To expect my dc to get a part time job?

[jobblewobble]

My dc is now 16. She is showing zero interest in getting a part time job. Gets a total of £60 a month from me and her dad, so sees absolutely need.

Obviously she goes to school and she plays a sport two nights per week and one weekend day.

An opportunity has come about which I think would fit round this and she won't find a more local part time job, but she won't entertain the idea.

What would you do? Is it harsh to say "okay fine. X months more pocket money and then it's up to you?"

I didn't have a part time job in school, so feel that is hypocritical, but I also didn't have the social life, mobile phone bill, eyebrows that she has now. I'm happy to contribute and pay for things if she's making an effort too.

She did have a paper round last year, but that fell through when the shop closed.

To all the posters who are surprised at parents wanting DC to focus on their studies - I agree that the world of work teaches them vital skills, but so does applying themselves academically. My DC worked very hard at school. One of them has SEN and for him to achieve as much as he did, he needed to study hard at weekends. They also socialised a lot. To me this was vital as DH is very reclusive and it has held him back, not just socially but in the workplace. I wanted them to learn how to be at ease socially.

They are now both off at very good unis. I honestly don't think their career paths will rise or fall on whether they worked in a pizzeria for a few nights a week when they were sixteen.

My parents gave me no pocket money. I had to earn every penny from age 12. It didn't give me a healthy work ethic. It gave me colossally low self esteem. I wondered why I had to slave away at low paid jobs most evenings and all weekend, missing out n social activities while my friends had parents who bought their clothes for them, encouraged their studies, allowed them plenty of downtime. I always worked hard, but I got so used to - and good at - unskilled labour, that even after uni I fell into doing it for ten years because it was what felt natural. I'd rather my DC felt at ease in a more academic high achieving environment.

I know it's not one or the other, and I know loads of pupils who have a brilliant, healthy balance between the two, but that's why I never pushed them into work during school years.

I had a Saturday job, everyone I knew did. Surely it teaches you about money and spending.

I’m not convinced she should get a part time job. If she’s in full time school, extracurricular activities and homework she’s already working more than full time hours.

She should however be helping around the house.

Am I mean expecting my dd to sort her eyebrows herself with some tweezers?

All my kids had a pt job from the age of 16 whilst doing their A levels which they did very well at.

All 3 wanted to do it. It has so set them up ahead of their peers later on. From getting the PT job whilst at Uni to getting the best internships. It raised their confidence and maturity and made them much better candidates at interview. It showed they were dedicated and hard working.

Ds had a 12 hour contract with a major retailer from 16. Still did 4 A levels and captained a football team. He transferred when he went to uni....worked Xmas and summer holidays.
5 years on he is now in his "proper" job...with a shed load of savings towards a mortgage.

I worked part time in retail from the week after I turned 16.

GCSEs were ok, A levels even better.

Decent degree from a Russell Group uni.

Agree with PPS who say

1. responsibility
2. maturity
3. work ethic clearly demonstrated
4. essential for time management skills

It's a no brainer from me.

I did used to fall asleep on my desk and have to be chivvied into bed sometimes and I didn't have lots of sports clubs, but I think it worked out the best for me.

I think YABU. She’s got decades of working life ahead of her; now is the time for her to relax and enjoy her relaxing time without stressing about real life.

She’s not stupid; she knows she can get more money if she does get a job, but it’s not always about money. She probably sees the value in down time and sees how little she truly has left before she heads off into the real world.

I think the perfect time for a job is in in the summer between school and university and then, if you are good, you keep up the relationship with your employer so you can work during university holidays too. Priior to that I think it's good to be able to focus on your studies and sport. There's a lot more pressure on GCSE and A level students nowadays. In the meantime, teach and model good budgeting skills.

Does she know her Dad intends to stop his bit of her pocket money after Christmas? [How do you feel about that given you give her twice as much plus eyebrows, clothes, phone etc?].

I would t randomly make a teenager go and find a job, but, being offered a job in your local shop sounds ideal (even if she does fewer hours than she's been offered) & her attitude would piss me off & for that alone I'd be telling her that if she's 'too special' to work for the things she wants I'm not keen to keep paying for everything for her either.

My DD didn't get a part time job until after GCSEs...however she had free weekends but had dance classes 4 times a week.
Your DD only has 1 free weekend day so that would leave her no time for H/W, revision etc. if she worked on this free weekend day.
However, my DD couldn't wait to get p/t job and she got no pocket money either!

I think I'm going to suggest we leave things as they are right now. The job she has been offered is too many hours and they can't budge on that.

But I won't be topping up the pocket money. She'll need to manage her pocket money and Christmas/birthday money better. Or find a job if she wishes.

Then in the lead up to summer I'll encourage her to find some summer work, as £40 a month won't stretch across those 6/7 weeks.

Thanks all.

Yabu to insist.

