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AIBU?

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Original poster

Raging husband

117 replies

natnoonat · 05/10/2020 22:08

I need help to know if I AIBU.

Husband has raged at me over an opinion we didn't share and it all came spewing out. He hasn't spoken to me for 10 days. I have been told that 'this soon won't be your house'

I have been told that I do 'fuck all'. I'd would like to list out what we do and if my contribution to the household is indeed 'fuck all'.

What he does:

Works 8 hours a day
Cooks all lunches and dinners
Does all food shopping
Does all laundry

What I do:

I am the breadwinner and pay for our mortgage
I am primary childcare for 2DC under 5.
I have set my own business up from scratch so I could be at home with the children and I run this around the children. This is now a million pound turnover business.
So I manage absolutely everything for the children (bath time, bedtime, all schooling needs, all drops offs, night wakes, illness, clothing, play dates, potty training,etc etc)
I tidy the house daily but we have a cleaner once a week for cleaning.
I manage household organisation and storage so keeping cupboards orderly and maintained. Ensure the house doesn't fall to shit basically.

I think there may be more to this vitriol but I really need to know that my contribution to our household isn't worthless as that's what I'm currently feeling.

I'd also like to point out that I looked after both children for 4 months all day, every single day whilst in lockdown and worked on by business in the evenings whilst he did his 8 hours of work daily.

Thank you

OP posts:
FourPlasticRings · 05/10/2020 22:09

YANBU.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/10/2020 22:10

You both sound like you work hard. He doesn’t sound like a nice person though.

isseywith4vampirecats · 05/10/2020 22:11

i would be telling him to look for another home for himself if he dosent like living in the house you are paying the mortgage on and no you definitely are not worthless at all you are doing far more than him

notapizzaeater · 05/10/2020 22:11

He sounds like a dick !

Marmite133 · 05/10/2020 22:11

What was it over? How did it start?
The things he has said to you are threatening and abusive.
Has this happened before? What do you mean by 'raging'? Are you scared of him?
It's not really about the list of jobs you both do. Every couple is different. What you are saying raises serious alarm bells. Can you leave?

Sarahlou63 · 05/10/2020 22:11

10 days??? See a solicitor.

1Morewineplease · 05/10/2020 22:12

Why did he say that this soon 'won't be your house?'

TracyMosby · 05/10/2020 22:12

If you have plenty of money, what about hiring someone to check out why he might have turned so nasty?

See a solicitor.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 05/10/2020 22:12

Was he different before you earned a lot of money? Sounds like a case of misogyny male pride

OhioOhioOhio · 05/10/2020 22:14

Been there, got the t shirt. You need to see a solicitor. At the moment your husband is due half your business. You need to pretend to be involved in your marriage until you secure your finances elsewhere. You also need to read Pat Craven, Living with the Dominator. This book teaches you that some people are vile.

Comtesse · 05/10/2020 22:14

He hasn’t spoken to you for 10 days? Unacceptable, imagine the atmosphere affecting those little kids. He sounds horrible. Agree it might be time for a solicitor. You’re not the one of thin ice, however much he blusters.

TidyDancer · 05/10/2020 22:15

What was the initial disagreement? I think it sounds like you both work quite hard, but he does sound like a complete twat and certainly shouldn't be talking to you like that.

To give it another perspective, you do seem focused on the financial stuff and a bit dismissive that he works 8 hours a day. I wonder if that might be having an impact on attitudes in the house in general. This does not excuse the way he's spoken to you and his silent treatment however.

AdoraBell · 05/10/2020 22:16

YANBU

Tell you should swap, you will do the shopping, laundry and cooking,he can do everything else.

What is his work, and would your business survive if you take a week off to work just 8 hours on week days

HollowTalk · 05/10/2020 22:17

See a solicitor. I think you'll end up losing the house, given your high salary, so be prepared for that. It doesn't mean he keeps the children, though.

AdoraBell · 05/10/2020 22:18

Also, as you are the bread winner can he afford to buy you out of the mortgage as he’s threatening to make you leave?

WiggleSquiggle · 05/10/2020 22:19

Reckon he thought your business venture wouldn’t work but it was something nice to keep you busy? Of course now you make a shit load, look after the children and earn more than he does, so his ego is probably all bruised. Bin off the horror.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/10/2020 22:19

I'd be done with him.

I don't play games with anyone, let alone someone I'm married to, so if DH turned around and announced something like that I'd be getting my shit together and calling his bluff.

emilybrontescorsett · 05/10/2020 22:19

Is this behaviour out of character for him?
Who's name is the house with in and why did he say soon so reconvene yours?

combatbarbie · 05/10/2020 22:19

10 days.... Wow that's nasty! What subject could possibly warrant that?? Is he expecting an apology for your views?

BubblyBarbara · 05/10/2020 22:21

He is feeling emasculated. You don’t need a manly man like this in your life as there are so many more gentle types out there. Kick this troglodyte out and with your money you can hire childcare and a housekeeper and be no worse off!

Duanphen · 05/10/2020 22:22

@HollowTalk

See a solicitor. I think you'll end up losing the house, given your high salary, so be prepared for that. It doesn't mean he keeps the children, though.
Primary caregiver usually keeps the house, or it needs to be sold so both can afford their own. Also, he can't afford to buy her out.

No one's going to get booted out by the court, least of all the wealthier one.

User4152790 · 05/10/2020 22:23

If you have a business with a million pound turnover and pay your mortgage, on what basis does he think it wouldn’t be your house? Kick him out and enjoy the rest of your life without the albatross of a shitty husband around your neck.

BillMasen · 05/10/2020 22:23

Ok so falling out for 10 days is pretty shitty.

But imagine this post by a man, saying he set up his own business and is the breadwinner, and his wife merely works an 8 hour day and does all his cooking and cleaning

I think you do seem focussed on the financial value you bring in and see that as worth more than what your partner does.

RandomMess · 05/10/2020 22:24

He sounds vile and I think it would be worth giving him some £££ to get him out your life tbh.

He is projecting his own inadequacies on you...

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2020 22:26

Seems to me you don't need him at all. Bid him farewell and tell him to get fucked.

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