Plates and cups and food in bedrooms, well if it's not removed on a daily basis then you need a rule of no food in bedrooms.

SentientAndCognisant · 06/10/2020 11:48

Social services,haha. A loved child from a stable home with a messy bedroom meets no threshold for intervention
None

Nadda

Smallsteps88 · 06/10/2020 11:51

Messy bedroom isn’t a concern. Rotting food and animal faeces? Concern. SS absolutely should be involved in the latter.