Am I too fat to adopt?

[Lampshaped]

DH and I are in the process of adopting and I've been told to lose weight after my medical assessment. I have no health conditions whatsoever - my only complaint is that I do get back/shoulder pain from my excessively large breasts (34G). I am currently training to run the London Marathon last week (which is my first marathon), I've previously run half marathons and climbed Kilimanjaro etc so I'm an active person. My medical assessment says I'm 158cm and 66kg. I'm very comfortable with my body and feel like their being incredibly controlling and projecting onto me that I'm not attractive rather than there being any actual reason behind this.
Am I being unreasonable to think I shouldn't have to lose weight in order to adopt a child?

It is to do with health. Weight puts strain on your body, and makes illness more likely, means hormones aren't balanced and so on. If you think it is heavy due to muscle or a total misjudgement on their part, have you explained that?

Now onto other important things - I am a 32F/G (thought I was a 34 pre mumsnet bra challenge) and don't get shoulder pain - have you done the mumsnet bra challenge? If not, do it, as it will make running far more comfortable and should make it easier to stand straight and not get shoulder pain!

If your weight is all on your chest I'd have thought it would be quite hard to lose without a breast reduction.

I agree it could be worth querying this. It seems not to be very sensible.

@googlepoodle, you must have seen the London marathon on TV? People of all shapes and sizes run marathons.

@googlepoodle

How are you overweight if you are running and training for marathons? You must be burning loads of calories

I'm married to a man who could eat enough to feed the whole of Belgium in one sitting so it's hard not to (almost) match him - and I guess I just like food.

@googlepoodle

How are you overweight if you are running and training for marathons? You must be burning loads of calories

Exercise isn’t an efficient way to reduce body fat.

Being slightly overweight isn’t an issue. Being morbidly obese is.

Requiring op to lose weight but not requiring the same of her husband is sexist. If she runs and climbs the weight is likely muscle too.

MagpieSong. It’s to avoid adopted children losing another parents as far as they can.

^^This.

My sister is a social worker and that's what she would say to any potential adopter who was overweight (not that I would consider you to be OP). The needs and stability of the child/children need to come first and anything that could risk that would be noted. Some of the children come from very unstable backgrounds and they are trying to provide them with the best homes going forward.

My sister is a social worker and that's what she would say to any potential adopter who was overweight

Then why hasn't it been said to OP's husband?

It's sexism, pure and simple.

I'm pretty much exactly the same size as you so I'm guessing you are wearing clothes size 12/14 - that's smaller than the average woman in the UK these days so this seems really bizarre. I can't imagine you look hugely overweight at that size at all.

Definitely double check to see if they've made a mistake somewhere, it could be as simple as a typo in the paperwork.

I am a small build, unfit and but overwright and a 32GG and don't get any pain. Don't think they are excessively large really.....large indeed but not excessively so! I suggest a better bra. Will make you look thinner also.

I think what I take issue with is that she is being asked to lose weight but the potential father isn't. So that kind of suggests that the issue isn't so much that there is the potential loss of a parent. If that really was the case, then both would be required to lose weight.

What? 66kg = 10.4 stone. There's been a mistake.

Evidently I do. I think everything hangs off my chest making me look larger than I am - but then I'd expect them to say something earlier on rather than in response to my medical.

My second thread of the day where BMI is enraging me. For a start, if your breasts are extremely large, a big chunk of that "excess" weight will be in there. It also will make you look more overweight than you are. Post breast reduction, only one person asked (a friend, not me directly) if I'd had one. everyone else just thought i'd lost weight.

I have absolutely no idea what recourse you have but this is beyond outrageous and I'd be livid. I could ALMOST understand if you were a very unhealthy weight but you're clearly not.

DH is a little short and very heavy boned. He's also extraordinarily fit with a lot of muscle and a very low fat percentage (using those fancy machines to check you out). He wears small-medium clothing. At a routine wellness check, the nurse started to comment that his BMI suggested that he needed to lose weight, then she looked at him again, looked down at her notes, and told him to ignore the BMI!!! I wish more healthcare professionals were practical like this.

Should say not overweight.

If you look overweight, which you said you do because of your chest, maybe the social worker was basing it on your appearance?

The numbers in your op (centimetres and kg) would mean nothing to me.

Also - bmi isn't the only indicator - if you have small bones and are overeating, you are putting strain on your body.

I am small boned but used to do a lot of competitive sport so I am very heavy for my size I thought it could be that with you - but if you know you are (happily) overeating, as your last post indicates, then go and see your GP and find out what sort of health risks you are taking, maybe.

Also, what is ok now in terms of risk could become disastrous as you get older - excess weight as you hit 40s becomes more serious for example. They might be concerned about that?

I would ask them to double check their figures. A friend of mine was asked to lose weight in the adoption process, but it turned out her BMI had been read wrong (they had her as 5'1 when she's 6'1!)

Highly unlikely!

@kazzer2867

MagpieSong. It’s to avoid adopted children losing another parents as far as they can.

^^This.

My sister is a social worker and that's what she would say to any potential adopter who was overweight (not that I would consider you to be OP). The needs and stability of the child/children need to come first and anything that could risk that would be noted. Some of the children come from very unstable backgrounds and they are trying to provide them with the best homes going forward.

If that was true then both parents would need to be in the ideal BMI range. In this case ops husband has a higher BMI.

Far more likely it’s a social worker on a power trip.

The adoption issue aside, if I were you I would be getting a breast reduction. They are already causing you pain and that certainly isn't going to get any better. Before long, the damage to your back could be permanent.

They are being ridiculous! I'm a cm shorter than you and was the same weight until recently. I lost it because my waistband was getting a little bit tight (also quite busty and I never lose it if I lose weight) I'm fit, I cycle and run. But I was fit at the higher weight too, just soft at the edges.
BMI is a really odd way to assess who is overweight.

@googlepoodle

How are you overweight if you are running and training for marathons? You must be burning loads of calories

laughs bitterly

How strange. The Gov will fund IVF at that weight.

Well I have just checked with friens who is a family finder and using the figures given would not flag up any concerns at all

The social worker wouldn't say anything about weight unless it was written in the medical report. It would be too easy to cause offence/be mistaken about whether someone is actually overweight. If there is a medical report saying someone is overweight, the social worker can "back up" their request to lose weight with an expert advice. Social workers aren't medical experts.