To ask what does your current partner not know about you?

[PunkyPirate]

I am ready for all the 'there are no secrets in our relationship' but surly there must be something your other half doesn't know?

For example, mine doesn't know that I had an affair when I was married to my ex husband with a man who is quite well known in football.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I was 21 at the time, in an abusive relationship and flattered that this older man complimented me and showed an interest in me. It was the first and last time I was unfaithful and definitely not something I can see myself doing now I am older and a little wiser and in a healthy and happy relationship.

Mine doesn't know that I went through a period in my life when I was very unhappy thinking that if I slept with men it would fill an empty space (I mean a mental one hahaha).

Problem is, he knows two of the people I had sex with. I was an absolute mess back then. He knows how many people I've had sex with in my life, just not exactly who.

I mean, it's not like it'd matter if he found out as we didn't even know each other .. but maybe it's the kind of thing I should have dropped into conversation? Idk.

I was sixteen when a friend of my brothers tried to rape me on Christmas Eve. Usually I can not think about but every Christmas Eve it comes back to me and I have to shut myself away for a cry.
I have never told anyone in RL and I think it might change the way he feels about me.

He knows nothing about me, nothing real anyway. I trusted him once to tell him about being taken advantage of at age 14 by a much older "boyfriend", late 20's. He asked did I go to to the police and never asked me anything about bargain ever, he also has not touched it looked at me since. (Couple of years) I will never ever be foolish enough to share something with him again. He let me down, I should have expected it. He left me feeling more ashamed and damaged then I did when I was 14.

My dh has no idea how many men I have slept with... Def no need to know that! And he has never asked...

I suffer from trichotillomania which involves pulling out my eyelashes. I'm quite on top of it now for the most part but we've been together for ten years and he still doesn't know (that I know of). He's not a very observant man though!!

I've never told anyone about it actually.

Loads of stuff. I'm pretty self contained. I often forget to tell him the obvious. I'm not a chatter and not very emotional.

I found out he was cheating because I snooped. I saw a text from one of my best friends flashing up on his phone, and looked. Somehow I swallowed back my initial urge to go postal with him, her and to tell her husband. My hot rage has faded and I am going to quietly tell him I know, and then I'll go.
It's really weird and fucked up, but I feel that the fact that I have this knowledge and he doesn't know that I know, gives me tremendous power. I have quietly grieved our relationship and he doesn't even know it.

this made me feel very sad, I wish you strength and the best of wishes to see this through. 🌺

This whole thread is sad. So many secrets. I was going to say I dyed his best shirt pink and chucked it out, or broke his favourite mug. But doesn’t seem appropriate now.

That I have Botox.
That I'm going to divorce him.

I'm usually completely upfront with my past. I had a ONS with someone before I was with DP he knew him and asked early in our relationship did I ever have sex with X my automatic response was no.
I was single ATT. I don't think DP would even remember the question unless the truth came out.
It was 16 years ago.

We met aged 18 and have been together for 11 years now so I don’t think that there’s anything significant I can think of on my side. Hope he’d say the same!

@RantAndDec
You are amazingly strong. I wish you all the luck and courage in the world.

We don't share finances, it suited me when I earned more so I can't really insist now I don't work 😂 and he knows I'm a spender so he'd not be keen on sharing 😂 so he doesn't realise I have credit card debts (lockdown has actually helped get it down and it's now down onto one card) or how much I spend

There is probably loads my current DP doesn't know, we've only been together 2 years and don't live together, but the only thing he doesn't know because I've specifically not told him (as opposed to it not having come up, not being relevant to life now etc) is the amount of savings I have.

With my late-DH pretty much the only thing he didn't know (other than the things that just hadn't come up) was that I reversed into his car on the drive. He was in the last stages of life and was never going to drive it again, and I didn't do any damage to it (did a tiny bit to my own), and it didn't matter - but I felt incredibly guilty about not telling him and still feel bad about it.

Ex-H and I met at 18, and there probably wasn't anything significant we didn't know about each other for most of our relationship.

That I don't love him, that I'm counting down the days until I can leave whilst living a lie. There's nothing inherently wrong but I just don't love him

DH thinks I mildly dislike his daughter. He will never know what I really think of her.

It wasn't DS that are his Easter egg 2 years ago - it was me

I was on my period, couldn't be bothered to go to the shop and ate it while DS napped. I was going to tell him I swear, but DH noticed a smudge of chocolate that had melted on the sofa and assumed it was the toddler. I happily let him think that

@RantAndDec
Sad, but well done you.
Knowledge is power
Was in a similar relationship myself.
It’s horrible, but once the emotional attachment is severed...you can have a bit of fun with that

My dh of 15 years knows little of my past before we met just that my first marriage broke down when ex cheated on me. I would hate him to know how miserable I felt in first marriage.

The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't know how many men I slept with. We got together when I was 20 and he 24 and I don't even know for definite myself, but I believe it's around 30. I used to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday and would be rare for me not to go home with someone. Looking back I definitely had deeper issues back then. It made me feel like shit the next day but it didn't stop me. I got my act together when I found out I was pregnant and didn't know who the father was. I had a termination and don't regret it at all (DP knows that part about a termination). A few month later I met him and been happy ever since. Although I met him on a night out, he strangely wasn't a one night stand like it would usually be.

How I really feel about his mother. It’s the main reason why I read mumsnet, all the MIL stories make me feel less alone

That the abortion I had in the past - that we both agreed was for the best - absolutley haunts me. I spend my days with a running commentary of what could have been aka "baby would be X years old now".

@RantAndDec will you tell the ex best friend too? What a cow and laughable excuse for a friend she is (haven't yet read the whole thread in case someone else has said this). for you xx

@Rosebel and @Cheeeeislifenow - I'm so sorry.

I was going to say to @Rosebel that she should trust her dp and tell him, that surely it wouldn't affect how he feels about you, but then I read @cheee's post.

Have either of you sought counselling?

He thinks I've been recovered from my eating disorder for longer than I have. He will never know how bad it was nor that pregnancy was a massive struggle for me and I succumbed to some past behaviours a handful of times during that and also once or twice in the first few months. I fee deeply ashamed of that.