To ask what does your current partner not know about you?

[PunkyPirate]

I am ready for all the 'there are no secrets in our relationship' but surly there must be something your other half doesn't know?

For example, mine doesn't know that I had an affair when I was married to my ex husband with a man who is quite well known in football.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I was 21 at the time, in an abusive relationship and flattered that this older man complimented me and showed an interest in me. It was the first and last time I was unfaithful and definitely not something I can see myself doing now I am older and a little wiser and in a healthy and happy relationship.

@Rosebel
@Cheeeeislifenow

I am so sorry to hear that you both went through those awful traumas and sorry your husband reacted that way too

Meant to say previous not precious

He doesn't know I have half a mind to dump him at some point in the future because he seems so stuck in his ways, lacks spontaneity, and is without ambition. He doesn't know I want to move back to my home town, with or without him. He doesn't know how close I got to a married male colleague and the reason why I moved work locations (to get away from said colleague). I am a shit wife, and he does my head in.

Weve been together less than a year. He doesnt know I'm deeply in love with him. Cant say it out loud to him .. the fear of hearing the wrong response from him ..keeps me in check. I'm awaiting to hear it from him. I'll give him a while longer and if it doesn't come... I'll walk away

@Uptheshard perhaps he's also waiting for you to say it first?

That I'm sad. That I'm lonely. That I feel trapped. That I'm not strong enough to walk away.

That I'm sorting out finances and planning to.leave in 2022. Money is tied up until then plus I'm waiting until both my DC are at secondary school.
I'm also writing a diary which will make my reasons for leaving very clear. I keep my diary well hidden.

That I wasn't sexually assaulted as a child by two people, but by four people. He was so utterly vile and unsupportive to me, that I couldn't ever think about telling him the truth.

I only actually told him about one person that did it, a family member told him about the other. Which he then had the fucking nerve to ask "why hadn't I been honest", hmm perhaps because you blamed me for the first lot of child abuse I told you about? Asked my why my 13 year old self had allowed myself to be groomed.

Just maybe that's why.

I understand @Cheeeeislifenow, it was the worst thing I ever did telling my "DH", the shame he's made me feel is a lifelong pain that will never leave me.

I'm sorry for you

That he was my first and only lover. He is older than me and I didn’t want him to think I was immature so I made up a couple of previous boyfriends.

Also, he knows that I’m now in a position to save money for this first time ever really, but he has no idea how much I’m putting away personally.

Ha loads.

Mostly around how much (of my own) money I spend on jewellery and my hobby (sailing)

About the affair I had with his boss years before I met him

That I cheated on my abusive ex and that gave me the confidence to leave

That I prefer the company of my dog to any of the humans

..

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments... It means a lot.
Handhold for all those going through so much on their own. X

Exh and my dp don't know that after DS1 was born I had post-natal OCD that manifested in horrific intrusive thoughts. I never told anyone as i thought my baby would be taken from me. It lasted about a year, so ended 11 years ago, but the distress the intrusive thoughts caused me is still very raw if I think about it now. I wouldn't ever be able bring myself to tell anyone.

To everyone saying their partners dont know they had abortions in the past, I would recommend sharing this information if you plan to have children with your partner. At your scan the sonograoher will ask you to confirm number of precious pregnancies in front of your partner if they are there. And it's on all your pregnancy notes

Completely possible to omit this. I did. Told my midwife during a one to one appointment later on but I really needn't bother. Had my second child in another country and completely left out the abortion part. Unless there was serious complications or something, they have no medical reason to know. Just mentioning in case someone reads this and tells their partner when they don't want to. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

@Ron1984 and @FlamingJuly

Yes unfortunately I'm 40 and have battled it most of my life. People would think I'm
So weird but I enjoy the sensation and it's so addictive.

Strategies to cope include if I'm feeling the temptation I put my glasses on - I have to remove them to pull and that makes me more conscious of what I'm doing. I also find wearing eye makeup helps, but others find that triggering so it's down to the person. The main thing now is that I try to think about how I feel after I pull. I do it in almost a trance and then afterwards when I realise what I've done I feel terrible, I can only call it shame or disappointment in myself, but I think it's more complex than that.

It's certainly not a debilitating compulsive disorder but I hate that I do it.

That I'm bi.

Him - he lived with another woman before me, his last gf who he nearly committed suicide over after she broke it off. He never tells me her name and I don't push it.

@Dillo10 not true. You tell them what you want them to know

Good on you RantandDec.

@RustyTiles @ShetoShe

I'm 11 weeks pregnant now, midwife asked me over the phone about previous pregnancies but at no point did she ask me if I wanted this information shared with partner or not.

I had a private scan at 10 weeks, my partner was sat next to me and the sonograoher literally asked me to confirm the number of precious pregnancies and number of miscarriages, then number of children... If my DH didn't already know he could have done the maths right there.

I'm sure if you ask the midwife/whoever not to share they will respect your wishes. Not disagreeing with that.

But if you didn't know it would even be mentioned at a scan like that, you could easily be blindsided I think.

I'm so sorry @Cheeeeislifenow and @itsagogo I hope you can be free of these men over day and find the happiness you deserve

My stupid phone and "precious" pregnancies!!!

@Dillo10 they asked me I lied and I told them at a later appointment, absolutely fine the midwife said they were used to it. It never came up again (I don't even think she wrote it on my notes).

To pp Dont feel you have to tell anyone you dont want to.

@BiBabbles I think it's lovely that you've kept your word to your husband, I suspect you're right that he has some recollection, but that he just doesn't want to talk about it.

I've had a lot of sexual partners. I think I'm his 2nd. We've just never discussed it.