Am I too fat to adopt?

[Lampshaped]

DH and I are in the process of adopting and I've been told to lose weight after my medical assessment. I have no health conditions whatsoever - my only complaint is that I do get back/shoulder pain from my excessively large breasts (34G). I am currently training to run the London Marathon last week (which is my first marathon), I've previously run half marathons and climbed Kilimanjaro etc so I'm an active person. My medical assessment says I'm 158cm and 66kg. I'm very comfortable with my body and feel like their being incredibly controlling and projecting onto me that I'm not attractive rather than there being any actual reason behind this.
Am I being unreasonable to think I shouldn't have to lose weight in order to adopt a child?

People who are Overweight have children everyday and raising them too, I don’t know why they worry about this.

I would double check. I'm an adoptive parent, I can't see that slight overweight makes any difference. Ask social worker to double check if that is really policy (and manager if they are inexperienced).

@Savemyusername

Do you ‘look’ overweight?

Evidently I do. I think everything hangs off my chest making me look larger than I am - but then I'd expect them to say something earlier on rather than in response to my medical.

Maybe it’s a typo in the papers they’ve got or they’ve simply misread your BMI. I would query it.

I don’t believe this happened tbf.

It does sound strange but a pp (who I've seen talk about his adopted son several times on threads) was asked to lose weight too and he's just kindly confirmed his bmi was 28 so not morbidly obese. (And obviously as a rugby player normal bmi limits can't really be applied to him anyway).
So it obviously does happen.

I'd be inclined to think they've mixed up your medical report with your dh or there's been a typo saying 36 instead of 26

I would go back and check it. I think they've mis-read. In any case, people (like me!) carrying more extra weight than you will probably discuss it as part of the home study, but it wouldn't be a barrier to adoption. The reasons it's discussed are a) so you can talk about providing healthy role models for children, b) to understand how it might affect you, and children, if the children who are placed with you have issues around food (can be due to neglect) and c) that if you tend to turn to food under stress you'd need some other strategies for the early months of placement ideally as that can be a very stressful time. Wishing you all the very best

Seems a bit weird. I'd email the social worker and copy in their manager asking them to confirm that they are actually stopping the process for this reason. I might even file a complaint with the LA or agency if they confirm this is the case. It sounds a bit power trippy to me!

You won't not be able to adopt because of your weight.

I'll be very blunt at the experience of an acquaintance, but she is so overweight, she honestly looks like a circle (and I'm saying this as someone 2 stone overweight!)

She adopted twice fine.

there's been a typo saying 36 instead of 26

This.

@SideAfries

I don’t believe this happened tbf.

I can't believe it either. If it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't believe it. I have confirmed with them that there's no typo and they do mean me because they've clarified a target weight and dates to update my progress. Their reasoning is that they need to prioritise the needs of any child that may be placed with them and ensure I am able to support them appropriately. Which is fair enough, but rather vaguely linked to my weight!

PM me if you wish

@SideAfries

I don’t believe this happened tbf.

There are sometimes odd ‘demands’ I was asked to prove that I was using contraception. I’m a gay man, not sure who they thought I would be getting pregnant.

It’s to avoid adopted children losing another parents as far as they can. Obviously, it’s impossible to promise. It is common for people to be asked to lose weight or similar. It is literally to reduce the risk of health problems occurring. Tbh, I’d post this in the adoption board. It’s tricky and can feel very unfair, but these are things they should explain during the assessment process.

@SimonJT There are sometimes odd ‘demands’ I was asked to prove that I was using contraception. I’m a gay man, not sure who they thought I would be getting pregnant. I've heard that no conception is 100% effective but you'd think being a gay man is fairly certain not to result in pregnancy. Out of curiosity, what kind of proof did they want? A video?

I thought you were going to suggest you were morbidly obese. At your current weight (same height and weight as me) lifestyle is more important.... you are probably fitter than most people

Sadly, I can see why, they had enough trauma as it is. They deserve peace :(

That is completely ridiculous, OP, I'm so sorry. Of course those extra few pounds over some arbitrary cut off point don't make you unsuitable to be a parent, adoptive or otherwise. I would really be inclined to make a huge public fuss about this, but I can understand why you also might not want to rock the boat. Definitely ask to speak to someone more senior though and point out all your evidence for good physical fitness.

There are sometimes odd ‘demands’ I was asked to prove that I was using contraception. I’m a gay man, not sure who they thought I would be getting pregnant.

what did they accept as proof?

[quote Lampshaped]**@SimonJT* There are sometimes odd ‘demands’ I was asked to prove that I was using contraception. I’m a gay man, not sure who they thought I would be getting pregnant.* I've heard that no conception is 100% effective but you'd think being a gay man is fairly certain not to result in pregnancy. Out of curiosity, what kind of proof did they want? A video?[/quote]
I laughed as I thought she was joking, she was most definitely not joking! Some people in my adoption support group had to prove they had IUDs, implants etc if they stated that was their form of contraception.

@MagpieSong And yet you're allowed to be a smoker? I though you were going to say you were morbidly obese OP. This sounds insane!

Of your bra band size is 34 then you actually only measure 30 inches around your trunk. There’s no way that can be considered an unhealthy size. If your breasts are smaller you would have a lower BMI. Your actual frame is well within “normal” range.

It’s tricky and can feel very unfair, but these are things they should explain during the assessment process.

How would they explain OP being asked to lose weight but not her husband who is much further out of the 'normal' range? There's no way that's anything but sexist. It's certainly not for the child's benefit.

How are you overweight if you are running and training for marathons? You must be burning loads of calories

I’d ask for this in writing and then let your Gp know that have requested this and provide the evidence. Would also let Gp know there was no similar request to your husband. And ask that he write to them clarifying that you are as or more medically fit to raise a child than your husband and asking them to explain their requirement to the Gp.

If it’s a medical requirement let them talk to the medic......