To end my relationship over something so small?

[AtticusDinch]

I know I can end it for any reason but don’t know if I’m over reacting.

Last night my boyfriend put a photo of us both up on Instagram, he’d put a heart filter over the top of it. One of his friends left a comment saying ‘boyfriends name loves a filter‘. My boyfriend commented back to him ‘friends name loves boys’

Apart from the fact we are both mid 30s and that reply just seems incredibly childish and immature. I feel really uncomfortable about him having used being gay as an insult.

This only happened last night so I’ve been thinking about it and haven’t spoken to him yet. AIBU for feeling that way? In some ways o feel I’m being just as petty as they were.

Also genuinely sickened at the amount of people saying "that's just how men talk!"/"all the men I know are like that!". I don't know anyone who makes homophobic jokes regularly (or ever) and I wouldn't be friends with someone who did.

Pervasive shitty attitudes don't flourish in a big blaze of intolerance, it's a thousand tiny offhand comments that nobody challenges. How many times does a person have to hear 'lol gay' as an 'joke' insult before they genuinely feel that their sexuality is the thing being mocked? Not many.

@yelyah22

Also genuinely sickened at the amount of people saying "that's just how men talk!"/"all the men I know are like that!". I don't know anyone who makes homophobic jokes regularly (or ever) and I wouldn't be friends with someone who did.

Pervasive shitty attitudes don't flourish in a big blaze of intolerance, it's a thousand tiny offhand comments that nobody challenges. How many times does a person have to hear 'lol gay' as an 'joke' insult before they genuinely feel that their sexuality is the thing being mocked? Not many.

Exactly. These little things ARE important. Even if people are saying it behind closed doors/ amongst their close friends or whatever... it still matters, and it still originates from a place of intolerance. People say they "don't mean it that way" (which I'm sure most probably don't), but just think about its original meaning and it's at best thoughtlessness. Originally it would have been used as an insult. The fact that it's been normalised doesn't make it OK.

A decent person when challenged on it would stop doing it. If someone claims not to be homophobic then they shouldn't be using the word "gay" in that way. Pretty simple really!

To the PPs saying how he would be decent if he responded well to being challenged.

OP hasn't challenged him. She just wanted to dump him.

Would OP receive the same responses if she was dumped out of the blue for a comment without an opportunity to rectify it ?

If you end it because of that then imo you are pathetic.
Better yet just do it. He's much better off with someone else.

^If you end it because of that then imo you are pathetic.
Better yet just do it. He's much better off with someone else.^

Like some kind of simple-minded homophobe?

You carry on sticking up for men's right to carry on their casual homophobia.

Maybe this is how you and your friends 'banter'. Decent people don't speak like this.

Would OP receive the same responses if she was dumped out of the blue for a comment without an opportunity to rectify it ?

I think, even allowing for the MN pro-woman bias (something I've no problem with), I think a majority of the answers would be along the lines of 'he can leave a relationship for any reason he wants, and what you said is casually homophobic.'

Why is it that most people are willing to challenge blatant racism, sexism etc. but when it comes to homophobia its often considered just 'banter'? Genuinely interested in hearing from the non-dick posters on this thread if they have any views.