Someone asked DH on a date

[Kaylia76]

DH does private tutoring. He has tutored this one child for a few years now and he used to always spend a bit too long at their house chatting. It always annoyed me as it meant he was home late for things we had planned. With corona it became online and so I had somewhat forgotten about it.

DH has now started tutoring in person again and called me after leaving the woman’s house to say he thinks she asked him on a date. I was confused and asked what he meant, apparently she said they should share a bottle of wine and talk about their lives. He took this to mean as more than platonic.

DH is young - far younger than this woman - and whilst I don’t think anything has ever happened it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I know that the woman knows about me and he has mentioned me in messages (“need to check with my wife’s schedule for childcare”) and when the lessons were online we shared a study so I always heard the conversation.

AIBU to be really uncomfortable now? There’s about a month left of tutoring before the child sits her exam. The tutoring went fine whilst it was online so I have asked that he makes an excuse to continue the next 2-3 sessions on there (Covid is an easy excuse).

He thinks I’m totally in the wrong. So who is BU?

He told you she came into him, but thinks you're in the wrong for asking him to go bank to online tutoring her daughter?

I think he might be enjoying making you jealous.

He'd soon be told! Fuckwit.

Onto. Not into. Bloody phone

Yanbu to be pissed off. However it's not the kids fault their mum is a bit over familiar. If it's only a couple of months I'd suck it up but tell him no chit chat at all.

He is being unreasonable. As he has the option to teach online, by going back he is basically going back into the home of someone who’s invited him on a date.

Sounds like she is up for an affair with him and is trying to work out if he’s interested. He needs to send a clear “No way” signal, which is most easily done by just doing the tutoring online.

He is in the wrong, it makes you uncomfortable and rightly so, so he should put your feelings first and do the lesson online

Tell him to accept the date, get a babysitter, go with him. When you arrive at her house either both gush about how lovely it is of her to offer you some grown-up time to talk about all your lives, or pretend you thought she was coming onto you both as a couple and talk about how refreshing it is to see someone not ashamed about being a swinger.
Seriously tho, she’s a cf and your Dh is b.u.

It would be really unprofessional for him to continue visits.
He’s incredibly stupid if he carries on face to face.

If he isn’t interested in her why are you worried? I get that it’s rude of her, but it’s unlikely that anything is going to happen. He’s not without agency...

Do what MrsWooster said

Oh yes please please follow @MrsWooster's suggestion

Don't see your DH has done anything wrong at all here OP and in fact he's been open about it all - I also don't think he's making you jealous either as a PP suggested - he wants to finish the course face-to-face as that's his job OP, he's being professional - Covid excuses or not - the only person who has stepped out of line here is the mother of your DH's client. Let it go, I would.

Surely even apart from the fact he should respect your feelings, he is potentially putting himself into a compromising and unprofessional position?

Can't believe how many PPs are turning on the DH here - give him a break!! He shared something with his wife, like couples do, just because it happens to be something controversial, he should keep it to himself should he?? That's outrageous.
Why can't you trust your DHs? All he did was tell you, his life partner, what just happened and queried it with you. Let him deal with it by himself and be clear that you're upset about her request for his personal time.

I don't know why you think he should go back to working online OP?

He told you straight away he thought she was coming onto him. Even to the point where he phoned you, rather than mentioning it when he got home.

Just let him do his job. This sort of thing happens and as adults, we just learn to deal with it.

He said that he is just going to continue as he was. I have noticed slightly odd things for the past two years he’s tutored the child such as when she became single, he always told me I was wrong. Also he doesn’t need to spend an extra 20-30 minutes at someone’s house after like he does with her. So if I could trust that he would leave on time and not chit chat then I’d let him carry on. But I’ve confronted him about it before because once it means he was late picking me up in the snow despite him having the car because he fancied a chat - he didn’t stop after that argument so I know this won’t change a thing.

He also didn’t tell her no. He seems to have laughed and just carried on talking.

If I had to take a bet, it would be that your DH got completely the wrong end of the stick!

Your DH has been totally straight with you.

Only you know if you can trust him. but it sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with this woman. How he handles it is up to him.

Wait
So it’s not about DH being asked on date

It’s that these two may be having an affair?!

Meh maybe she just thought they got on well and wanted to be friends. Either way if DH is trustworthy I don't think I'd care.

There's no way he would be sneaking in a quick shag for 20 minutes with a kid in the house.

Drip feed alert OP.
Trust him or nag him for the next few months. Your decision.

If you don't trust him, don't be with him.

Staying late and reneging on his obligations is a different matter.

Nooo I don’t think they’re having an affair! I do think he enjoys the attention though and is too friendly.

What does too friendly mean though? Do you think there's an emotional affair? Do you think he's leading on her for the thrill of it? Do you think he's leading her on for the ego boost?

@VenusTiger nobody is turning on the husband. There is a need for professionalism and the right thing to do in a situation like this is to go online with the tutoring. He has done it online with the same child successfully in the recent past, so there is no problem with that.
His job is to tutor a child. Any over familiarity with an unhinged parent would only cause unnecessary distractions and awkwardness which should be avoided/minimized as much as is possible!