School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

[emmapemma91]

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

NikeDeLaSwoosh - for goodness sake. Have you actually tried holding down a job when there is no childcare and your child attends school for 2 hours a day and you have to be there for taxis and frequesnt therapy and medical appointments? Most employers have zero interest in employing you for an inconsistent 2 hours a day. Ive advertised for over a year for a PA. No interest. My friend has been advertising for 3 years for early morning support for school runs. No interest. There isnt a hidden army of childcare providers who want to deal with complex needs.

OP have you claimed disability living allowance for your children and carers allowance. Wont help with this immediate issue but might help longer term.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh

So a childs legal needs protected by the UK should be dependent on the parents lifestyle?

Please think hard about that

• child a has DS but mum.is a heroin addict. Child a needs a a 1:1 to access education. But society say she cant have 1:1 as mum needs to get clean first
• child b has cancer and needs chemo. Childs b's mummy cant drive so child b should do the right thing by society and pause chemo until mum learns to drive
• child c needs to go to SEN school but the nearest SEN is 10 miles away. The mum.has two other kids in her village. All three kids start at 9. Mum needs to clone herself clearly
• child d is a bright kid, well educated parents both working. They are in a car crash. Parents 1 is dead. Parent two looses a limb. Child is left brain damage. Parents should of considered this before having children.

-child e is doing ok at school until secondary where they are bullied. There is a school 10 miles from home that has better bullying policy. It's a expensive village and you need to be catchment where 2 beds start at 500k. Child e needs to learn martial arts or the parents need to just find a job earning a combined 100k pa to afford the mortgage.

What a lovely world. Let's hope you never a stroke or dementia.

This is why Op is protected by law and we dont live in country where she could be stoned to death. Such a shame that isnt it? Imagine if we could just stone people we deem below the bar of perfection to death.

OP - have you considered moving to North Korea?

Thank you @MillieEpple, My daughter would not settle for a childcare provider anyway, she gets distressed even if I try to leave her with family. I claim DLA and carers for my son, a don’t feel I have enough evidence for my daughter just yet.

Ignore the nasty comments. It is clearly unrealistic for you to both work and meet your children's needs with the way things are atm. I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now . But, as a taxpayer, I want you to know that I don't begrudge one penny of the support that is provided to families like yours to help make ends meet and help children with difficulties access education. I only think it should be more. It is the minimum that you are entitled to and it is hardly generous. If someone has complex health issues and needs an expensive operation on the NHS, we don't complain about the taxpayer funding this. Because everyone has a right to healthcare. Similarly, all children have the right to an education, including those with more complex requirements, even if those requirements are costly. The fault doesn't lie with you, it lies with the system for failing to support your DD adequately.

NikeDeLaSwoosh

Ah earlier I just thought you were a bit clueless about parenting a child with SN. My mistake, you are actually just an ignorant arsehole.

Well done you for trying so hard to make the OP feel like shit, what an achievement, what a magnificent contribution to society you are.

You have DC with SEN, and have chosen not to work.

Oh look, here comes @NikeDeLaSwoosh with another unpleasant and judgemental comment about raising a disabled child.

Many employers pay lip service to offering flexible working for parents and carers but when it comes down to it they don't follow through. It's a bit like how many people in this country pay lip service to how important equality and accessibility with the unspoken proviso of that importance vanishing once it causes any sort of inconvenience or feeling of injustice to non-disabled people.

It is very difficult to find childcare that can cope with a child who has complex needs and, if you do find one, it is not uncommon for it to cost more than other childcare which tends to limit your choices if the childcare is going to cost more than you earn.

Even the most understanding of employers will have a breaking point, they're trying to run a business and need reliable staff. If someone is being called to come and collect their child at short notice several times a week, or is late several times a week, or has repeated childcare providers serve immediate notice then they are not reliable.

There is a proven link between disability and restricted earning potential, this extends to those who care for disabled people including parents of disabled children. Being a carer impacts your health, your emotional well-being, your free time, your career, and your income.

