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AIBU?

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Original poster

Left to eat dinner on my own

226 replies

llamalana · 01/10/2020 22:28

DH’s birthday Wednesday. Not a BIG birthday. He took the day off. Currently WFH and 3 children on school holidays currently (not in the UK) so he thought it would be a good chance to do some of the activities I usually get to do with them in school hols as I am a SAHM.

In the morning I got up with the children leaving him to sleep in as long as I could. Helped make a special breakfast whilst the kids laid the table and put all the presents and cards out. Children are 11, 8 and 5 years old so presents purchased and organised mostly by me. After breakfast, leisurely opening of presents and quality time with children. DH took a phone call from his Dad who is in the UK. We are doing some home renovating at the moment so once they were all organised to go and do an activity that had been organised, I got on with painting and let him have the quality time he was after. In the afternoon big board game with the two eldest and DH. I took youngest out for a bike ride to give them some peace to get on. Got back, jumped straight into cake baking.

Then after that eldest daughter suggested we eat in town at a big new mall that has opened that has lots of different food outlets serving delicious restaurant quality food: Greek, Italian, Hawaiian, Sushi, Chinese, Vietnamese etc. I saved us a table as they are sometimes hard to come by for a family and the others organised their food and came back and then I went and ordered mine. I waited for a long time and in the interim a new mall attendant came and advised mall would be starting to close in 15 min. I went to check on my food. Told by shop keeper there that it was almost ready and not to worry as the attendant was new and we wouldn’t be chased away.

Got back to our table and my family had finished eating and packed up. (My food was not suitable for a takeaway type thing). Then DH stood up and said did I mind if they all went off and got icecreams from another part of the mall? I was shocked. I had only just sat down and not started eating and it seems was to be eating on my own despite it being a celebratory birthday dinner. So with bad grace I said, off you go then – I was pretty shocked. Ate my food by myself feeling very lonely and slightly embarrassed. Then once I finished, they all arrived back with icecreams and had not got anything for me. So I sat for about 5 minutes watching them all talking about how nice their icecreams were, swapping cones to taste test eachothers and talking about the fancy cones etc. In the end I was so fed up, I asked for the keys and went to wait in the car.

My DH has said I made it all about me and poisoned the night and his birthday. He has gone on to say the cake was an afterthought and a joke. (My two eldest decorated the cake so agreed it was a bit sloppy but cute.)

AIBU to expect that if you go out for a celebratory meal together, you eat together including waiting for the last person to finish eating before you ditch? And AIBU to have hoped that DH might have thought of me and got me an icecream?

OP posts:
TacosTuesday · 02/10/2020 08:03

Y are being a bit U. But so was your husband over the cake comment. It all sounds like it could have been avoided if - they'd got your food too/you'd asked for an ice cream to be brought back. Eating at these places is a bit tricky to time everyone sitting and eating at the same time, if we're eating at separate places we'd be eating as we came back with our food. Not together and that wouldn't be a big deal. It sounds like they would need to get ice cream as the place was closing? So would have been good time to say 'bring me one please!'. It all sounded like a really lovely day - we've all had strops but yes if I was your DH I'd be annoyed about it. Say what you want rather than get moody when it's too late.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2020 08:03

Do you and your dh like each other op? You may well do of course, but from the snap shot of one day which you've detailed, you spent the whole day avoiding each other (when it doesn't sound like you wfh so could have done everything all together), then he didn't ask you for an ice cream which was unkind, and then was rude about your cake.

bumblingbovine49 · 02/10/2020 08:04

I agree with a lot of what has been said about it being a bit thoughtless of your DH but not a massive deal but I also notice he told you the cake you made was a joke. If he was laughing kindly at a clumsily decorated cake that is just about ok but if he's actually said ' it is a joke", that is pretty unpleasant of him. Putting all the things he did together, I'd say YANBU

mumof2exhausted · 02/10/2020 08:05

You definitely overreacted. It’s just food at a mall, it’s not like you were at a nice restaurant and they left you. Also it was your husbands birthday so surely the main thing is he had a nice time? Also you could have asked them to grab you an ice cream if you wanted one.

