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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ExH moving 200 miles away and wants me to do half the driving

114 replies

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 21:13

AIBU to say no? He wants to meet halfway EoW. I don't want to spend 8 hours driving (2 hours each way x 2) every weekend so that he can live in a random part of the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 21:14

*every other weekend

OP posts:
Parmavioletmum · 29/09/2020 21:14

Nope not unreasonable. Generally courts will say the onus of travelling is on the parent that chose to move away.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/09/2020 21:15

If you’d moved then fair enough, his move, his choice, he drives

amy85 · 29/09/2020 21:15

Fuck that.... and that drive every other weekend isn't fair on the kids either really

Kazakaren · 29/09/2020 21:15

You don't have to agree. He is the one who is moving away. He needs to make it work.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/09/2020 21:15

YANBU. Say no. What’s he going to do about it?

HEYAhhhhhhhhh · 29/09/2020 21:15

Don't do it. He moved, he can make that journey.

ivykaty44 · 29/09/2020 21:16

Explain that you’ll try it but if it’s to much travelling and takes up to much time then you won’t be able to.

Let him then sort out

What can he do if you refuse?

bethany39 · 29/09/2020 21:17

No I wouldn't be agreeing to this, and I'm pretty sure a court wouldn't either. He moves, he drives.

How old are DC?

HotPenguin · 29/09/2020 21:18

It's not going to be much of a weekend for the kids spending 8 hours in the car.

Original poster
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 21:21

The DC are 7 and 10. I did it the whole way through lockdown as a favour but now that's stopped he's accusing me of all sorts and threatening to take me to court Confused

OP posts:
Howlooseisyourgoose · 29/09/2020 21:23

You did what during lockdown?

Zofloramummy · 29/09/2020 21:25

Court usually rules that the parent who moved away is responsible for the travelling. I really hope he paid your petrol money over lockdown.

Just remember to never do him a favour again.

Pluckedpencil · 29/09/2020 21:28

Eight hours in a car every other weekend is really shit for the kids. He needs to get his wallet out and come and stay nearer to you for the weekend imo. Can he not get sorted with a regular air BnB type arrangement? How selfish.

Milkshake54 · 29/09/2020 21:29

So on your ‘child free’ weekend you have to spend 8 hours driving, but on his he gets to do as he pleases?! 🤨🤨 YANBU!

Original poster
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 21:29

@Howlooseisyourgoose I drove halfway during lockdown.

Good to know he hasn't got a leg to stand on court-wise. He's accusing me of wrecking his mental health by refusing to do this.

OP posts:
frustrationcentral · 29/09/2020 21:30

He moves, it's up to him to sort travel. That's what I've always been advised. We shared travel when DS was little as it suited us - Ex weirdly moved near my DH parents. We also did it as we wanted to try and help the relationship between DS and his Dad

Ex has now moved totally the other direction and further away and we don't do any travel.

gamerchick · 29/09/2020 21:30

Let him take you to court.

You just have to make them available for contact. Anything else is good will.

Rowan8 · 29/09/2020 21:30

If he’s made a life choice that’s on him, and for him to navigate how and when he chooses to address his responsibilities. This is not on you. Don’t give in to his rubbish you’ll be more drained than when you were probably with him. Sounds like he’s done you a favour by moving, you can probably get a little peace if you don’t give him to his now exh demands x

Itwasaquarterpast11 · 29/09/2020 21:31

Mine said the same in this exact scenario. He didnt get his way.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 29/09/2020 21:34

[quote SeasonallySnowyPeasant]@Howlooseisyourgoose I drove halfway during lockdown.

Good to know he hasn't got a leg to stand on court-wise. He's accusing me of wrecking his mental health by refusing to do this.[/quote]
Ah, has he already moved?

I wouldn't do any of the driving. And don't even do it as a favour as you may set a precedent.

Occasionally there are threads where women have been forced by court to drive dc to ex. Does he earn more?

Original poster
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 21:36

I don't know how much he earns but I doubt he earns more than I do. He's not on the breadline though AFAIK and it won't be a ridiculous difference.

OP posts:
Ithoughthiswasit · 29/09/2020 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gah2teenagers · 29/09/2020 21:38

No no no and definitely no. For how many years ?? Good grief no.

Clymene · 29/09/2020 21:41

Your children are not going to want to spend 8 hours in a car every weekend to see their dad for much longer so I can't imagine it'll be an issue for long.

What a douche