To expect my dc to get a part time job?

[jobblewobble]

My dc is now 16. She is showing zero interest in getting a part time job. Gets a total of £60 a month from me and her dad, so sees absolutely need.

Obviously she goes to school and she plays a sport two nights per week and one weekend day.

An opportunity has come about which I think would fit round this and she won't find a more local part time job, but she won't entertain the idea.

What would you do? Is it harsh to say "okay fine. X months more pocket money and then it's up to you?"

I didn't have a part time job in school, so feel that is hypocritical, but I also didn't have the social life, mobile phone bill, eyebrows that she has now. I'm happy to contribute and pay for things if she's making an effort too.

She did have a paper round last year, but that fell through when the shop closed.

It might not work for everyone, but what we do is give a basic level of pocket money. Everyone is also expected to do a few chores in the house just because that's what you do in a home.

Beyond that we have paid for jobs that can be picked. We work out what we're willing to pay. The kids can then choose to do them for 4 week blocks or not. It means that when one was saving for something they worked their arse off doing as many jobs as they could and my lazier one knew they had less spends than the ones that worked harder.

There is a massive shortage of part time jobs here though. The part time jobs at a tourist place that was previously a rite of passage for kids in the village have increasingly been taken up by older people (more reliable, no work hour restrictions and no disappearing to uni) just the way life has changed.

If she does sport three times a week then there's going to come a time where she'll have to choose between doing that sport and having a job. While she's still at school I'd be encouraging keeping up the sport - it's so good for kids to be active (especially atm) and sports can be such a good thing for keeping them out of mischief.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. Your DD will learn valuable skills and will, perhaps, appreciate everything you do for her a little more. I worked from 16 when in year 11. Initially 2 nights after school and all day Saturday and Sunday. I then worked 26 hours per week in a call centre (mon, tues, Wed 5 until 11 and Saturday 9-5) during college and uni. The only time it was hard was when I was in school on teaching placement full time, had all my lesson planning and normal uni work, then had the call centre job. It was full on, but really stood me in good stead to cope well and progress in my career.

I'm not hugely keen on the idea of chores being paid for separately - (age-appropriate) chores are just what you do as a member of a household. You night give them something as a reward for helping with a big job, though.

Job or no job, you're doing no favours if you dont encourage her to understand the value of money. Stop bailing her out.

All the kids that are going places in dds year have been madly applying for jobs. They study hard as well! What looks better, getting real world experience of the world of work or sitting at home on your phone? Dd works 6 hours on a Sunday, £6 an hour and good tips. She's putting it towards driving lessons to top up what we have said we will put in. If she stays in the job she can save up the summer before going to uni, and pick up shifts when she is home in the holidays. I think you should cut the allowance to £30, stop paying for any non essentials you do currently and if she wants driving lessons, point out you won't put in unless she contributes. It was even super useful for life skills to put CV together, job hunt on Facebook, learn how to sound professional on your answerphone message, attend an interview and trial shift, dress appropriately, let alone speak to customers, learn how to function in a team, pick up on what colleagues need you to do. Dd does volunteering and sport as well. Dd2 volunteers in a shop at 15, can use the till and the coffee machine, clean the place, take orders, serve customers. It's a developmental stage and a confidence builder.

I don’t want mine to work so they get an allowance. I had no choice but to get work around education due to circumstances and it meant I was up all hours revising and doing homework. I want mine to be free if those responsibilities and enjoy this time as adulthood brings lots of pressure at times. I do expect them to study hard though and make the most of their education.

I’d stop her pocket money and see if that gives her a bit of incentive. I never got pocket money but my parents encouraged me to get a job young so that I started learning about the value of money I earned, and responsibility through work. I started in a wee cafe when I was 13...was a key holder responsible for opening and closing on my working day when I turned 16. It was the best experience to start working even if it was only one day a week.

It’s a lot of questions. She definitely gets good pocket money, I hope she has to pay for things out of this and you don’t pay phone bills etc on top.

Personally I chose to get a Saturday job from aged 15 - chamber maid in small bnb, worked about 4 hours saturday and sometimes Sunday too. A morning at a weekend doesn’t really make a difference to academics and I paid for my own concert tickets etc with the money. I’m educated to phd level (3 degrees) so I think that shows a Saturday job isn’t the end of the world academically.

However, if she doesn’t want more money I don’t really see the problem with her not having a job.

Nobody expects a 16 year old to have any work experience (the fact that she does is brilliant).

Employers like an 18 (or 21) year old to have something on their CV, and those who do are more likely to be offered a job than those who don't. It doesn't matter how good her grades, or what the job is, experience in the workplace is king.

For the greater economy I agree with those saying let her not work and let somebody who has recently lost their job take the part time job she would have had. For your daughter's future career prospects, she should take a job.

Will she want to learn to drive? If you don't pay for the lessons that might be a point when she naturally wants to earn some money. £60 won't go far in lessons.

@jobblewobble OP, I think it’s a great idea for your DD to get a part time job. It doesn’t have to be a huge number of hours but it’ll give her great skills going forward 😊 even a morning or afternoon shift (maybe 4-5 hours) on the weekend day that she doesn’t play her sport? Or Avon or something that can fit in around her schedule?