KatherineJaneway · 02/10/2020 08:09

You need to find and use your words OP. Going off to the car in huff / sulk brought everyone down. A puzzled expression and 'Oi, where's mine' with a laugh when they got back to the table would have got the message across and given you an answer e.g. you'd only just started eating your main.

AriesTheRam · 02/10/2020 08:13

Why leave it til nearly closing time to go and get food? You all must have known you'd be pushing for time

LionessRoar · 02/10/2020 08:21

I’m really baffled by the posters saying OP went to great efforts to make her husband’s birthday special! She made him breakfast, waited till last minute to bake a cake and then took him to a crappy food mall for dinner. Personally I would rather have eaten at home. She then had the nerve to throw a major strop. We don’t make a huge fuss over birthdays but would definitely make more of an effort. I can’t help wonder if OP even likes her husband. Plus the post is so over the top, painting herself as some sort of martyr who always makes a big fuss over birthdays... it doesn’t add up to me as everything for her DHs birthday seemed like an after thought. Can’t help thinking if a man had posted he took his wife to a food court and only baked a cake last min with little effort, and THEN stormed off to the car in a temper that he would have his arse handed to him on a plate 🤷‍♀️ He would be told to apologise for his behaviour and to take his wife out for a proper meal to make up for things

wildraisins · 02/10/2020 08:25

I think it was rude, they should have sat with you whilst you ate. If the ice cream place was about the shut then DH could have gone and got ice creams for everyone (including you!) whilst the kids were still at the table.

It's also just a case of teaching the kids good manners. You should stay at the table until everyone's finished, it's polite.

FallonsTeaRoom · 02/10/2020 08:37

A birthday dinner in a food hall? Like you would have if you were out shopping for the day is hardly a celebration meal.

A birthday meal out is where you book a table and you all sit together and order together. Food and drink is brought to you and there's no need for any of you to save the table!

Somehow I don't blame your DH for being arsy with you.

EerilyDeleted · 02/10/2020 08:38

DH should have offered to bring you an ice cream, shouldn't have criticised the cake.

The meal part, YABU, that's just the way it works in that sort of place, it's not the same as a normal restaurant or home. It would seem weird three people who had completely finished having to sit and wait for the last one. I love eating alone, kindle app on my phone, sorted.

Houseplantmad · 02/10/2020 08:38

They may have been a bit rude but flouncing off to the car is very childish. You do sound a bit martyrish.

Florencex · 02/10/2020 08:38

@Apple222

I think you have put so much effort in to making this birthday nice

I must be reading a different thread! She made breakfast, then ignored him for most of the day, then they went to a shopping mall for dinner where she threw a strop because her food took the longest and they dared to have ice cream. I would put effort at zero or thereabouts.

I am not particularly fond of eating in shopping malls anyway, and I certainly wouldn’t be considering it a treat to be saved up for birthdays.

IntermittentParps · 02/10/2020 08:47

I feel like when you eat at that sort of place you dig in when yours comes.

Sure. But would it have killed them to then stay at the table while the OP ate, and offer to get her an ice cream after?

The DH was a tit to say the cake his kids helped make was ‘an afterthought and a joke’.

I’m enjoying the snobbery from some posters about eating in food courts Grin

LionessRoar · 02/10/2020 08:48

Glad to see I’m not the only one to think OP put in pretty much zero efforts. Shopping mall food courts are hideous, even ‘nice’ ones... somewhere to grab food on the run, certainly not a treat. Added to that, the OPs Whole attitude and I feel really sorry for the husband. She has not shown any care or consideration towards him on his birthday... it feels cold and perfunctory rather than the actions of someone towards a loved one

BooFuckingHoo2 · 02/10/2020 08:50

I’m really baffled by the posters saying OP went to great efforts to make her husband’s birthday special! She made him breakfast, waited till last minute to bake a cake and then took him to a crappy food mall for dinner. Personally I would rather have eaten at home. She then had the nerve to throw a major strop. We don’t make a huge fuss over birthdays but would definitely make more of an effort. I can’t help wonder if OP even likes her husband. Plus the post is so over the top, painting herself as some sort of martyr who always makes a big fuss over birthdays... it doesn’t add up to me as everything for her DHs birthday seemed like an after thought. Can’t help thinking if a man had posted he took his wife to a food court and only baked a cake last min with little effort, and THEN stormed off to the car in a temper that he would have his arse handed to him on a plate

This! What did you expect OP? The whole family to sit there missing out on getting ice cream because the shop was shutting just to watch you eat your dinner in a food hall? If it was a proper restaurant then I could understand but it was a casual food hall! Feeling “lonely and embarrassed” is way over the top and dramatic.

