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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for a substantial amount of money

507 replies

mabelandivy · 29/09/2020 09:05

SIL is going through a divorce, their house has just sold and she's put an offer on a new one. Problem is the divorce settlement she is getting, share of sell of house money doesn't cover the new property with a shortfall of almost £50k. DH has been asked whether we can help out and she's requesting a loan of 30k from us. DH went back and said that was too much due to our financial situation currently and the next request was £25k. AIBU to think this is a huge amount of money to be asking for? We do have savings that would help, but we've have put off doing things around the house due to cash flow and DH's company being in a difficult position currently due to Covid - he is making lots of redundancies and we're not sure if the business is going to survive. The house the offer has been made on is lovely, but is huge - 5 bedrooms when it's just SIL and DS - and there are other nice (smaller) properties on the market in the same area for considerably less. I am happy to help, but I think a 6 figure sum request is a lot of money and also a cheeky big ask. I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 29/09/2020 10:03

I would send her an email with links to suitable houses within her budget. She is being a CF and I can only imagine the issues that will arise when it comes to her paying you back.

Haffdonga · 29/09/2020 10:04

How could you look the people you're having to make redundant in the face if you can afford to hand out that much spare cash to someone on a whim?

noimkaren · 29/09/2020 10:06

Absolutely not. Very unreasonable and selfish to expect you to part with your savings to fund her lifestyle. Just the fact that she's investing all her divorce settlement money (and yours) in a property that exceeds her needs screams financial idiocy/ irresponsibility. Even in a steady economic climate this is lunacy, let alone now. If you needed that money how would you get it back? SIL obviously doesn't have the funds to pay you back. If she did, she wouldn't be asking.
Even if it was done legally and you had a charge over the property as security, you'd have to force a sale to get your money back. And think how that would play out- either SIL drip feeding money back to you or you 'making them homeless'. Short term , you're damned (by her) if you don't, but totally f'd in the long term if you do.
She needs to 'cut her cloth' , as my Granny would say.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/09/2020 10:06

You’ll never get the money back & you'd be a fool to loan it.

A bank wouldn’t loan that much in the circumstances.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 29/09/2020 10:07

Definitely say no. You don't know what the future holds and you might need that money for your own family.

LadyCatStark · 29/09/2020 10:08

You’d have to be complete idiots to lend her a penny in these circumstances!

ilovethesmellofthesea · 29/09/2020 10:08

OP i can't believe you're even contemplating it!

OneFiveFour · 29/09/2020 10:08

Lending money to family/friends is too risky. I would say don't give anything unless you are prepared for it to end up as a gift (not paid back).

And I wouldn't blame anyone for deciding they were not prepared to gift anything at all.

chatwoo · 29/09/2020 10:09

NO WAY.

Make sure your husband sticks to his guns.

MegaClutterSlut · 29/09/2020 10:11

Absolutely don't do it! Even taking out your circumstances which in itself is a good enough reason to say no she is massively taking the piss especially as its a 5 bed house. You would be stupid to give her a single penny imo

Atalune · 29/09/2020 10:11

No no no

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/09/2020 10:12

God, no - she needs to lower her sights and buy a smaller house! IMO it’s sheer CF-ery to ask for such a purpose.

IamMaz · 29/09/2020 10:13

I think you have your answer, OP!!!!!

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 29/09/2020 10:13

Absolutely fucking no way.

If she doesn't work she can't pay you back.

Probably won't be able to afford the cost of running a 5 bed house either.

And there was me a few years ago feeling bad for asking my sister for £600 to help me rent a 3 bed house for me and 3 DC Confused I would never have the balls to ask for £30k even if DSis was a fucking millionaire.

Mosasaur · 29/09/2020 10:13

I would give her precisely £0. Tell her to buy a smaller house that she can afford.

Browneyesbigbum · 29/09/2020 10:15
Grin

'She has requested'

'she doesn't work'

You could just say 'sorry our financial situation means that we are unable to loan any money to you' or 'no'.....

Hmm
diddl · 29/09/2020 10:18

Christ, a divorce settlement that leaves her just 50k short of a 5 bed house?

We'd never come anywhere near affording a 5 bed!

DustyMaiden · 29/09/2020 10:20

I’d say, you want it you pay for it. No chance.

badacorn · 29/09/2020 10:22

No way

You’ll never get the money back, and you can’t afford it anyway.

She needs to be a bit more modest with her choices.

Knittedfairies · 29/09/2020 10:23

How is she proposing to repay you if she doesn't work?

RandomMess · 29/09/2020 10:24

She doesn't need such an expensive house and you can't afford it, if she can't borrow money from the bank then neither can she.

Current economic state absolutely no way!!!

NancyBotwinBloom · 29/09/2020 10:24

She just needs to live within her means.

How will she afford a mortgage and pay you back at the same time?

Has she discussed payback amounts and frequency or just asked for the £25k with no mention of how to pay it back?

unchienandalusia · 29/09/2020 10:25

Getting the cliches out here but they are very apt

  1. Neither a borrower nor a lender be
  2. She needs to cut her cloth according to her coat

No no no no no.

Lantern156 · 29/09/2020 10:26

Absolutely don’t do it. It’s so much money and by the sounds of things you will never see it again - if she doesn’t work she is realistically never going to pay it back. You have to treat any money you lend as a gift and expect to never see it again, so only give what you know you can afford to and accept losing.

Doingitaloneandproud · 29/09/2020 10:26

Nope, not a chance I'd lend them the money, it doesn't seem like they want to live within their means at all so the probability of you getting the money back is slim.

If she doesn't like it, just say there's many other houses which are smaller, and then eventually perhaps she'll have enough to buy a bigger house herself. For now, she can live with what she can afford