School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

[emmapemma91]

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

@Singinghollybob

If its a 20 min walk from your daughter's school back to your house and the taxi can arrive from 8:15, could you jog back so you'd be there on time? Or carry a fold up bike with you when you take your daughter, and then cycle back home?

Just leave other SEN child alone at home?

@emmapemma91

Thank you all for your suggestions, I did expect some not very good ones too (learn to drive 😂), I will talk to the school to work our the best solution.

Also, I’m already planning to appeal for her EHCP if declined, which I suspect it will be.

Why is "learn to drive" not a long term option though, you have 2 children would it not be easier to learn at some point!

Could you drop DD at a childminder at 7.30am who would take her to school for 8am? Then you would be home for the taxi.

Or, is there a kindly neighbour who would childmind your son and ensure he gets his taxi? You could pay for just an hour of her time, hopefully not a deal breaker. If it was just within a few streets, it would not disrupt the taxis route.

If school think DD needs to have time to settle then I think you should try and accommodate it if you can. Very tricky situation for all of you, poor you.

Definitely worth calling the council to explain - maybe they could shuffle the pickups so that DS is collected earlier eg 8am, then you could get DD to school at 8.20 to 8.30.

@Bingbongbinglybong my child would not settle with anyone but me. She will not settle with family without me. She would become very distressed with a stranger.

Learning to drive is expensive and time consuming and with two SEN children, I imagine there isn't much of either spare.

@Mostlylurkingiam learning to drive is on my to do list, that itself is not a bad idea, I just don’t feel it’s a solution to this problem.

I didn’t have current paperwork for my daughter either, but was awaiting referral to a number of specialists for assessment (still am courtesy of Covid). You’ve got referrals in to relevant specialists, they’ll often make an award knowing how long the referral and assessment process takes on the basis of your description and the agencies she’s been referred to.

I’d be asking now for a copy of the school’s assessment that a part time timetable is appropriate provision, and if they won’t give you that request it from the SENCO, then the local authority. It’s ridiculous you need to wade through it all but squeaky wheels and all that.

What about roller skates?
Hiring a chauffeur?
Sending a letter up the chimney to see if Mary Poppins is available?

Just a few more helpful suggestions

Oh another one, for any newcomers to the thread....maybe skim read the thread.

To the people still posting “learn to drive” as an option can I suggest you learn to read because the thread has very much moved on and it’s pretty clear why that isn’t going to change anything!

If school think DD needs to have time to settle then I think you should try and accommodate it if you can. Very tricky situation for all of you, poor you.

You do understand they want her child in school for her to sit under her desk with no engagement or learning for 3 hours? I’d no be making giving an inch in accommodation of such harmful, ridiculous requests.

Learning to drive is a good option in the long term if you are able to drive and if you can afford it - it cost me roughly £1000 in lessons - but its not going to help you here and now, I wish people would RTFT instead of suggesting it over and over as if lessons are free, everyone is capable of driving, and cars grow on trees.

I know this thread is about the logistics of getting your child into school OP but you mention her becoming distressed about going into school, trying to run away and you carrying her into school. The she sits under the table? May I just suggest not forcing her in if she is unhappy or distressed about it?

I am currently sat at home with my Y1 6 yo DD with ASD who is so anxious about school she won't even put her uniform on now. She struggled in Reception too and I made her go in a few times even when she was very upset, I now wish I hadn't as it's just made things worse. In another few days I will be requesting a referral to the LA for home/hospital education as she would have missed 15 days by then. The plan is for her to go in for 20 minutes later today though, will see how it goes.

I work as a 'hospital' teacher and mostly work with and teach kids with ASD who have been failed in the mainstream school system and ended up with anxiety and mental health issues and end up unable to attend school. I don't want my daughter to go down this route so will not force her but make it school's problem to find ways to accommodate her so that she goes into school happily. My DD is excellent at masking so school don't see the problem but her behaviour at home suggest very high levels of stress and anxiety.

I am sorry you are having a tough time with it OP. I found the website notfineinschool useful to understand school anxiety and refusal.

I haven’t trawled through the entire thread but I am disgusted by the shitty replies you’ve received.

Just goes to show that some people believe SEN parents should be grateful for whatever crumbs of support mainstream schools offer them.

Because for me, the solution is very simple: you can’t get her there for 8am. And why should she be required to get there so early, when there are other options?

Also, my DD won't settle with anyone but close family members either so totally understand why a childminder is not an option. I work a few hours a week and at the moment DH is trying to cover this so I can keep my job but I may have to give it up to care for DD.