Why did you have to make a sarky comment when he asked if you minded them going to get ice cream? Why didn’t you just say “sure I’ll have vanilla” and acknowledge that whilst it wouldn’t be your ideal choice to be left alone, it’s nice for your DH to get a treat he wants on his birthday.

I would be seriously unimpressed with a partner stropping off to the car, extremely immature and deeply unattractive behaviour especially when it’s over something so trivial. I’m not surprised your DH is pissed off!

LionessRoar · 02/10/2020 08:51

The comment about the cake being a joke was mean and rude but DH was correct that it was an afterthought. She only, bothered later that afternoon, probably when OP realised how bad it would make her look when she hadn’t got him one. I’ve eaten in food courts before so definitely not being snobby but it’s not somewhere to go for a birthday treat

BooFuckingHoo2 · 02/10/2020 08:51

But would it have killed them to then stay at the table while the OP ate, and offer to get her an ice cream after?

The mall was closing, should everyone have missed out on ice cream so they could sit and watch the OP eat in a food court?

Hellothere19999 · 02/10/2020 08:54

I honestly do not get posts like this on mumsnet, there are so many. Are you not in the kind of relationship or family where you can say “oh you cheeky buggers left me here on my own and now no ice cream?” Or when they went to get the ice cream, ask them to bring you one back? It’s so odd to sit and silently stew over it and then post it on the internet. I find it so bizarre lol. So yeah maybe the silent stewing has ruined his birthday tbh. It would deffo ruin a nice vibe of an evening and you brought it on yourself.

IntermittentParps · 02/10/2020 08:55

Couldn’t someone go for ice cream for all of them? They were thoughtless.

I’ve eaten in food courts before so definitely not being snobby but it’s not somewhere to go for a birthday treat

Who says? Confused Clearly the OP and her family consider this one to be worthy of a birthday.

dairyswim · 02/10/2020 08:56

Yeah, huge overreaction on your part.

Mischance · 02/10/2020 08:56

Can't say it would bother me at all. Can't see what the fuss is about. Be glad that DH and children had a good time.

MarthasGinYard · 02/10/2020 08:57

To be honest turning up to an almost closing food court, in a shopping centre I'd see as a just quickly eat needs must type thing.

I don't think I'd have been to bothered. If I was still waiting for my food and they'd eaten, I would be happy for DH and kids to go and get ice creams etc. I'd not really expect them to wait around.

At least you made a cake, even if it was a bit last minute.

AltoCation · 02/10/2020 08:57

What would you have done for dinner had Dd not suggested the mall?

MarthasGinYard · 02/10/2020 08:59

'My kids would have cried their eyes out if mummy didn’t get an icecream too or jumped up and down saying dad that’s mean to leave me alone. That’s a bit of a cold family you have there OP'

Oh my word

I only saw this as a quote

Was it actually a post Shock

Crikey

YayoKireZukusi · 02/10/2020 09:00

sounds like a really poor choice of place to eat if you are wanting a celebratory meal together, because eating separately is intrinsic to how these kinds of places are structured. There is always someone off queueing or waiting for their food. Not denying that it was a bit crap of them to leave you alone but if sharing a meal together is something you value, go to the kind of restaurant that does table service and brings everyone's food out at the same time. I have only ever been to that kind of "outlet" eatery when part of a large enough group that there will always be a decent number of people seated while some are away from the table getting their food, and in that context it works as you get to talk to different members of the group according to who is at the same meal stage as you. I would never go there for a meal with just my immediate family.