Now multiply that by two as the OP has two disabled children.

Instead of making snide comments about it being s choice not to work, give your head a wobble and think about the barriers to employment faced by the OP and others in the OP's situation.

[quote emmapemma91]@NikeDeLaSwoosh .. well, I could only work between the hours of dropping my daughter off and picking her up. If she doesn’t settle at school I don’t feel she’d settle in a nursery/childminders do you I mean if you know any jobs that fit them particular hours (don’t forget travel needs to be included in them since it would be public transport!) then please drop them below! I guess the jobs market is booming at the minute! Also hope the employers would be happy with me taking random days off when she gets sent home early because she’s too distressed, or for meetings at my sons school, or his CYPS appointments, or his physio and occupational therapy.

Never mind, I have such a luxury living off my partners shit wage and Carers allowance.[/quote]
Hey why stop there? Your dd doesnt need a education to become a pole dancer FFS. Lower your expectations. BTW can you pole dance? What the hell do you do when your child is in bed?

YABU - pole dance after you put the kids to bed. Three hours a week would easily pay for a car and driving lessons. Give your head wobble! What about filming you and dh having sex for web cam cash? It's the first thing our senco suggested. We tried that first of all. Then we asked ds to stop being autistic, and do you know what? He agreed! Or can you not find a cure? There is a guy on youtube in the USA that cure ASD. Trump I think? But like I say. Try asking your dd to stop first.

Have you tried calpol?

Just in case you needed some more disablist fuckwited advice. Your welcome

Its days like this I thank God I stopped listening to this kind of BS coming directly from.my sons school and checked his legal rights.

The law trumps all. Even stupidity

@Legoandloldolls I actually think your suggestions are more helpful than some on here 😂

Living on Carers' Allowance isn't the land of milk and honey @NikeDeLaSwoosh. Would you choose to live on £67.25 a week? And its a taxable benefit too so reduces the amount of any other benefits someone might claim.

An employed carer is paid a minimum of £8.72 an hour, or £305.20 for 35hrs of work per week.

To claim Carers' Allowance you must be providing a minimum of 35hrs per week care to someone in receipt of a qualifying benefit (for a child this would be medium or high rate disability living allowance).

£67.25 over 35hrs equals just £1.92 an hour. The reality for many is that they are providing 24/7 care which equates to 40p an hour.

And let's not even mention those who are providing that care but don't qualify for Carers' Allowance.

Your welcome. You can start with a scaffold pole. I tried the washing pole on the sencos advice but the neighbours complained 😉

@Minimumstandard thank you for the kind words! I’d love to be out earning money but obviously it’s just not achievable at the minute! Who doesn’t want some extra spending money! Once things have settled down I can hopefully get back into work but for now I’m putting all my focus on supporting my children.

*In your situation, you don't have the luxury of not working 'as you're there for your DC'

You have DC with SEN, and have chosen not to work*

What a ridiculous, ignorant comment - how exactly is someone supposed to work with a child who is in school less than half the day. Caring for and parenting children with SEN is demanding, emotionally draining constant work. I work part time but have excellent school support - without that I’d be unable to sustain the focus to hold down a job. The OP has two children with significant needs, that’s more than a full time job.

OP, it sounds like you’re doing all you can here, there’s some really good advice and support, and some muppetry, take what’s useful and ignore the rest.

In terms of raising concerns, I’d go to the SEN department of your local education authority - I’m in Scotland and the system is different here so I can’t say where that sits for you. Two days isn’t enough time to make an assessment of the need for part time provision, and yes they totally could be looking to illegally off roll her if they think it’ll cost too much to support her. I can’t imagine how hard it is to leave her in a place where she’s so distressed - I imagine the temptation would be to just keep her home but my sense is they’d be happy with that and say you’ve chosen to take her out of school.

