Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking for a substantial amount of money

507 replies

mabelandivy · 29/09/2020 09:05

SIL is going through a divorce, their house has just sold and she's put an offer on a new one. Problem is the divorce settlement she is getting, share of sell of house money doesn't cover the new property with a shortfall of almost £50k. DH has been asked whether we can help out and she's requesting a loan of 30k from us. DH went back and said that was too much due to our financial situation currently and the next request was £25k. AIBU to think this is a huge amount of money to be asking for? We do have savings that would help, but we've have put off doing things around the house due to cash flow and DH's company being in a difficult position currently due to Covid - he is making lots of redundancies and we're not sure if the business is going to survive. The house the offer has been made on is lovely, but is huge - 5 bedrooms when it's just SIL and DS - and there are other nice (smaller) properties on the market in the same area for considerably less. I am happy to help, but I think a 6 figure sum request is a lot of money and also a cheeky big ask. I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.

OP posts:
pooopypants · 29/09/2020 17:53

You're offering to lend her 5k.... Really?? You're nuts. Both of you.

I'll see you back here, in approx 3 months, with a post called "SIL hasn't repaid loan, AIBU?"

wendywoopywoo222 · 29/09/2020 17:55

If you can't afford to lose 5k don't lend her anything. She should be buying within her means. If she hasn't the means to finance the extra there is no way she will be able to pay any money back.

comingintomyown · 29/09/2020 17:59

Agree why “lend” 5k ? I shake my head at these people who are so entitled and cheeky

GeorginaTheGiant · 29/09/2020 18:00

Sorry to be blunt but you’re a complete fool if you offer her a penny never mind £5k. You are a parent and your first responsibility is to your own family I.e. your children. You know full well that you will never see that money again and that she doesn’t need it - she just wants to maintain a lavish lifestyle that she can’t afford. And you would rather give her £5k than save it for your children’s future or to mitigate against the coming financial hardship that will inevitably affect them. That’s actually quite sad for your children.

Jeremyironseverything · 29/09/2020 18:03

5k isn't enough. Don't even offer that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/09/2020 18:03

@Lampshaped

To my knowledge, you can't purchase a house with a loan unless it's a mortgage because it would create a constructive trust over the property. I'm certain you'd have to declare that you gave her a gift, not a loan. Therefore, if she didn't pay you back then there would be nothing you could do to enforce the loan (especially because she's family and there's an assumption it's a gift).
That's an interesting point - but how would anyone other than the CF SIL know where the money came from? She can put it down as cash deposit with no one any the wiser
Cocomarine · 29/09/2020 18:05

Why on Earth are you prepared to loan (give Hmm) her £5K?!!!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/09/2020 18:08

@ThumbWitchesAbroad The bank would do money laundering checks on her. They did with us years ago.

Standrewsschool · 29/09/2020 18:15

“ I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.”

Simply put, the money, whether 5k or 25k won’t be paid back.

How is she going to afford to run a five bedroom house? And maintain her lifestyle?

You are already resenting her socialising, and she hasn’t even borrowed the money yet.

Simply put, She Cannot Afford This House, and needs a reality check.

CoraPirbright · 29/09/2020 18:16

Good grief!! £5k?? When she doesn’t work, goes out for dinner and to spas and is purchasing a 5 bed house for 2 ppl??

She wouldn’t be getting a brass farthing from me!!

MissConductUS · 29/09/2020 18:20

That's an interesting point - but how would anyone other than the CF SIL know where the money came from? She can put it down as cash deposit with no one any the wiser

She could, but every time we've applied for a mortgage we had to prove where the down payment money came from with bank or brokerage statements.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/09/2020 18:22

I wouldn’t offer to loan her a penny.

She needs to buy a house she can afford. I’d love a 5 bed house too but guess what, I can’t afford one where I live so I won’t be getting one.

Sil is a huge cf, I’d go back to being angry if I were you

Beautiful3 · 29/09/2020 18:24

Why would you gift 5,000 when she doesnt work and is living a comfortable lifestyle??! A fool and their money are easily parted.

billy1966 · 29/09/2020 18:31

Why would you offer someone with clearly more disposable income than you, £5,000...that you can't afford and may actual need?🤷‍♀️

Really unbelievable.

Dillydallyingthrough · 29/09/2020 18:33

Why on earth are you gifting her £5k???

Just say no, if your DH really has to get into it, he can surely say he has lost a lot of money because of vivid and that's the end of it. If it because your DH doesn't want to say an outright no, I would be furious with him, that money could go to your DC.

Glittertwins · 29/09/2020 18:38

A fool and their money are soon parted....

CakeRequired · 29/09/2020 18:43

Hey op can I have 5k too for nothing? Hmm

Sorry but you're an idiot. Say bye bye to your money and enjoy watching your sil have a fancy lifestyle while you struggle.

Havaiana · 29/09/2020 18:44

A bit strange that you're 'instructing' DH to offer the money. Is he your secretary?

Cillmantain · 29/09/2020 18:50

Not a chance.
Never lend money that you aren't prepared to loose.
She needs to live within her means.

okokok000 · 29/09/2020 18:52

If you're going to offer any money (eg the £5k) do it with the private mindset that it is a gift otherwise you run the risk of being very irritated when it isn't repaid.

Has she factored in running costs of the house?

LouiseTrees · 29/09/2020 18:53

Read your latest update and just coming on to say well done you for coming up with a good solution. I want to comment in case there are any updates.

monkeymonkey2010 · 29/09/2020 18:54

so you watch her spend on luxuries - and still offer money???
Why can't you just say a pointy blank 'No - that doesn't work for us" and then offer helpful suggestions, such as downsizing, working more hours like YOU do....saving.....????

Balibabe1 · 29/09/2020 18:58

Seriously, you’re coming across as enjoying the drama now. It’s a “No” plain and simple.

bridgetreilly · 29/09/2020 19:02

I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight with a max loan offer of 5k, which I think is reasonable in the current circumstances.

WTF? Why would you do this? It won't help her buy the house. She doesn't need money, she needs a reality check. The kindest thing you can both do is say no to her and point out that she really needs to choose to live within her means.

Kisskiss · 29/09/2020 19:02

Just say NO and don’t feel bad. It would be different if she would be homeless without the loan, but it seems that she could easily afford a slightly smaller house ( squeeze them 2 of em into a 4 bed Grin)
Plus it sounds like she’s asking for a gift not a loan if she has no incone