To expect my dc to get a part time job?

[jobblewobble]

My dc is now 16. She is showing zero interest in getting a part time job. Gets a total of £60 a month from me and her dad, so sees absolutely need.

Obviously she goes to school and she plays a sport two nights per week and one weekend day.

An opportunity has come about which I think would fit round this and she won't find a more local part time job, but she won't entertain the idea.

What would you do? Is it harsh to say "okay fine. X months more pocket money and then it's up to you?"

I didn't have a part time job in school, so feel that is hypocritical, but I also didn't have the social life, mobile phone bill, eyebrows that she has now. I'm happy to contribute and pay for things if she's making an effort too.

She did have a paper round last year, but that fell through when the shop closed.

Whilst I was at school and college, I did not get a job of any kind. I was academic and fitting in homework, revision for exams etc. took up all my time. I had no social life either, so it wasn't that my priorities were in the wrong order.

However, three summers in a row I did work experience in three difference firms in the industry I wanted to work in. When I left college, I started a full-time role the week after I officially finished college (in case I got called back in for anything), and the work experience enabled me to go straight in as a Trainee in the department I ultimately want to continue my career in.

I don't think some people realise just how hard you have to study if you want to do well in your exams nowadays (I'm only 22, so not that long ago for me!). I am still sitting exams alongside working full time, and it is hard. I live with my DP, so all bills are paid by us,.not the bank of mum and dad.

Having said that, I have just remembered that every Friday I used to clean an elderly lady's bungalow for two hours. She sadly passed away in the summer before I started college, but I would have continued cleaning for her, I'm sure.

BUT it was 2 hours a week. Nothing massive to take time out of my studies.

My DM made a summer job compulsory (or rather if I had one I got my allowance as well, otherwise no money in the summer). Would this be a compromise? (I had school on Saturday mornings which made a PT job difficult in term time). It was a good balance IMHO and meant I had plenty of experience I could use when applying for jobs.

I had a part time job from the age of 15 and haven’t been unemployed since...I worked hard at school, had lots of hobbies and saw my friends and still got top grades, went to uni and now work in a sought after profession...in all of the job interviews I applied for after uni they commented on the fact that I had managed to achieve and work at the same time. She will get much more out of working even just a little bit than helping around the house. It’s not just about a work ethic but how to do deal with other people from all walks of life...it also teaches them that you do actually have to work hard in life to get where you want. The world won’t bend around her when she’s older unfortunately.

I agree with PPs who say that school is the priority at that age. I had PT jobs from age 12 and really didn't ever do my homework. Got terrible GCSEs in relation to what I should have achieved. And there are so few jobs around right now. Let them go to people who need to earn a living not teens.

Chores round home & at other relatives homes ongoing
First paid job at 15
First part time job at 16 evenings, weekends & holidays

Employment is not just about the money, it's the soft skills like time keeping, meeting people of all ages, responsibility etc

I think you shouldn't force her but dont give her any more money.
When her friends all have jobs and more money than her shell catch on pretty quick.

I had PT jobs from age 12 and really didn't ever do my homework

Did the first cause the second?

I had to have a PT job from the time I could legally. Paper round at 13, then shop work later.

I'm actually terrible with money still at mid 40's for various other reasons, but my work ethic has always been good.

I managed both the job and homework. Has homework increased that drastically? I did GSCEs and did fine, could have done better if I'd have tried harder, but it wasn't part time work that stopped me.

My 17 and 15 year olds are both looking for part time jobs at moment
They do school / college and sport which takes up one day at weekend and 1/2 evenings so this makes it hard for them to find something as well as its obviously tough out there
If i recall rightly ds college course asked that they didn't work for more than 10 hrs a week term time so they could fit in all coursework etc
But they both want to have a little job to earn some of there own money as know we can't afford all they want etc
Ds2 is in gcse years but i wouldn't have an issue if he found a little job for a few hrs a week and life skills also help

What jobs are there for 16 year olds at the moment? My DS has been looking since the start of summer, but the jobs that teens would typically do (restaurants, retail) are in short supply and being sought after by adults with experience.
Ideally he would get a part time job, but the jobs just aren't there at the moment.

@RedskyAtnight

What jobs are there for 16 year olds at the moment? My DS has been looking since the start of summer, but the jobs that teens would typically do (restaurants, retail) are in short supply and being sought after by adults with experience. Ideally he would get a part time job, but the jobs just aren't there at the moment.

She's been offered a job in our local shop

The Tesco website is loaded with vacancies! I worked in retail at school and uni and often adults were less employable as they needed school hours or were less willing to work evenings and weekends and so those who were students picked up those shifts instead.

