Homesick DD locked down in uni room

[RollercoasterRita]

We took our DD to university in the middle of September. She was excited and full of hope. Now due to someone in her halls of residence being tested positive for COVID, her whole floor has been locked down in their tiny rooms with food parcels being delivered to outside their doors. Totally understand the precautions which need to be taken, but my baby girl is lonely and scared and homesick and I just want to drive up there and get her. I feel so helpless....

If she will commit to leaving for the rest of the term, and possibly even dropping out altogether for the year, then I would support her in that. She, and ideally the whole household, should continue self-isolating at home.

University dorms have become de-facto prisons now, and covid spreading rapidly in them too. It's very different to self-isolating at home.

I don't understand why they haven't been able to form a group within their hall, maybe just on each floor.

@MsStillwell

I'm not sure some people understand what quarantine is. It's not something we should be opting out of just because we fancy a weekend at our parents' house.

I agree with others encouraging resilience, calmness, creativity and lots of communication.

While I agree with this, we also need to acknowledge that only a small percentage of people actually fully comply with quarantine restrictions. It's all very well telling 18 year old students to put their big boy/girl pants on and deal with what is effectively an open prison situation but given that many grown ups, even MPs, often fail to comply with quarantine I think more needs to be done to help those struggling.

I feel for you and your DD OP, how miserable! I would not have any issue at all with two weeks not seeing anyone (I realise many would though) but being trapped in a small room, esp that isn't home, would do my head in. My first room in catered halls was literally tiny, I have seen bigger toilet cubicles, and I just would have had a complete claustrophobic panic attack. In fact I did at the time and I wasn't locked in. I hope her room is a bit better. You would think someone could at least drop the parcels by her door when they take the food.

A pp made the poin that this could drag on most of term If someone keeps testing positive....that just does not seem a workable plan. The universities are going to have to come up with something even if it is send home for remote learning and whatever impact that has on fees. People can't be expected to pay to be kept in solitary confinement for a term or more.

I would bring her home and defer the year. What a waste of money. Young people were encouraged to go to uni and then they put them on house arrest! That is so wrong. Everyone saying it’s only 2 weeks, it’s not, it could potentially be the whole year if different people keep testing positive at different times.

*Who is gonna get her pregnant when she's not even allowed out of her room? God?

Again, do they all have en-suite? You think there’s 24 hour guards patrolling corridors or doing room checks?
Bollocks is there.

Surely someone in student welfare should be thinking about parcels being delivered to students at this time

You'd think so, but apparently not. DS thinks it's not possible for him to receive any post while isolating, but i am trying to contact the university to ask about this. My niece is in self-catered halls. The supermarkets will only deliver to reception. The students are not allowed down to reception to collect it, and noone from the university will take it up to them. Student services at her uni suggested they order takeaways for the next 2 weeks instead, as takeaway companies are allowed to take food up to the student flats. So takeaway for every meal, for 2 weeks. Think how unhealthy that is, as well as unaffordable for many students. Luckily, niece has another relative close by, who has been able to take shopping to her, and leave it at the door to her flat.

There are some harsh bastards on here!

Your poor girl :( She’s only been there a few weeks, no wonder you both feel down about this. I agree with treat parcels and some dvds or setting up a Netflix account for her to use on her laptop (or whatever options are available to you both)

I hope she manages to come out the other side and isn’t too disillusioned with uni :(

@2bazookas

You're doing her no favours by treating her like a baby.

Encourage her to behave like an adult, to be calm and resilient, get on with her course work.

What a ridiculous, unempathetic thing to say. These times are uncharted for all of us, whatever our age. You must be one of those strange people who believe children instantly become full grown functioning coping adults on the day they change from 17 to 18 years old (that's not how it works, actually).

to those saying she couldnt go home to self isolate in the family home -
if a child is identified as a close conatct of someone who tests positive at school, they are sent home to self isolate in the family home. The rest of the family do not have to self isolate, parents continue going to work, siblings continue going to school
Why would a student - who may not even have been a close contact- not be able to follow the same rules? (assuming they wouldnt travel home using public transport - which could be an issue)

Send her parcels, surprises or anything to keep her amused. Without being unkind, resilience is a great thing to have and she needs supported through this to come out the other side strong.
We're all on such an education treadmill that's it difficult to opt out but so many students would have been better off opting out this year.
I've an a level student who is very likely to need to repeat this year.

I really feel for her. My DD is also in catered halls, in a tiny room which is very dark. I think anyone would go a bit bonkers and/or get severe depression locked up in there for any length of time even with the benefits of zoom etc.It's worse than being in prison.
I feel it's only a matter of time before someone in her bubble tests positive - as others have said though, then what happens if they get through say 12 days of quarantine and then someone else tests positive...then it all starts again. It can't go on like this. My DD's university is a 5 hour drive away it would be very difficult to take parcels/treats to her. I am so sad for them all, it's such an awful situation. And not everyone can defer - what if the entire year group did that? What then?! Not sure what I would do in your situation - would be very tempted to go and get her but then there is the risk of spreading further (including the rest of your immediate family)

Some right pricks on here.

