Asking for a substantial amount of money

[mabelandivy]

SIL is going through a divorce, their house has just sold and she's put an offer on a new one. Problem is the divorce settlement she is getting, share of sell of house money doesn't cover the new property with a shortfall of almost £50k. DH has been asked whether we can help out and she's requesting a loan of 30k from us. DH went back and said that was too much due to our financial situation currently and the next request was £25k. AIBU to think this is a huge amount of money to be asking for? We do have savings that would help, but we've have put off doing things around the house due to cash flow and DH's company being in a difficult position currently due to Covid - he is making lots of redundancies and we're not sure if the business is going to survive. The house the offer has been made on is lovely, but is huge - 5 bedrooms when it's just SIL and DS - and there are other nice (smaller) properties on the market in the same area for considerably less. I am happy to help, but I think a 6 figure sum request is a lot of money and also a cheeky big ask. I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.

@BaublesAndGlitter

I think it's cheeky of her to ask but as you haven't told her no, she's going to keep coming back and asking for smaller amounts, hoping she finds one you'll say yes to.

Tell her you can't lend her any money. You don't have to explain your financial situation but it may help if you just say it's due to the current climate.

This.

How will she afford any living costs with no job!?

Has nobody asked her why she’s buying a 5 bedroom ss house?

Don’t say no to £25k. Just say no.

Not a chance, it’s not really a loan if she has no means to pay it back! £25,000 would be better invested in your DH’s business rather than in propping up your S’s wish to live in a big house.

She's a cheeky fucker!

I'd be brutally honest, and tell her that a) you can't see how she'll be able to repay it when she has no income and b) the amount she has to spend on a house will be more than sufficient for a property that meets her needs.

But then I've never minded pissing people off, especially CF people. You may well feel differently OP, in which case make up an excuse.

If she doesn't work, and is considering a £40k loan, how on earth is she hoping to pay the bills and maintenance costs of a 5 bed house?

You shouldn't be lending her a bean. By doing so, you are putting your own livelihoods in jeopardy. And you will doubtless be entering an awful, unending family dispute about the never-appearing repayments.

Don't do it. It would be madness.

What a piss taker.

Can't believe someone would be that cheeky. Tell her to buy a house she can afford or get a mortgage like everyone else.
I never lend money to anyone. Very rarely happens but If any of our dc need reasonable amounts (not thousands) short term, they will be given it.

In a perfect world we’d all have massive houses and enough money to cover them - but the reality is we don’t! She needs to manage her expectations, and as others say it doesn’t bode well for how she’ll manage the ongoing costs. You’re perfectly reasonable to refuse - borrowing from family isn’t a sustainable financial plan.

Yes tell her she's going in over her head and she should look at a smaller house.
You need your savings in case of redundancy.

DH and I are freelancers working through Covid. Right now life is steady, invoices still being paid and our savings are untouched. But the situation changes so quickly and is going to be ongoing well into next year. No way would I dip into savings for something like this - especially a loan that you have no idea on how she could ever repay.

She needs to cut her cloth according to her means. I appreciate that is a difficult conversation to have and politically it’s probably best to leave that side of it well alone, but she should understand why now is not the time for such loans.

Wow - what a cheek! A 5 bedroom house for 2 people, she has delusions of grandeur methinks. I'm not working at the moment, and wouldn't even consider buying a house I couldn't afford and asking family members to lend me the shortfall, especially in the current economic climate. She needs to get a job and a mortgage if she wants a ridiculously large house.

Don't do it! If someone has to borrow money it's because they aren't living within their means. In this case, SIL is buying a 5 bed when she only really needs a 2/3 bed!

I wouldn't offer a penny of help. Why should you, she can buy something in her budget like everyone else.

@BrowncoatWaffles

DH and I are freelancers working through Covid. Right now life is steady, invoices still being paid and our savings are untouched. But the situation changes so quickly and is going to be ongoing well into next year. No way would I dip into savings for something like this - especially a loan that you have no idea on how she could ever repay.

She needs to cut her cloth according to her means. I appreciate that is a difficult conversation to have and politically it’s probably best to leave that side of it well alone, but she should understand why now is not the time for such loans.

This is also true, you never know if there’s a job loss or a major expense around the corner and need to ringfence your savings accordingly (Especially in the current climate). Not saying nobody should ever help our family with cash and you should never access your savings, but such large amounts could be needed even a short time later.

Are you living in a 5 bedroom house?

Sorry but I wouldn’t do it. No way would I be financing somebody’s aspirations (SIL wanting a 5 bedroom house for only 2 people) when my company is on shaky grounds and I’m having to make my employees redundant.
SIL needs to lower her sights and buy a house she can actually afford. Cheeky cow.

Dont do it! Utter madness!

She can have a nice 3 bed or 4 bed that would still be plenty big ffs

Blimey, I missed the bit about her not working. This reason would be enough for me to not lend her any money.

She's utterly delusional you would be stupid to give lend her any money. Why did she offer on a house she couldn't afford?

Sounds like she needs a hard landing in the real world where people buy what they can afford and they're incredibly fortunate if they can live in a (presumably) 3-4 bed house mortgage free when it's just her and 1 DC.

So she's not working and she will be taking on a significant amount of debt. How does she plan to address household bills - council tax and the like? That will be pretty hefty on a 5 bed house for starters.

Er no, why would anyone consider it ok to ask this? She isn't going to be homeless if you say no, she just needs to buy a smaller house that she can actually afford.

You’ve said a 6 figure some, but also said she requested a loan of £30k...

Why does she need two/three extra bedrooms? Sounds like she needs to adjust to living within her means, plus no doubt all these rooms would need furnishing at extra cost.

YANBU, do not lend her the money under any circumstances.
Presumably she could buy a 2 or 3 bedroom property (maybe even in cash) from the house sale?

Extremely cheeky fuckery. I'd be embarrassed to even ask, knowing the reply would be 'don't buy what you can't afford' from whosoever I approached. Do you and your DH have a hugely successful/large business operation where she perhaps thinks it would be a drop in the ocean for you? Regardless, this is s definate 'no'.

She needs to buy a house she can afford with the divorce settlement.

Stop being "happy to help" with ANY amount. Or you and your DH will be on the hook for many years to come.

No and I would be telling my DH he would end up forking out more than 30k as going through his own divorce. When relationships split everyone ends up a bit poorer.