If you are really posh...

[quickque]

How do you view people that aren't?

A genuine question. I can't help but feel as if some of my husbands friends / colleagues think that he's married 'down'....

Maybe a generalisation but I mostly get this impression from his female friends.

Honestly this sounds more like your issue than theirs. All the posh people I've known were confident enough not to look down on anyone. It has always been the self made types who judge everything on money.

Thank you! It could be my own insecurities o guess!

Define "really posh".

Some people would say I'm posh because I was privately educated. However in terms of social scale at my private school I was definitely near the bottom.

@Lockheart public school - Eton, Rugby etc

And don't have to work for a living

Think its more your issue.

@quickque

How do you view people that aren't?

A genuine question. I can't help but feel as if some of my husbands friends / colleagues think that he's married 'down'....

Maybe a generalisation but I mostly get this impression from his female friends.

You appear to be assuming that all people who are 'posh' (which is a vague term anyway ~ are you talking landed gentry, royalty, people who went to public school?) have the exact same opinion and persepective.

Some of the people you think of as 'posh' will be judgemental dicks. Some won't. Exactly the same as for 'non-posh' people. Who knows which category each of your husband's friends and colleagues fall into?

My poshest friend (from an aristocratic titled family) gives every impression that she genuinely doesn’t even notice the difference.

I knew a fair few very wealthy people growing up and they were not at all like you describe.

However, quite a few of the new money types I have unfortunately encountered since have been exactly as you describe. Although I feel it’s often a symptom of imposter syndrome.

I’m not sure it is just your insecurities. Dh’s family are very old money and almost all his cousins have married the offspring of people within their parents’ social circle. I was definitely treated as a bit of a novelty and my parents were solid middle/upper-middle class.
Fortunately neither dh or me give a fuck and dh’s friends are much more “normal” so it’s not been much of a problem, but I can see it would be harder coming if it was coming from his friends.

Don’t know anybody that fits that profile. The nearest is my BIL. He’s a fund manger and likes in some fuck off house in South Oxfordshire but he’s more minted than POSH.

[quote quickque]@Lockheart public school - Eton, Rugby etc

And don't have to work for a living [/quote]
Are you sure they're not just responding to you in kind?

I mean the only way you describe them seems to be by putting the boot in and implying they dont work etc.

I would hardly be falling over myself to be inclusive of someone who looked at me like that?

Lots of not really posh people go to Rugby, Eton etc.
And even if mixing socially with them - there can be fascinating undercurrents of superiority and lack of self esteem whirling around.

I had a fascinating Supper with one group, most of whom had known each other since Prep school, and one of them (amongst the others) obviously still felt like the "duffer" even though he was successful in the City. It was also interesting that before he arrived they were discussing his new girlfriend who was Scandinavian as if she would be some Bimbo; it was interesting when she turned out to be in her 30/40s.
They were the only people at the Supper I'd really like to socialise with, interesting people.

But then my background is dead common. Although I'd say this group weren't what I'd consider "really posh".

In my experience, really posh people don't give a shit- they don't have anything to prove.

Wannabe posh people though, are a different species! They will definitely look down on you. And most other people. Don't take it personally- just be thankful you aren't like this yourself, it must be awful!

Absoultely agree that tge genuinely rich and judgemental people don't tend to give a damn. But of course there will be some who judge but that's in all aspects of life anyway.

The sport I used to participate in would involve anyone from any social standing, from working class to royalty with some proper old fashion gypsies in the mix, and we all rubbed along very well together - particularly when whisky is passed around for the coffees. I think its more about what you have in common with people you are with than the bank account or accent.

People who are 'posh' differ just as widely from each other as people who are working class or middle class. There are people who look down on others and non-judgemental people in all walks of life. Also you can be very posh, have been to public school etc and still have to work. I suggest you judge posh people on their individual merits and behaviour OP, rather than trying to work out a posh people concensus of opinion.

[quote quickque]@Lockheart public school - Eton, Rugby etc

And don't have to work for a living [/quote]
Also some really posh people are not wealthy. Being well off and being posh are totally separate although some people are both.

Agree that there are some very grand people who are supercilious and some who are lovely, and a million shades in between, just like every other section of society.

And although I hear what you are saying toconclude and agree with it, your observation "It has always been the self made types who judge everything on money" made me smile slightly because of course most self made types have to factor in money; you have to be very grand indeed to ignore it completely! How vulgar to have to think about filthy lucre eh?

It doesn't matter if you are posh or not. Individuals can still be rude however they are financially.

That said...I used to live in a city with a really posh uni (not in UK) and most of the normal students I knew had very little respect for the rich kids. And frankly the rich kids had absolutely no respect for normal people. I worked in a shop and a group of "Bambis" came in to buy some groceries. They laughed at me and one said "I wonder if she can even read!" and then tried to smear my face with some ice cream they were eating with their fingers directly from the package. I couldn't afford to lose my job as I was paying my way thru grad school otherwise I probably would have punched at least one of them.

In the end I console myself with the thought that they were all so very unpleasant they would likely have very nasty lives and hopefully die alone and broke. (bitter and twisted, moi?)

Genuinely upper class people can be actually quite humble and generous. It's the upper middle class you have to watch out for as they seem to think they've got it made, people like headteachers, accountants and people who have degrees and big pensions.

IME there is usually a massive difference between new and old money (of course there are exceptions) new money is often as you describe, they’ve often had to focus on money and status above all else to get there and see both as their crowning glory, old money is so used to money, privilege etc it’s become somewhat irrelevant.

Public school alumni are usually more welcoming that no public private school alumni from the sample of people I know.

I have a posh friend who asks me questions on behalf of their father who "likes to know what ordinary people think " now and then.

I’d agree with the people who say the really posh don’t give a damn and will mix with anyone. But when it comes to the crunch, eg who their close friends are and they marry, it’s pretty well always other really posh people.

I don't think it is your insecurities. It's often the role of girls in that group to keep up the unwritten rules of poshness. As you didn't grow up it in, you will be doing all sorts of things that aren't quite right.

Also you have married someone that was rightfully theirs which is unforgiveable.

There will be others around who are nicer and not concerned with such rubbish, you have to hunt them out.

It has always been the self made types who judge everything on money
This a million times over!
I know some quite unpleasant ‘posh’ people who look down on others.
They all started out poor and have forgotten where they came from.