What happened to ‘be kind’?

What happened to basic human concern?

No amount of suffering matters anymore, unless it’s Covid.

Total bollocks.

I’d go and get her, expose her to no-one else apart from me, and then get her tested.

@mosscarpet

to those saying she couldnt go home to self isolate in the family home - if a child is identified as a close conatct of someone who tests positive at school, they are sent home to self isolate in the family home. The rest of the family do not have to self isolate, parents continue going to work, siblings continue going to school Why would a student - who may not even have been a close contact- not be able to follow the same rules? (assuming they wouldnt travel home using public transport - which could be an issue)

And that's what I think is mental!! It makes no sense - along with most of the current restrictions. Social distancing yes, mask wearing yes, hand washing etc yes. But the rule of 6? No evidence. Closing pubs at 10.00? No evidence. Robust track and trace - would work if we had one. It's so fucked up.

@mosscarpet in schools it isn't only close contacts in schools that have to self isolate, sometimes the bubble is treated as having burst, so a whole year group have to self isolate which be 200+ students. So some of those students won't have had contact with the person with the positive test result.

At DS's school there are some boarders, and the whole boarding house is treated as a household, so if one boarder shows symptoms the whole boarding house has to self isolate unless the person with the symptom has a negative test result.

It is our responsibility as parents to help our children to grow up resilient, and understand that while not everything will go their way, learning how to find some positives in each situation will help them in the future.

Absolutely be there for them by phone and FaceTime, send parcels, encourage them to be positive and be positive yourself.

They can’t always be rescued, and are probably best to be left to get on with it, unless there are extremely extenuating circumstances. you won’t always be around to do it.

@OperationallySound I apologise, I have misunderstood I thought you were with your daughter.

However, let me assure you I have no 'narrative'. My concern is for the hundreds of thousands of young adults who are confined to rooms and flats for indefinite periods of time and the effect this will have on their mental health.

Once this two weeks are up there is nothing to stop them imposing another and another. If there isn't an end to this then we will have a generation of introverted, isolated adults who struggle with their mental health and I personally feel that the government needs to take that into account an iota as much as they do with Covid.

@babba2014

Go and get her!

Calm down.

This is a shit time for many people. For some it will be catastrophic, for some the making of them. Let her be. Let her find her way. They go to university to study, make friends and grow up. By all means send treats but don't make a catastrophe out of this. It is a few days and it will be fine.

Too many people think the rules don't apply to them, they need to rescue whoever, see whoever, they are a special case. Just stop it.

I had covid in March. I'm still not recovered. Don't risk more illness, upset and death.

bit pathetic this, she is not a baby, she is in a safe place and if you weren't aware, some people are dying of covid !!

@2bazookas

You're doing her no favours by treating her like a baby.

Encourage her to behave like an adult, to be calm and resilient, get on with her course work.

As others have said, a lot of adults have struggled massively with lockdown and it has a severe impact on mental health.

Even in Italy during the peak of deaths before it hit over here they said some elderly people were going out to the shops regularly just to see another person and have a small bit of human interaction, when the people working there were encouraging them not to come to the shop and telling them that they could get everything delivered they still insisted on going.

@Letsgetgoing123, @Griselda1 have you not been reading , no post or parcels are allowed when quarantining at many of these universities including the OPs daughter. To get their post they would have to leave their room.

I know she's your baby and it's hard for you but she is an adult and can and will get through 14 day of staying in her own space. I'd post a box of treats - nice sweets that she likes, maybe a book...anything she likes really. A daily phone call. She'll have netflix etc and can hopefully get on with some uni work.

Apology accepted There are of course MH issues, I understand that fully. But really, people who havent seen this illness up close, don't realise how utterly terrifying it is. When your fit and healthy DC can't lie down because it makes breathing harder, when you've sat up 'with' them (ie on the end of a phone) all night because they are scared and bloody 111 haven't rung back yet, and then in the 4th week they are up all night again with the same issue, and then they are warned by the GP to watch out for a DVT, I can promise you that you would urge every single person you cared about to keep away from anyone who might have covid. As my DC said 'its so awful having something inside me which could kill another person'.

Being kind can also be letting an adult work out a difficult time for themselves otherwise how will they ever learn? Then they will struggle and that isn't good for anyone.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I heard an interesting statistic the other day - roughly 70 covid related deaths in a certain period, I forget how long. TWICE the number of suicides in the same period. Says it all really

... I'm against locking up anyone - this toxic government is out of control, punishing everyone else for their own incompetence - but don't over-egg it

ONS statistics show that Q1 + Q2, i.e. the full period of lockdown, had fewer suicides among the under 20s compared to the same period in 2019,
65 suicides vs 100

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/datasets/deathscausedbysuicidebyquarterinengland