I worked from the age of 14 - worked Sat & Sun all through term time and worked more over holidays etc and I still managed all A’s at school. And I worked 20 hours a week and managed a 2:1 at university. Obviously I wouldn’t recommend as many hours if she didn’t have to work that but my family weren’t in a position to give pocket money or send me to uni so that was my choice to work as much in order to save 😊

Im now 30 and have recruited for staff within a few different companies and the one thing that still shocks me is the number of people leaving school AND university with not one single bit of work experience on their CV except their school work experience week that they do in high school in Scotland (not sure if it’s the same everywhere). I have interviewed 22 year olds fresh out of university who have NO idea whatsoever about what kind of expectations there are in a work place. Even a small amount of work experience will set your DD up well 😊

Is she in year 11 or year 12?

I think the op's daughter will get a part time job eventually but isn't ready just yet. Teenagers are all different. I'd have been terrified at the very thought!

My son was never pushed to get a part time job but funnily enough he did start working before he was even fifteen, in a music shop on Saturdays. He also worked there during the holidays all the way through school and when he left for a while. However he was music mad so it suited him. It was really strange because we were out one day with him in the car and stopped by a greengrocery; there was a new music shop nearby and he saw a sign in the window, 'Part time assistant needed', and went in.

I'm sure if he had never seen that sign he wouldn't have thought of getting up on a Saturday to go to work. He was lucky I suppose and got a lot out of working there. He is a professional musician.

I can see why she’s not interested in the shop job. Not everyone’s cup of tea. What does she want to do long term? What are her interests? The starting point for voluntary work or paid work should be her interests

I had to work through school and very hard through uni. It was absolutely shit, tbh, and hugely impacted on my studies.

One of my children is at uni and has always worked in pubs and cafes in holidays, she loves working. One is at boarding school and very academic and studies, reads and writes all holidays so I'm happy she does that. One's too young to work yet.

I think year 11 is a bit too difficult get a job given the full on timetable at school. However, in sixth form most people I knew had jobs, and most of my circle went on to Oxbridge / Russell group. We just.. got on with it and wanted the money. I did most of my studying in free periods, rarely outside school, and worked afternoons Saturdays / Sundays. It did me a world of good in terms of confidence and was actually a really good talking point at university interviews.

But, this was a few years ago and I imagine given the current climate part time jobs are increasingly hard to come by, so I wouldn’t push it if she doesn’t want to.

@JunkCrumpet

This is a really tough one for me. I worked from the age of 13 and it can massively impact your academics depending on the amount you're working - and put you at a real disadvantage getting into uni. It obviously teaches you life skills but I think a lot of those come from the motivation to get a job and won't actually come about if she's forced to get one. Yes, you are being a hypocrite but often parents need to be a hypocrite to parent differently from how they were parented. Personally, I think it would be selfish for you to force her to get a job right now. Many people are unemployed and need jobs to support their families. For her to fill one of those jobs because you don't want to give her pocket money isn't really a fair option. I'd get her to do more around the house if you'd like to stimulate her work ethic.

I'd totally disagree .

Teaches time management . Money management and LOTS of life skills that better aid you to succeed at uni for many .

So many teens now can't even hold a conversation , making eye contact without twitching to be looking at a phone ... and I'm not much older than them 🤣

Personally I loved working . Money gives far more opportunities always but if she doesn't crave it and happy to live within her means that's also fine . But she has to see that it's £60 and no more !

Also I didn't need to have a job . I had 1-2 part time jobs ... at some point even 3 ... I loved working , meeting lots of interesting people and loved earning my own money .

Although maybe the pandemic doesn't help with encouraging someone to get out there?

Mine have all learnt those things without a job. I could invite anyone to my house and they'd talk to anyone. They budget with their allowance. I'm not against teens working but they've got a lifetime of shitty jobs in front of them, why start before you have to

Normally I'd think it's reasonable. I worked part time from 15 years old, fitted my school work and clubs in fine.
However I think at the moment jobs should be left for people who really need them to feed their children, pay their bills. Even a part time job can help.
If you can't afford the £60 then that's different.

She doesn't need a job at the moment. There are many, many unemployed people due to COVID right now and they need the jobs. You can support her. Let people who need jobs get those jobs.

Mine didn't have part time jobs
We wanted them to concentrate on their studies and sport

I absolutely expect my son to get a part time job once he's old enough. It's an important part of growing up and learning responsibility

He's a September baby so technically old enough in year 11 but I would want him to do his GCSEs first. During 6th form though, absolutely

If he's doing 3 x A levels and any kind of hobby or sport he might find doing anything other than the odd night in the pub quite difficult. And those odd pub shifts will be disappearing soon anyway, if they haven't already

I agree with Jane. Why push them into something that isn't needed? Is your parenting really that bad that they don't know responsibility etc?

My two step children, one worked from 16, one did not till 19. Both working like proper functioning adults now. One has a flat, one in process of hunting further afield.

Besides, there really isn't enough jobs for all these 16 plus children who must work or they will be incompetent poorly functioning adults.

@Rosebel

Normally I'd think it's reasonable. I worked part time from 15 years old, fitted my school work and clubs in fine. However I think at the moment jobs should be left for people who really need them to feed their children, pay their bills. Even a part time job can help. If you can't afford the £60 then that's different.

I agree.

For me, working in my teens definitely did NOT teach me money management. It was the exact opposite - I always had loads of money so never needed to manage it. Went to uni with loads of savings, blew it all in one term and ended up with massive overdraft that it took years to pay off.