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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking for a substantial amount of money

507 replies

mabelandivy · 29/09/2020 09:05

SIL is going through a divorce, their house has just sold and she's put an offer on a new one. Problem is the divorce settlement she is getting, share of sell of house money doesn't cover the new property with a shortfall of almost £50k. DH has been asked whether we can help out and she's requesting a loan of 30k from us. DH went back and said that was too much due to our financial situation currently and the next request was £25k. AIBU to think this is a huge amount of money to be asking for? We do have savings that would help, but we've have put off doing things around the house due to cash flow and DH's company being in a difficult position currently due to Covid - he is making lots of redundancies and we're not sure if the business is going to survive. The house the offer has been made on is lovely, but is huge - 5 bedrooms when it's just SIL and DS - and there are other nice (smaller) properties on the market in the same area for considerably less. I am happy to help, but I think a 6 figure sum request is a lot of money and also a cheeky big ask. I should also say that I can't see how this money will be paid back when SIL also doesn't work.

OP posts:
raspberryfields · 29/09/2020 16:51

And refuse the £5k too!!

averythinline · 29/09/2020 16:53

Why anything at all? Or did your dh promise to help when she split up with her dh???
I wouldn't be working for someone else's spa/meals out .....Especially as worried about future work....no way

Sunnydaysstillhere · 29/09/2020 16:54

Surely you mean a fiver op? Tell her to put a few lines on Lotto with it..

Throckmorton · 29/09/2020 16:56

Why on earth offer her 5k?!! Give an inch...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/09/2020 16:59

Errr - no, why on earth would you consider giving this chancer £5k of your hard earned back up money, when you know full well you're not going to ever get it back again, and she's just going to spend it on luxury living that YOU can't afford?

Why would you do that?

That doesn't send the right message AT ALL.

Your DH gives her a flat "no" with the proviso that if she gets into trouble, he may be able to help her out in the future, but only in the direst emergency.

Don't open the door an inch to her cheeky fuckery - she'll slam it wide and before you know it, she'll have her money and 5 bed house and you'll be in the shit.

Mix56 · 29/09/2020 16:59

Have you been to the spa recently ? No, didn't think so.
Whatever you give her she will not repay, & most likely come back for more.
Just Don't Ever lend to family, It will end badly.

Redlocks28 · 29/09/2020 17:00

@mabelandivy

I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight with a max loan offer of 5k, which I think is reasonable in the current circumstances. No more than this. I've just seen on FB that she dining out (again) following a weekend at the spa. No way am I sitting her working myself silly to pay for all of that!
You’re a fool to give her £5k when she goes to spas! Kiss goodbye to it.

Have you not read all of these posts?!

DaddyCool60 · 29/09/2020 17:03

If a bank won't lend it to her, you shouldn't either. If they would lend it to her but at a high interest rate, same deal. Banks have legal teams to reclaim bad debts. I doubt you do.

diddl · 29/09/2020 17:04

"I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight with a max loan offer of 5k,"

Why?

Why would you help someone buy a house with at least 2 more bedrooms that they need?

Cantbreathe2020 · 29/09/2020 17:06

@BarbaraofSeville

Another question would be that if there's a shortfall of almost £50k, where is she planning to get the other £20-30k that she's not asking for from you?

Does she have savings? Is she asking someone else too?

Good point about furnishings and running costs. If she doesn't work, her income is going to be benefits and maintenance, so she needs to make sure she can cover her bills so it would make sense to look at a smaller property. Although if she's got eyes on a 5 bed house and thinks nothing of tapping up her DB for £30k, I wouldn't also be surprised if she has little experience of managing finances or paying bills and hasn't thought it all through very well.

She won't get benefits (besides child benefit which is what family allowance used to be) if she owns a 5 bed house!
Cantbreathe2020 · 29/09/2020 17:09

@mabelandivy

I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight with a max loan offer of 5k, which I think is reasonable in the current circumstances. No more than this. I've just seen on FB that she dining out (again) following a weekend at the spa. No way am I sitting her working myself silly to pay for all of that!
I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight Hmm
LonelyFromCorona · 29/09/2020 17:10

Err isn't that what a mortgage is for? And if its the case she will be taking max available mortgage and needs another 50k on top, she needs to find a smaller house...

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/09/2020 17:19

That money she is spending on dining out and the spa...

why isn't she saving it, to help with moving costs?

Could it be that she thinks she's going to be 'given' (because it won't be a loan, she will never pay it back) the money to cover that?

OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer · 29/09/2020 17:20

She won't get benefits (besides child benefit which is what family allowance used to be) if she owns a 5 bed house!

She might. The size of the house she owns won't be taken into account. Obviously if she had a paid off home then she wouldn't get any of the benefits intended to cover housing costs, but she could get any of JSA, UC, Carer's Allowance, ESA etc that she met the criteria for.

Dontjudgeme101 · 29/09/2020 17:22

Don’t give her a penny, she doesn’t deserve it.

Leeds2 · 29/09/2020 17:25

I think you would be more than generous to offer £5k in the circumstances. I certainly wouldn't.

Iloveacurry · 29/09/2020 17:26

You shouldn’t offer her anything! She’s wanting to buy a house she can’t afford, does not work, but seems to have enough to eat out and go on spa weekends! If she doesn’t work, how will she pay you back? She’s definitely a CF.

Passthewinebottle · 29/09/2020 17:27

@mabelandivy

I am going to instruct DH to contact her tonight with a max loan offer of 5k, which I think is reasonable in the current circumstances. No more than this. I've just seen on FB that she dining out (again) following a weekend at the spa. No way am I sitting her working myself silly to pay for all of that!
CF of the highest frigging order!!!
HathorX · 29/09/2020 17:29

Simply, no I wouldn't lend this money.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 29/09/2020 17:32

I wouldn't lend her £1.

A 5 bedroom house for her and one DC when she isn't even working?

Fuck off.

Tell her to cut her cloth like you have.

RoseGoldNails · 29/09/2020 17:39

@mabelandivy tell her that given the current climate you can’t loan her ANY money at all. Not even “just 5k” because you’ll NEVER see that money again. You need this money to support your DC and pay for your own mortgage.

She needs to find a 2-3 bed house that she can actually afford with her own money.

Lampshaped · 29/09/2020 17:40

To my knowledge, you can't purchase a house with a loan unless it's a mortgage because it would create a constructive trust over the property. I'm certain you'd have to declare that you gave her a gift, not a loan. Therefore, if she didn't pay you back then there would be nothing you could do to enforce the loan (especially because she's family and there's an assumption it's a gift).

RemyHadley · 29/09/2020 17:43

I don’t understand why you want to lend her anything?

simonisnotme · 29/09/2020 17:45

neither a borrower or lender be
you will never see it again and she will begging/scrounging off you for ever more

gah2teenagers · 29/09/2020 17:45

Why would you ‘gift’ her £5k. Total madness. So she can have another spa day.

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