Asking for a substantial amount of money

[mabelandivy]

SIL is going through a divorce, their house has just sold and she's put an offer on a new one. Problem is the divorce settlement she is getting, share of sell of house money doesn't cover the new property with a shortfall of almost £50k. DH has been asked whether we can help out and she's requesting a loan of 30k from us. DH went back and said that was too much due to our financial situation currently and the next request was £25k. AIBU to think this is a huge amount of money to be asking for? We do have savings that would help, but we've have put off doing things around the house due to cash flow and DH's company being in a difficult position currently due to Covid - he is making lots of redundancies and we're not sure if the business is going to survive. The house the offer has been made on is lovely, but is huge - 5 bedrooms when it's just SIL and DS - and there are other nice (smaller) properties on the market in the same area for considerably less. I am happy to help, but I think a 6 figure sum request is a lot of money and also a cheeky big ask. I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.

Wow !! She must have a huge brass neck! I cannot quite believe that she would have the audacity to even ask for help when she has a tidy sum already.

This is a really uncertain time for everyone and I personally would not take such a massive risk. She might have every intention on paying you back but you just cant predict the future and god forbid she loses her job or something happens and cannot pay you back for years, possibly ever. However bad it might sound I made an agreement with myself years ago to never lend money to anyone, it caused to many argumentS and the full amount lent never gets paid back . I’d make exceptions for my kids when they’re older but everyone else it’s a no. Can she not get a loan maybe offer to be a Guarantor if you really do want to help. I get she’s going through a tough time and you feel bad saying no but just say with the current climate and uncertainty it’s too much or a risk and you need to have that money secure and available should anything happen to your family

Ridiculous amount of money to be asking for. You go to a bank for that sort of loan. Just say you aren't in a position to spare so much money.

Never in a million years!

Champagne tastes ....lemonade pockets 🙄

How ridiculous!! I wouldnt lend a penny. What on earth does she need 5 bedrooms for??

The only way this could ever be viable is if she's planning to either rent out rooms or run a small business from home that would help pay for it; though from what you've said that doesn't sound likely!

I've lost a great deal of money and a number of good friends through lending money I could use now that was not returned. In fact they then shunned me and my young child who could not understand what we'd done wrong.

Give if you can afford to but never lend. It usually backfires.

Echoing everybody else OP. Only lend what you can afford to lose

Would never recommend Lending money to family or friends especially of this proportion. I’d tell her your money is tied up for a few years and you can’t access it

She needs to buy within her budget. Don’t lend her anything.

How did it go op?

Are you kidding? Of course you shouldn't lend her the money for a huge house just for her and one child - particularly in these turbulent times when your husband's business is at risk. Don't even think about it.

Had similar scenario with family member asking us to act as a guarantor for rented accommodation. This person had blown a considerable sum of money and was in debt. Whereas we had survived economy hardships and had mortgage/kids. Wasnt too happy when the answer was no. However this person is still lurching from one disaster to another Whilst I will always help anyone I Can, please look after your family & everything you've worked hard for or you will almost certainly rue the day you helped her.

No. I have a rules in lending Money for relatives. Only lend if I can be fine not getting it back. It is a lot of money that you probably won't get back any time soon

Five bedrooms for two people??? No. She can find something nice with two or three bedrooms.

Don’t be daft, she doesn’t need a 5 bed house and your family’s financial security should be you and your DH’s priority. It sounds as though she can comfortably afford a 3 bed and have money left over so no you shouldn’t lend (ha let’s face it give) her a penny.

Clearly doesn’t need a 5 bed house and clearly won’t be paying you back. Steer well clear

Do not even consider lending this. I'm afraid she needs to cut her cloth according to her means. You need your money for your own lives and unpredictable times ahead.
And she doesn't work?

She’s having a bloody laugh, I wouldn’t give her a bean! Two of them and wants a 5 bedroom house, wants to live above her means

Seriously!!? Just no. I can't imagine my sil having the cheek to ask especially as she doesn't work and mine is quite cheeky. Yours is a different level of cheeky

The 1% yabu is probably your SIL

Ahh how the other half live eh, we're a family of six in a 2 bed! lol Can we swap??
She needs to learn to live within her means...might not always be what you dreamed of, so you make it work!
A 2 bed for 2 people would be luxury to me lol!!

Do you have 3 spare bedrooms??
If she’s desperate for a 5 bed for her and a child offer her a bedroom till she can save the 25k from her non working income!!
Get real here Covid19 is here and going no where soon, I cannot believe your even asking the question about whether to lend it. If you do draw a contract you own that percentage of her property she will soon downsize!

Well she sounds completely entitled. 5 bed house for the 2 of them I hate to even ask to borrow a fiver from my mum, so 50k is just absolutely bonkers to me. Tell her Joan definitely don't feel guilty. It's rude to even ask for that amount.