To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

[quote sunshinerays]@Misty9 thank you life coaching is a good idea I've not thought about that [/quote]
Try doing the wheel of life to get you started www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/products/wheel-of-life-coaching-tool/ this is just one example. It can be illuminating. I'd better go to sleep to avoid my own burnout (!) but feel free to dm me if you like.

@Misty9 thank you and me too I'm so tried but would like to take an opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your responses. It's really helped me to hear of others feeling similar and your suggestions. Xx

@Time40 jobs I'm passionate about won't pay the bills and that will put strain on me and DH relationship massively.

I think a lot about my DH in all of this and throwing the towel in leaves him under a lot of pressure and I can't do it, not right now.

When we have kids I feel that will give me some breathing space possibly to reassess the career side of things but until then I can't let home down

I’m so sorry to hear you feel this way.

Have you heard of Mo Gawdat? Much like you he achieved everything he wanted to achieve by 30 and found himself clinically depressed. There’s a beautiful podcast called ‘How to Fail with Elizabeth Day’ and she interviews Mo Gawdat about his happiness project. I listen to it every time I feel down and it lifts me up.

I’m happy you’re sharing how you feel. Part of you must believe not everything is entirely pointless because you’re here

It can feel like that. I hope this doesn't sound twatty, for want of a better word, but perhaps doing something to help less fortunate people or people in need would be rewarding.

I'm probably not the best person to post on this as I am actively suicidal and one of the arguments I have for wanting to end my life is that its going to end one day anyway, so why prolong it? If I'm going to spend everyday bored, miserable, and depressed then what difference does it make if I die now or in X amount of years time?

As I'm typing this I'm a bit worried that it's probably not the wisest thing to say but it's just my way saying I understand how it feels.

I don't enjoy anything either, I've tried so many things. I've also tried so many different types of therapies and medications but it's still monotonous.

One thing I will suggest is mindfulness. I went to a group which I enjoyed and they explained it really well. When thoughts come into your head, let them be there but don't react to them. Don't label them good or bad and don't have an opinion on them. Just let them be there and then let them pass by. I really like the app Headspace, I find his voice very calming and it helps me ground myself.

I do think you sound like you need to speak to your doctor or get medication possibly. It's not normal to feel this way I don't think. it sounds awful.

I think life can be really hard sometimes but the good times outweigh the bad (for me anyway) and I'm always conscious that this isn't a dress rehearsal and when it comes to the end you'll probably wish more than anything you could have some more time... So I try to enjoy it as best I can. X

you mention you are under investigation for a physical condition? Depression or other emotional difficulties can be symptoms of physical conditions e.g. hormonal, auto-immune, neurological. Have you ever had an assessment with a psychiatrist?

My instinct, going by your posts on here OP is that you did all the things you felt you 'ought' to do, got the end (material/career) result and are now living a life that doesn't feel like yours, and are clinically depressed as a result. Which is a perfectly normal response, many people would feel the same in your position. Putting a lot of store on material things does inevitably lead to a sort of furious emptiness, because life isn't really about that - even if the media etc would lead you to believe it is.
In your shoes, I would:

Immediately: go to GP and get some meds
Short to medium term: find a psychotherapist you click with and embark on at least 12 months of more reflective, deep exploration of your assumptions about life, your worries, your early life, whatever comes up. Even if you've tried counselling before, don't just flatly write it off, work on finding the right therapist and commit to a deeper dive into stuff.

Longer term: consider leaving your job. Because doing a job you hate for good money can make you feel very much as you describe, and I think that is at the heart of all this. I know you don't want to leave right now, but I do think it might be something to explore.
Good luck.

Does your husband know how you feel? Are you SURE that you leaving your job and/or reducing earnings would be “letting him down?” Do you support him financially and, if so, why?

You do realise that most people do not allow personal loyalties to factor into their job decisions? Sorry to break it to you but at work nobody is indispensable. And if you leaving your job would cause such a huge issue for others then it is your organisation at fault for not having sufficient resilience. And as for maternity leave- if you are in the U.K. it is your legal right. Don’t be so wet as to say that you are special and could not take as much as you needed.

I had a big swinging dick job. It was the pinnacle of achievement in my profession and one that people sweat and toil and would give their right arm for. I have not for one tiny second regretted the day I gave it up, after only 2 years in that position (people normally do it for about 20!) I now work part time in the same sector, with very minimal management responsibility but still getting paid a fair whack due to my experience. If you have done this well so far you will not end up destitute, probably just happier. And with kids just take the plunge, honestly. Do not overthink it. I did, and wasted a load of time. Also here’s a tip- just have one. That way you don’t end up quite so deep in the “life is just about the kids” drudgery that a lot of people talk about. You can enjoy your child. It’s cheaper, better for the planet and less tiring.

Go for walks in nature - nature that's littered with face masks

Sit on a beach - don't have a car to get to beach
Have a cuddle - menopausal - don't want a cuddle!
Speak to a friend - friend thinks Covid is a conspiracy
Do yoga/mindfulness - menopausal - can't bend any more for fear of peeing, mindful of puddle on floor
Set goals and reward yourself.* - goal, getting through one groundhog day to the next - reward- there are no rewards for putting ourselves through this shit anymore!!

