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Original poster

To expect my dc to get a part time job?

148 replies

jobblewobble · 02/10/2020 09:38

My dc is now 16. She is showing zero interest in getting a part time job. Gets a total of £60 a month from me and her dad, so sees absolutely need.

Obviously she goes to school and she plays a sport two nights per week and one weekend day.

An opportunity has come about which I think would fit round this and she won't find a more local part time job, but she won't entertain the idea.

What would you do? Is it harsh to say "okay fine. X months more pocket money and then it's up to you?"

I didn't have a part time job in school, so feel that is hypocritical, but I also didn't have the social life, mobile phone bill, eyebrows that she has now. I'm happy to contribute and pay for things if she's making an effort too.

She did have a paper round last year, but that fell through when the shop closed.

OP posts:
Rewis · 02/10/2020 10:11

I don't think teenagers who are still in school needs to get a job. If they want one then they can get one but I don't think it's something that parent should really push for.

(This is assuming that the money situation in the family is ok)

Porcupineinwaiting · 02/10/2020 10:12

Does the £60 a month cover everything, including clothing? I think (if you can afford it) giving £60 a month is reasonable - and then if she wants anything else - money for clothes, make up, socialising- she can earn it.

rattusrattus20 · 02/10/2020 10:16

It all depends really on how long she's planning to stay in education for.

If she's planning to do A levels, and will need to get good grades for whatever happens next, then two nights + one weekend day doing sport is already a fair-sized time comitment.

Generally speaking I think for sixth form kids who don't have any time consuming hobbies, one [weekend] day a week PT work is a good thing, more than that is not.

NewYorkNewYorkNewYork · 02/10/2020 10:25

Can you afford to keep giving her the pocket money?

I give my child £100 a month and then they have a little part time job they use to top up to anything they want

I will stop "pocket money" when they go to uni and contribute in other ways

LadyLoungeALot · 02/10/2020 10:27

IF there are job opportunities, then YANBU.
A lot of places are struggling now, though. Are you sure there are jobs available?
I have been working since age 16, I didn't think my 16 hours a week affected my studies at all.

Original poster
jobblewobble · 02/10/2020 10:39

Thanks for these replies. Mixed responses.
Thinking more about this particular job, I don't think it would work - too many hours. But I do think she needs some work experience at this stage. Volunteering is a great idea, but I know she wouldn't do it, and there's not many opportunities where we are. I've looked for myself in the past.

I should clarify, I give her 40 and ex gives her 20. I pay for the eyebrows and the mobile on top of that. She has expensive taste and wants money. She just doesn't want to earn it. I often top her up if she's run out, and I can afford all this, but I feel I'm doing her a disservice by not encouraging some responsibility, either financially, or in terms of work experience. On the other hand, she probably buys about 60-70% of her own clothes now using birthday/Christmas/exam money, etc. so I guess that is her taking responsibility. It's just when she's blown it on clothes, I feel obliged to top up for socialising. I would still giver her pocket money even if she was earning. It's more the fact she just won't consider it, because she expects it from us. She found out her older cousin was working FT and paying dig money and she was stunned at the concept.

But she is a brilliant kid, she really is. It's just me and her in the house and she does whatever chores I ask her, albeit not many. She keeps on top of homework mostly, and did well in exams, but she doesn't study to the extent some of you are saying your DC's do! And my friends have all done well with their studies and careers despite having part time jobs while studying. Better than me, in fact.

Anyway, thank you. I'll have a chat with her and see where we get to.

OP posts:
LaLaLoopsieLoo · 02/10/2020 10:40

Our daughter had a part time job from 15 - her choice, we continued to pay her phone and give her money, it was a bit of extra pocket money for her. It helped us that if she had an event to go to or wanted something new the cost wasn’t all on us. I agree it’s good for them to work if they want to but 16 is such a crucial age to feel pressure to work coupled with studies.

Nottherealslimshady · 02/10/2020 10:43

I dont think children in school should be pressured to get a job. If they choose to to have more disposable income then that's their business.
It's her grades that will be affected if she cant juggle it all. If her dads happy to give her spending money then what does it matter to you?

AriettyHomily · 02/10/2020 10:43

When I was in school pretty much everyone worked in Sainsbury's or the Waitrose. it was seen as cool for some reason. Round here now the lifeguarding jobs are really coveted.

Nottherealslimshady · 02/10/2020 10:45

Was typing when you updated, could have sworn I read her dad gives her 60. Anyhow, if you dknt want to give her 40 quid a week then dont, it's a lot of money, think I got a tenner at that age, 9 years ago. She can then choose to spend less money or get a job. But you cant make the decision for her to get a job.

renallychallenged · 02/10/2020 10:49

I think the only change you need to make is to stop topping up when she runs out of money.
Then she'll have to learn to budget, which is a key life skill.