If household finances demand it then yes, fair enough. If not, it really isn't essential. DD1 never had a job in school - she was doing 3 heavy A levels and worked hard on those. She's now in her second year at Uni and about to have her volunteer post changed to a paid post. She got the post because of her dedication and passion for the work (museum work), not because she did a minimum wage retail job when she was 16.

DD2 doesn't work either - 3 heavy A levels plus fibromyalgia is quite enough. I didn't work post 16 either and have managed to stay gainfully employed all my life.

Mind you, my two have never been into fast fashion and expensive eyebrows, they just cut their cloth based on what the household can stand.

I had to work (weekends and holidays) from 16, and my parents took money from my earnings for keep in school holidays!
I then had to keep that up through university as they contributed absolutely nothing, despite me not being eligible for full grant due to their income.
It did have an impact on my academic work. (Granted, I have an extremely strong work ethic, but I would have had that anyway as I was raised by Edwardian puritans...)

My children are very academic. They work extremely hard at school and take their studies seriously. I will not be making them get part time work whilst they are studying, for as long as I can support them financially.
That said, they don't have expensive tastes in any way! They save their (probably far-below average) pocket money, and buy things every few months. DS saved his from Christmas until August this year, because there was nothing he wanted, and DD's biggest extravagance is plants, so possibly not typical teenagers.

My ds works in retail and my dd works at a cafe. They were on 8 hour contracts which is limited use for most adults who need more. Their friends seem to have 4-8 hour contracts at other retail and restaurant outlets too. Minimum wage is age dependent so it's cheaper to hire an under 18 than an adult too

Surprised by so many people saying she should concentrate on her studies and not have a job, and comments like if she doesn't need more money why get a job.

Perhaps because working gives you a lot of beneficial experience and life skills which will very much assist not only in applications for university but for jobs beyond. It shows you are able to multi task - school work and paid work - and that you have real-life experience with real people.

Working also teaches money management. It isn't sensible to just hand kids money for next to nothing. Nor to teach them not to work harder if they don't need to i.e. they're getting £60 anyway, why do they need more. Perhaps they could use extra to save for uni or a house deposit (yes, my savings from working 16 and beyond did ultimately go towards helping me to achieve those things).

Obviously it depends on the child - some children cannot manage more than just school work and a club. However the OP hasn't (unless I have missed it) suggested that her child struggles academically. When I was at school I worked from 16 all the way through, only taking a brief break during one year of uni. I studied at a Redbrick on a professional course. I competed every weekend in my sport of choice as well as being in pretty much every club at school (drama, singing, band, various sports teams). My 4 hours supermarket job twice a week didn't hamper that. Nor did me taking on an extra job in the summer. I also worked, at one point, 3 jobs. A small part time job is nothing and could teach her valuable lessons.

I was made to work from 14 and was permanently knackered A long heavy paper round from 6am 7 days a week. God knows why dm made me do it, I was a shy intelligent girl, I didn’t need the money (£1.25/hour!) and it taught me nothing I needed to know about the world of work.

Anyway, my opinion is don’t make her work while she’s at school

So surprised at the amount of people who don't expect their kids to work. Won't it be a massive shock to the system if they suddenly get to adulthood with no experience of the real world? OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

It's a hard one - I had a Saturday job in a shop at that age but I didn't play sports on a weekend. For that reason I'd say you were unreasonable- she sounds like she has a full week as it is and she helps round the house etc already

I'd probably cut back on the extra eg eyebrows and phone top ups though and say if she wants them she'll need to work for them

Firstly OP, you say she is 16, but no mention of if she’s still at school. You say she did well in her exams, so I take it you mean the GCSEs, but what is she going now - A-levels, IB, BTEC? Is she still in formal school or at a college? What are her plans for further study or work after this?

My second question would be - what is she doing with her eyebrows that it costs so much?

I had jobs from 13. But times have changed. I am in my 40s now. I use to think I would insist my children get jobs from 16. Now I think differently.

• school, homework and activities take up time. They need down time. We all do.
• After many years in the rat race, I no longer wish to force my child into it as soon as they come of age. I dream of retiring so why would I force her at a time she doesn't need to. There is more to life. There is plenty of time once they finish education. Let her enjoy this time.
• I'd look for holiday play schemes obviously Covid depending. I did a lot of these with friends looking after children with additional needs.
• do you really want to increase her exposure at the moment?
• Not having a job at 16 will not mean she will never get a job, won't know how to work for a leaving, won't have a strong work ethic etc etc. Ignore the dramatics.

At 16 I worked 30 hours a week (weekends and after college) and did A levels. YANBU.

*living.

Sad to see MNs race to the bottom being applied to children to. 'I worked 70 hours on top of school therefore you must'. Why? Unless you have bad parenting skills your child will not hit 18 or 21 and suddenly go into shock at having to work.

Believe it or not, life is for enjoying.