Is interesting the different approaches to this. When I was 16 I wanted to get a part time job as we were broke. Parents were horrified by the idea and forbade it because they wanted all of my energy to go on study (apart from leisure obvs). So I studied, got straight ‘A’s and top uni / job etc which I don’t think I would have done if I’d been working but who knows.

Ps I think summer work is a good idea tho.

She’s got decades of working life ahead of her; now is the time for her to relax and enjoy her relaxing time without stressing about real life
This shows the lack of insight in the future.
Work is much less stressful at that age and even enjoyable for many.

The likelihood of them being in a better role at 25 than their mates who never worked until finishing uni and gave more cash in the bank with the potential of putting a deposit down for a house much quicker is high. This will likely lead to a more enjoyable life in their late 20s and 30s and beyond.

It's those who opt for not making the most of the present to take it easy and relax who find themselves in a better position down the line. Of course, when they get there, the former will consider they gave just been lucky.

I'm amazed all these people saying they're teenaged DC have "no time" to work. I had a p/t job from 13, both weekend days and two weeknights in GCSE years, and got all A*s and As. You just do the work!

I assume she's in year 11? I wouldn't expect her to get a job until next summer when schools finished. If she did get a job I would only want her to work weekends (ie a Saturday job) not on school nights. Years ago it was really easy for youngsters to find a Saturday job but seems harder now. My partner was working from age 13! Can't imagine my son doing the same in 4 years time!

I started a job as I was finishing school! They were asking me to work evenings though during my GCSEs which wasn't ideal.

Most teenagers tend to want to find a job between finishing their GCSEs and starting sixth form or college for extra pennies.

Where I live there would be very few jobs for her age right now - casual jobs tend to be seasonal!

At 14 I started babysitting in the evenings and this continued until I left home. I used to take my books with me and spend the evening studying whilst the little ones were in bed. This then didn't impact on my studies and it was quite well paid. But it did impact on my social life sometimes because of course people wanted babysitting mainly on the weekends. But I needed the money so that was that. I still remember going to most of the events and got good grades. Some friends had jobs in cafes/restaurants or shelf stacking on a weekend. You just have to make it work

YANBU
Looking at the children of friends, the ones that worked through school are the ones that came out of university and straight into well paid jobs with a career path - including the youngest this year (with a First, also worked part time through university)
The ones that 'didn't have time to work' variously dropped out of university, were unemployed for long periods peppered with minimum wage retail/coffee shop type roles.
I think working part time gives young people much more sense of responsibility and time management, plus makes them more attractive to employers post full time education.

I had various part time jobs through school, left home at sixteen and supported myself through sixth year - and later worked full time in senior roles whilst gaining a professional qualification and MSc.

She could work during school holidays, I worked at McDonald's during uni holidays so it is (or was then anyway) possible to have a job but not work every week

Do people really think that having a few hours a week at 16 means they will have a better life in their 30s?

I guess from all the arguments above about the benefits and what will happen if she doesn't work , that all the posters who post on MN about having no money, etc etc just didn't have a part time job at 16.

@IceniWarrior generally I wouldn’t say having a job at 16 gives you a better start in life because you tend to get given the crappy jobs. However it’s a starting point and you will learn work ethic and the value of money.

It gives you a better chance. My youngest is a very extroverted person. He avoided any situation that involved dealing directly with people. He had low self-esteem and confidence, had it in his mind that people were basically unpleasant by nature.

He took on a supermarket job that he thought involved shelves stacking. He was wrong and put on the till on his first day. He was horrified by the realised it wasn't so bad.

Over the next months, he totally changed. His confidence was so much better and he turned into a teenager who enjoyed a conversation.

He is still naturally shy and will prefer to avoid crowds and people he doesn't know well, but the prospect of doing so doesn't phase him any longer.

This allowed him to apply for apprenticeships and do very well at interviews. He actually talked about how he developed from a self conscious boy to a smiley and engaging adult.

If he hasn't had that job, it would want more years of thinking he was worthless and this would have reflected at his interview. What was considered normal at 16 would have been deemed a concern at 25.

I worked from the age of 15. By the time I went to uni I had built up a good CV of customer service skills, so was able to walk into a part time job paying well above minimum wage to support myself when I went to university. That in turn meant that by the time I was in final year of uni I was able to find roles that were relevant to my chosen career path, so upon graduation my CV had loads of relevant skills. I was offered a place on the first graduate programme I applied for, and still work at the same company today. So I agree that working alongside studying is really important, these days degrees aren't enough for a job and graduates who stand out are those who have built up their CV on the side.

Pocket money is an allowance paid by parents, not an earned income. Indeed, if a child does jobs such as cleaning the car or mowing the lawn it's fair enough to pay them for that.

Op, it's up to your daughter whether or not she gets a job while still in education; if she can manage on her £50 a month pocket money, good for her. I presume it goes up a bit each year.

I imagine in a year or so she will want to work for some extra money but let it be her choice.