It's fine to give her pocket money, she sounds like a good kid with a full life of extra curricular stuff going on.

It's not fine to continuously bail her out and not teacher how to manage her money (regardless of its source)

Original poster
jobblewobble · 02/10/2020 10:50

I don't give her £40 a week. And I'm not going to force her.

And her dad is already saying he's stopping his money after Xmas. We have discussed it.

OP posts:
Angelina82 · 02/10/2020 10:54

Why are you paying for her eyebrows as well as giving her a decent amount of pocket money AND topping up her money when she runs out to boot? That seems crazy to me considering you are worrying about instilling a work ethic. Hmm

Original poster
jobblewobble · 02/10/2020 10:58

Well, now that I'm considering all these things, that's the point of my thread Hmm

OP posts:
NotMyFinestMoment · 02/10/2020 10:59

Where do you expect her to fit in her homework and downtime if she is at school 5 days a week, busy with sports two nights during the week and half of her weekend? I think you are being unreasonable.

fairynick · 02/10/2020 11:02

I think leave her to it. £60/month and no more will soon not be enough. Age 16/17 is when most kids start going out drinking. She’ll soon want a part time job when she realises how much it costs.

Angelina82 · 02/10/2020 11:03

Well, now that I'm considering all these things, that's the point of my thread hmm

But you never stated that you paid for her eyebrows and topped her up for her social life in your original post. No wonder she doesn’t want to work!

Witchend · 02/10/2020 11:03

Good luck with finding one.
My dd (16yo) has one, but that's because she started at 14yo. Most of her friends who have tried have not managed to find anywhere that will even consider her.
A friend's almost 18yo who is really experienced has only just got a job after 3 months trying, going into places, dropping CVs off etc.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/10/2020 11:04

I worked too through high school because my parents couldn’t give me pocket money, I found it very hard going through exams and didn’t do as well as I could have. If had to choose I’d rather my kids could focus on their academics but that depends on their timetable and what else they have going on.

Shakespearsister · 02/10/2020 11:04

My older two have part time jobs in Retail although for how long in the current climate I don't know. And my 14 yr old works at the local stables at the weekend. I've never put any pressure on them or sort to teach them the value of money. , it's just they want their own money to blow on comedy eye brows, waxing and fast fashion clothes that can only possibly be worn once.

Flittingaboutagain · 02/10/2020 11:08

I worked Saturdays from age 15 and still achieved my academic potential as did my friends who worked so I would want mine to work too. However in Covid there are other considerations and I wouldn't prioritise a job in the current circumstances actually. I would rather the time be spent on private tutoring and trying to catch up virtually with friends. My step children were not being encouraged to work prior to the pandemic and I can see how they have no idea about the value of money so it would have been a good opportunity for them.

Ragwort · 02/10/2020 11:11

Why are you paying for eyebrows? Give her a set sum and she has to learn to budget.

My DS has always found part time jobs since he was 13, starting with a paper round. He has a strong work ethic and has saved up a decent amount of money which helps now he is at Uni. He has also found part time work at Uni (even now). Future employers will expect to see some form of work ethic and work experience, it's about so much more than the money - learning to be be part of a team etc etc.. When he couldn't find a job at the beginning of lockdown he went round knocking on doors and washing cars. He then found a job in a factory working very long hours but made £1k in a month. He still has time for a social life and to play sport at a reasonable level.

What are your DD's future plans, if she hopes to go to Uni it might be an idea for her to start working & saving now (see the thread about the cost of DC at Uni).

IJustWantSomeBees · 02/10/2020 11:12

I think it's sad when parents coerce their kids into working when they don't need to. She is in fulltime education and participates in extracurricular; she will spend the majority of her life working, why force her into it now?

I also disagree with the idea that an 18 year old will have a difficult time getting service work if they haven't been working from 16, experience will give you a leg up sure but when it comes to service work most people in my many years of service got the job if they could get there as an emergency to fill in for someone.

IJustWantSomeBees · 02/10/2020 11:15

Also, children cannot be forced to be responsible by their parents, surely people must see that this is an oxymoron? You can only be a responsible person if you take responsibility for yourself (obviously)

If I were you I would stop giving her pocket money, I never got pocket money and just saved my money up from birthdays and Christmas if I wanted to buy something frivolous. This will teach her to hold herself accountable when it comes to spending without forcing her into a position that could impact her studies and her ability to enjoy her childhood

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/10/2020 11:16

She is sort of a product of her own situation here. A situation you and your ex have facilitated.

She has no incentive to earn.

If she wants her brows done (is this a thing for 16yos to do!?) Then she pays it herself. And stop the top ups!!

I'd expect her to work at least 4 hours somewhere every weekend, and then I'd offer to match her wage (up to a cap).

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