All the above said somewhat tongue in cheek with a hint of painful honesty :-)

I appreciate we have to be grateful for so much, really we do - especially our health during this pandemic but it is difficult when we're uncertain about the future, not sure if the 'new normal' really is going to be the new normal (geez, i hope not).

I just want to take time out to travel again, to basically get away from reality for one or two weeks before I go insane!

Seriously.. some mundane chores I've simply stopped doing because, what the hell. I ask myself 'Does it really matter anymore?' much more often..

When I get days like OP, I just try to live for the moment, or think of something achievable and obtainable to add to my list of things I want to do/experience/be etc., take one thing at a time; and don't look at the bigger picture too much - it can sometimes be overwhelming.

@sunshinerays

I see religion come up a few times and tbf I am envious of religious people too.

But I just can't force myself to believe something I don't believe - so religion wouldn't work for me. I wish it would though.

I feel like this too. I used to go to church when I was a teenager. I felt really loved and had a great circle of friends. I loved singing, I loved the friendship, I had some peace. But then one day I just started questioning things and just couldn't believe it any more or make sense of it, so felt like a hypocrite continuing to go. I am in my fifties now and still miss the social aspect of it.

Best thing I ever did was to give up a career in Nursing after 30 years. It made me miserable and caused horrendous anxiety. I carried on doing it for so long because I needed work that fitted round four kids and we needed the money but since changing careers I have not looked back. I may be earning a lot less money but so much happier.

I can't see any love or relationships mentioned it all seems to be about work. I wonder if this is what is missing from your life, if not, have you ever tried helping someone not as fortunate as yourself and gently guiding someone to a better life you seem to have the means to be able to do this. It would change your life and give you a completely different outlook and purpose as well as someone else's. Having a purpose doesn't mean that you feel ecstatic happiness but it will give you deep satisfaction.

I started having these thoughts in my early 20s. It was actually the beginning of an episode of major depression. After about a year, I developed a fixation with death, which then progressed into suicidal thoughts.

I had no idea what was happening to me at the time, and it was very scary. 10 years later and I’ve never had another episode.

There are very good suggestions on the thread, but if you begin to feel any worse, please see your GP.

I have felt like this about life since I can remember. It comes and goes a bit but the lack of enthusiasm and joy is an ongoing feature of my life. It had got worse as I have got older.

Thanks OP - I feel like I’ve found my people on this thread. Might try some of the suggestions and see if they help - so thanks to those sharing ideas too. I’ve been attempting TOMM as I hope making our home nicer and housework can be therapeutic - but it feels damn good to know other people struggle to find meaning too. I don’t believe it is depression, more disillusion. I’d like to be plugged back into the matrix.

Op, you say 'when we will have kids' - so if you don't feel having kids is pointless, then I wouldn't call you clinically depressed like other posters!
Or is it just pressure from DH?

@Misty9

Do you feel like this ALL the time though? Is there any variation? We're pretty crap when it comes to mood dependent memory and only easily remember times of how we're feeling in that moment. Could you notice this feeling, then accept it and know it passes? If only temporarily? You don't have to jump on board those trains of thought about it all being pointless, just notice them?

This is good advice and how I have learned. get through the worst patches.

Weirdly, despite having much less enthusiasm for life than when I was younger ( not that I had much even then) I I also have many fewer suicidal thoughts. Maybe the suicidal thoughts are too much effort

Seriously though, I think the understanding that I have some moments of contentment (if not joy) and that they will come again helps to get through the worst bits. Also as I get older I seem to have much less of an active wish to die however miserable I am.

I think if you knew the answer to this OP, you would be a very rich woman. As my Dad says ''You're born, life's a bitch and then you die!''
I know how you feel, every single night tidying the kitchen I'm thinking FFS I'm doing this and I'll have to do it all again tomorrow! I found a good quote though that might help.. let me try to find it..

“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”

I've had amazing times (the birth of my son) and this year awful times (losing my sister, COVID, wedding cancelled) and I found during those awful times, how much I didn't appreciate the mundane times. Talking to my sister on facetime about shit. Moaning to her. Just boring, life. But sometimes you don't realise that boring is something you will miss when you look back on it. x

It is pointless to say that your life is crap and meaningless, unless you have very dire circumstances to live with every day. You have to make decisions to make your life happier. Surely there are little things that will make you feel happier, as in taking an interest in something pleasant that you would like to do each week etc.

A cat if you are single are great company, most are loving (unless you get a feral cat) and I find mine stress relieving and soothing.
I live alone
She has moments of playfulness and used to hunt , sometimes now at 10

I vent a bit like OP and then had kids. Children give life meaning and praise but I realise that’s not possible for everyone. Having my babies snapped me out of a malaise and sustained me. Unfortunately ow, as they become teenagers I feel the malaise hovering in the background. My anxiety and dissatisfaction is now related to ageing. I’m definitely entering a new existential crisis..,different to the OP but similar.

Wish I had the answers.

Kids give purpose not praise. (Typing on my phone on another sleepless night).

I agree that life is pointless but that's fine, isn't it? Does there have to be a point? I'm glad there is no point, I'd be sure to miss it if there was.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no pollyanna, actually I'm very negative in general, but thinking that there could or should be something better doesn't help. Existence may be crap, but is there something better you'd rather be doing? Do you have somewhere else to be?

One way to think about it that that being comfortably bored is a privilege.