To ask what does your current partner not know about you?

[PunkyPirate]

I am ready for all the 'there are no secrets in our relationship' but surly there must be something your other half doesn't know?

For example, mine doesn't know that I had an affair when I was married to my ex husband with a man who is quite well known in football.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I was 21 at the time, in an abusive relationship and flattered that this older man complimented me and showed an interest in me. It was the first and last time I was unfaithful and definitely not something I can see myself doing now I am older and a little wiser and in a healthy and happy relationship.

@FrenchtoEnglish

Not my husband, but an on-off boyfriend. If he mansplains one more thing to me, that's it. He has explained what a lighthouse is to me in the past. He told me it was a building you see on the coast which helps ships to navigate at night. He felt I needed that explaining to me. A fucking lighthouse.

Jesus I hope the sex is AMAZING

He doesn’t know how many men I slept with before him (a lot) and about a number of bad sexual experiences I had. But I don’t see that as information he needs.

He knows bits and pieces but he doesn’t know how bad my childhood was - my dad’s affairs, domestic violence, etc. Again, I don’t see it as information he needs.

Mine doesn't know how many sexual partners either nor does he care.
I don't know his either it is the past.
My ex was obsessed with the past it was a rule I brought to my new relationship I'm not going to list past experiences for his reassurance.

That I had an abortion as a teen (an age before I met him). Not something I'd admit to.

That I had a course of therapy two years ago to try and get to the bottom of my imposter syndrome and self destructive habits. (It did help unlock things massively. )

I'm not sure why I didn't tell him. I think it felt really self indulgent though towards the end I didn't think so because it helped so much. I did mention to the therapist in one of the last sessions that I thought I should tell him and she said "there is no should - you can tell him or not depending on what you want to do" and I didn't.

Also like other pps he rarely knows how much money I've got in the bank. We have separate personal finances (joint for household and kids) because I am very frugal by nature. He is profligate.

He seems to think that if I've got the money to pay for something (and I usually have) then he doesn't need to contribute (he usually hasn't). I do earn more than him so I'd only expect a proportionate contribution with me paying the lion's share but it annoys me that he thinks he gets to pay nothing for OUR house renovations, new boiler etc. It's like he enjoys spending all his disposable income and then can enjoy spending mine. Aaarrgghhh!! That's better.

He says could of / should of / would of.

It bugs the hell out of me, and has done for 17 years. But I just can’t bring myself to say anything as I think he would feel a bit criticised

AnxiousMum is there any chance you could have some more therapy now and work through your feelings. It's terrible what happened to you. Although it may feel like your shame, it's actually his shame and he's a disgusting piece of shit. But those arse-bags are good at shifting the blame onto their victims.

Same happened to me, my sisters nasty then-boyfriend. He was in his forties, I was 14/15. We all ended up sharing a bed, in hindsight his decision, and he touched my breasts. I thought he must be asleep and dreaming. Until he started roaming below, I moved his hand and he looked down and smirked in my face.

Lots of therapy later (not just about that thank goodness) I realise what a wank-toad he was and it wasn't my fault at all. HE should have known better and I was too young, unconfident and inexperienced to call him out on it. Which is obviously why he picked on me! Yuk.

@BiBabbles that is a huge thing for you to carry for your dh 
@Rosebel I'm so sorry. That is huge too

This is an incredibly sad thread and I had to stop reading it.

@mistermagpie and @Ron1984

I could have written the exact same post. How my DH has never noticed I don't know. Or perhaps he's noticed and decided not to ask (which is actually slightly odd I think).

Ron, I've been doing it off and on for more than 25 years. It usually coincides with suppressed anxiety (but not always) and in my case is definitely linked to my hormones, I am much much more likely to pull when I have PMT. I confess that I do enjoy the sensation a lot. Its a bit like an immense relief, and it just doesn't hurt me at all. My eyes don't water etc. PM me if you want to talk more.

He doesn't know how many people I've slept with... he never asked and I never told.. it's probably way more than he thinks

That I acted for an intelligents agent in my twenties against the evil 'so called ' country of Myanmar .. actually Burma (because no one who knows anything about the country would call it Myanmar..) ..

No idea what I earn or how much I’ve got in savings
Probably has no idea how much I know about him (from one of his friends)

Off the top of my head, I can't think of anything. I'm sure there are things I don't know about dh, or that he doesn't know about me but its not intentional haha. I guess it's just things that probably don't come up in conversation often.

I can’t think of anything.

Just that I’ve had laser hair removal on my legs. Best money I’ve ever spent. He’s never noticed !

Oh and that I’ve just bought a new coat. 🤣

That I was raped

That I have Botox

Oh and I take clothes out of the washing basket, febreze or lenor crease release them and hang them back up. He wears things for like an hour

My only long term relationship was my ex, 30 years together untiI I left in secret. I never ever told him I was bi, because I know that he would have tried to coerce me into a threesome, a recurring fantasy of his. He was sexually abusive and raped me twice, although he would never believe it was rape.

It actually feels good to type that out, I've never told anyone in RL, and struggled to find the words on here before.

DH knows I had an abusive childhood but I've never told him just how abusive it was.

That ever since I hit my forties, Nature decided to gift me with what would be a goatee if I didn’t shave every morning. Not really sure what to do about that but think I have managed to conceal the stubble from husband so far!

I’m ashamed to admit my lovely dh of 19 years doesn’t know I’m bisexual. I can’t possibly tell him now but as I’ve got older I feel more uncomfortable that he doesn’t know as I’ve come to really embraced it as part of my identity

To everyone saying their partners dont know they had abortions in the past, I would recommend sharing this information if you plan to have children with your partner.

At your scan the sonograoher will ask you to confirm number of precious pregnancies in front of your partner if they are there. And it's on all your pregnancy notes.

My friend advised me this a few years back and I think it's good to know!

This thread makes me wonder how many secrets DP is keeping from me too.
There’s a lot he doesn’t know. Like how many people I’ve slept with. Or what my job is, he thinks I’m a high flyer not stuck in a crappy dead end NMW job etc