I have brought my child home from school once when she showed signs of distress, but I spoke to the HT when I removed her, and met her later that day and again with the class teacher to put a clear plan in place, which has worked well. They don’t need a diagnosis, they need a will to help your child access education. With the right support in place she may cope very well in mainstream school (my daughter would hide under her desk too - she certainly wasn’t left there all day).

The school are being negligent and acting unlawfully.

@emmapemma91. Believe me, your life would be a lot easier if you could just forget about your DC from 8am-6pm and hang out in a comfortable office or shop working with sensible, rational adults (and have a lot more money at the end of the month as well).

Well obviously the OP needs to work nights. No car might be a problem for some jobs, but she could become a car thief. She'd then be able to drive kids back and forth to school.

In all seriousness, You should apply for DLA for your daughter, you don't need DX. I put off applying for my 2, partly because I didn't want DS3 school to say I was making him worse to get money(!)

I claim DLA and carers for my son, a don’t feel I have enough evidence for my daughter just yet.

You absolutely do, just based on her school situation much less how things are at home. Put the application in, it’s not a huge amount but would make a difference. I found an excellent site that helped me think about how to evidence my daughters needs - I’ll try to find it and post it here, it was excellent for evidencing non-physical disabilities.

Ok, the website is Cerebra, you fill in a form and they’ll send you their guide, it’s truly excellent and makes the process easier.

OP My daughter spend the first two school terms of reception sitting under a table she is 18 now and still remembers it. You need to get her out! look into other local schools, try and speak to other local SEND parents for their advice on which schools are more suitable.

I moved her to a small village school, there was still 30 per class(but was mixed year group and literally only had 5 MS classrooms, for both infant and junior), but it had an SEN unit and was just a completely different environment! she went from being a frightened wreak to happy and bouncy within a school term.

She is now studying A levels, she still needs a significant amount of support and has a fulltime 1 to 1, the road is still a bumpy one (putting it mildly!) but i am very sure had i not pulled her out when i did her outcome could have been very very different.

Other people have been less blunt - I don’t be.

There are some proper twats on here (I’ll probably get a ticking off for that)

OP - you don’t deserve some of the shift you’re getting here: I’ve had similar, from fucking social workers too FFS - they had to apologise and compensate me for their disgusting abuse. Services never want to their any responsibility and continually push everything onto parents - generally do they don’t have to spend any money.

Keep documenting. And keep fighting

I'm not sure I've actually ever seen a post from Nike that was kind or compassionate...

emma - I read your previous thread when the school called you to pick her up and am sorry you're still getting the run around. I don't have the experience or insight to give you any good advice but am glad that others have been able to do so (although am obviously conscious that their advice has usually come about through grappling with the system, probably with great emotional drain and stress). But I do hope you get to a better place and if that can be done without pole dancing as you steal cars then all the better!

Second the advice to use the Cerebra guide.

If its a 20 min walk from your daughter's school back to your house and the taxi can arrive from 8:15, could you jog back so you'd be there on time? Or carry a fold up bike with you when you take your daughter, and then cycle back home?

I’d contact the head of Children’s Services (or whatever they call themselves in your LA - could be Children’s, Schools and Families, 0 - 25 Services or something like that). Then it will filter down to the right person, but the LA ought to know that this is your school’s approach to your DD’s SEN.

The definition of madness is to keep trying the same solution to a problem, that didn’t work before in the hope it will work next time!

Would it be possible for a teacher to come and spend some time with your daughter in her home for maybe an hour at the weekend or, if that's not practical, maybe before school? You would be there, she would be in her home and safe.

She could get used to her, see her as a friendly face and it could work wonders.

@Jellycatspyjamas thank you! I used cerebra for my sons DLA application, it’s fantastic. But with my sons DLA application I at least had paperwork from school and Ed Psych. For my daughter I have no paperwork as I mentioned the school won’t give me any. I’ve handed the form in for SAR but it’s a shame I have to do that to get any paper trail