Parents of NT children rarely get how limiting having an SN child can be and [coffee]

@LittleSwede ive been so tempted just to take her home, but she deserves a education (I’d be shit) and I feel that is what the LA and school want me to do so they don’t have to deal with her

I get jealous when my partner gets to go to work, it’s like a holiday 😂

You need to make sure you have a paper trail. If the TA or teacher tells you that your daughter has sat under the desk all morning refusing to come out, send in an email confirming what they said; likewise if they tell you that they had any other problems. If she's particularly upset or has a meltdown on leaving the school, email them saying it happened and asking if there was anything in school that triggered it.

If they don't respond to those emails saying the facts are wrong, they will constitute good evidence if you have to go to tribunal.

@MoonJelly I’ve applied for a SAR, as they keep coming up with excuses for not having paperwork.

One thing that has really helped on the learning front is getting a specialist tutor. My DD has 30 minutes a week online, the tutor goes through exercises which I then continue as homework. The online sessions are fun and informal but the main benefit has been me learning strategies to support her learning in a way that she can grasp. It’s an expense, yes, but it’s worth it’s weight in gold because I can help her to learn without relying on the school to fill in the gaps.

Might be worth considering just from the point of you being able to help her. At the moment we’re working through Toe by Toe which is a very structured programme teaching her to read - it’s specifically designed for children with learning difficulties and designed for parents to use with their children. Given she’s not being educated at school it might be worth looking at.

Here is the issue. School have to prove they have spent the 10k on your dd AND they still needed more funding before they will get that extra £660.

No, schools only have to provide the first £6K of support representing delegated SEN funding. The other notional £4K is the standard sum they receive for each pupil in the school, and is for all the costs of running the school, teachers' salaries, equipment, etc etc. They don't have to show they've used that £4K on SEN provision.

So if a TA costs £10,660 a year the LA will have to put £4660 into the pot, plus of course any other costs such as bought-in therapy, laptops, IT support etc.

I can see where you are coming from. Do you think they are trying to get you to de-roll her then? I didn't mean to de-register and electively home educate, I meant that the route I am going down is that I don't force my daughter into school as anxiety is a medical condition so she is therefore not fit to attend school. The LA have a legal obligation to provide an education if a child is unwell for more than 15 days and if school can't meet her needs they need to assist in finding alternatives. Unfortunately there are few alternatives in our LA and many, many parents just end up with children out of school for very long periods of time. I am hoping that DD's school will come up with some solution as she'll just be at home otherwise.

[quote emmapemma91]@LaLaLandIsNoFun the thing is she only started this school this September so it’s been a matter of weeks. She was on a part time timetable by day 2, they knew about her difficulties and still accepted her. I find it hard to believe they want to off roll her after 3 weeks![/quote]
They wouldn't have had any choice but to accept her as she doesn't have an EHCP. So I fear they might want to circumvent that via the back door.

@Legoandloldolls I think it’s pointless replying to most of the silly replies on here as some are so ridiculous I have to laugh! it’s no wonder SEN children and parents have such a rough time getting the support they need. I can’t tell you how many teachers and TAs over the years thought like some of the people responding to this which is worryingly sad. I can’t get my head around some of these replies. The schools and LA have to make it work around the child end of, nothing to do with what the parents should be doing to make it easier for the school or accommodating them. If the school can’t meet her needs or are struggling with her then they have to tell the Local Authority so she can get the support, but never ever should it be or has it been that the child and parent has to work around the school, especially like in this case it’s out of school hours! Blooming cheek.

@emmapemma91

Things may have changed Since my sons day but usually the reports ( rarely the LA ones, but the one you get or your solicitor instructs if it get to that point) will state xxx needs to be in xxx environment, needs xxx, and they will either state that the current school doesn’t have the provision or capacity to do xxx or if it doesn’t state the current school doesn’t have what is recommended then you need to highlight that in the report from say the EP states DS needs to be in say a class of 12 or less ( for example) and the current school only have classes of 30. It’s all about gathering evidence for what needs to be in her plan.

[quote emmapemma91]@MoonJelly I’ve applied for a SAR, as they keep coming up with excuses for not having paperwork.[/quote]
Great, but if you send your own emails recording everything that indicates that your daughter SEN, you can accumulate quite a good body of evidence yourself on top of anything coming out of the SAR.

Could you maybe request that they facilitate another area your DD to go to (e.g. quiet, calm & safe space) with an adult when she arrives at 8.45 (so not to impact your other children) & for you to take her straight there rather than going via any classroom to cause less stress for her etc. & she can spend 15/20 mins or whatever there until she is ready to go into class? I'm a SENCO here myself & find that this is generally more successful and workable long term... provided it's a known adult & can stay consistent. Stick to your guns though & don't be forced into an arrangement that doesn't work for you because it suits the school! 🌸