to expect shift working dp to help out even a little with kids/housework as a sahm?

[micci25]

my typical day get up at 6:45am if not too impossibly exhausted by his constant and extremely loud snoring! any tips on that would be welcome too! feed baby (4 months old bottle fed so he can help with that) go downstairs with 4yo make her breakfast grab quick coffee! spend about 30 mins arguing over why she needs to eat her cereal/toast! go back up and dress and bath baby! make brekkie for dp and take tea upto to him if he is not on earlies! make dps packed lunch!

clean house then start lunch spend an hour arguing over why dd1 should eat her lunch and yes she does like cucumber! take dd1 to nursery class! clean house again! wash up lunch things!

pick dd1 up go to dancing class! come home make dd1 dinner! argue over why she should eat dinner! wash up after dinner! make dinner for me and dp! eat dinner in a rush coz baby needs feeding! put dd1 and dd2 to bed! wash up! clean up dd1's toys! spend the rest of the night ironing!

his typical day get up just before work (sometimes he doesnt start till 1pm) upset dd1 by turning off cbeebies to watch sky sports news go to work come home eat dinner sit in of tv moan about ironing cleaning at this time of night or go to pub coz house is too messy to sit in! come home go to bed!

things are pretty much the same at weekends! apart from its a minor miracle if he makes it out off bed before lunch!

is it too much to ask to expect just a little help coz i stay at home and can sleep whenever i like? i would love to know where he thinks i have the time to do this!

BTW he hasnt even bathed or helped bath our 4 m o baby yet! rarely changes a nappy has never been to a dance class ever!

if im not being unreasonable then how can i point all this out without causing a massive row? we are not getting on to well at the mo for obvious reasons!

lol i get what you mean about the cleaning the only reason it needs doing everydayis coz dd1 and dp arent too good at puttng things back after them and i can never catch up on the days that i have my friends little girl/cant do anything due to extreme tiredness from dp's snoring! lol

the argiung with dd1 over food is because she wont eat anything if i just left her too it! she see's a sepcialist every 6 months for being underweight! its the food thing that takes most of my time actually! once you have brekkie done its time for lunch!

thanks all for listening just having a bad day today didnt get much sleep and am sick of constant round of ironing and washing up!

plus met a really nice mum on way to nursery today who invited me over for a cuppa one day but i dont have time the way things are right now! and i need new friends here my old ones moved away when i did but they didnt come back when i did! poor me!

think i will just try talking to him again (calmly this time) and leave him a little list of tasks to do each day

OMG, the tohught of being married to a man whose life revolved around TV, Playstation and sleep would have me reaching for an axe.

Why do yuo put up with these tossers folk??

having similar dilemma here too!
When babes were little,he was in Saudi.
When he came home...every 6/8 months,he helped me no end...novelty?!?
Now,he's based just down the road but still works away a fair amount.
We have 3 kids who,as they get older,have their own opinions (eg.whether they can be bothered getting up for school/not etc.)!
and hubbie gets "hotel time" (which he absolutely hates by the way...!to just go stay away/go out on the piss whenever he wants "cos the bosses expect it"!!!He gets morning break;lunchtime;afternoon break "that's all"!!! So how come my "working day" as a SAHM, starts approx.6am until about 1am next morning with snatched breaks inbetween?
If/When I get myself a full-time f'ing job,he's gonna wonder what's hit him!!!

he would find his bags on the doorstep if he was my dh!

I've only read the OP, but by golly wow. Hhe needs to get up of his ae and start helping. Why do you need to make his tea etc?? I amke dp a cuppa in the morning, whilst I make DC's breakfast, but he is off out to work minutes later. I have also on occasions made him a lunch to take to work with him, but whilst I was doing the DC's.

My exdp however would shout me from the kitchen during dinner to pass him the showergel whilst he was in the bath. See the bit where I said ex???

Is there anyway you could need to stay away from home for a day or two, so he would have to do it all himself. Remember you could be so good at it that he is used to it.

DP got up the other morning to find he didnt have a shirt ironed for work, and it caused a little tiff, but when he came home he apologised, and said he shouldnt have expected it to be there, but I have always done it, so he got used to it. Now he will check he has a shirt when the kids are put to bed, and if there isn't one ready I will sort one out. But I will not get up and run around at 7:30am looking for a bloody shirt for him, if it isnt there now, it is his fault.

i have thought about 'going out to the shops' and not coming back for the weekend. lol but not sure he could cope with baby alone and he and dd1 arent getting on to well at the moment they keep arguing over tv i have to keep explaining to him that he gave up his right to daytime tv when he took on dd1 as his and moved in with us! its either cbeebies playing dollies with her or going to the park!

might just give up and try it though that way he realise just how hard it is being alone with kids all day and trying to keep up with mess dance classes food issues etc. might just do it for a day or something and go shopping with a friend or have her cut my hair!

ill have to tell them that if the house is a mess when i do come back i will be going straight back out again and not coming back till monday! lol

I'm sure he'd get bored of worrying about cbeebies, and be desperate for the help it provides if you werent there.
Have you got a friend that could need your 'help'?? He may be less sympathetic if he thinks you're just off to get your hair done. Or take DD out somewhere for the day that the baby couldn't go, is she old enough for the cinema maybe??? Do it when an important
game is on TV or something, to get her out of his hair Then he'll see how hard the baby is, let alone DD as well.

I hope you work it out, being unappreciated can be the worst feeling in the world, I cry to DP about it every few months or so, and he's not even that bad, just takes a few things for granted some times.