Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have offered to reimburse her deposit?

117 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 07:47

I booked a holiday next year for myself and dc. My cousin who I am close to asked if she could join us so I said yes of course so she paid £100 deposit on the hotel. She goes away a fair bit and often books refundable rooms.

This month the same hotel came up at a really good price so dc and I thought we would go. I wouldnt normally do this but we have both been desperate for a break (dc is adult ds). However while we were there we had power cuts, no hot water for days, non stop rain, damp rooms and the area is a lot smaller than anticipated so we feel we have done it now and we really dont want to go back.

I asked my cousin if she would be able to change her booking, suggesting we go to another country she has always wanted to visit instead and explaining our reasons for not wanting to return again. The other country is generally cheaper and with better weather. She has been very curt and abrupt saying she has contacted the hotel, she is going to lose her deposit and she wont be coming away in June.

My cousin is very very well off and doesnt need to work so I dont think its the money. I have made it clear that we would love for her to still join us next year. She has been to the place we have just returned from so its not as if she is missing out on seeing it. And to be honest I dont want to waste 2 weeks annual leave in the rain again and with no hot water etc and nor does ds who gets only a small amount of annual leave. But I have been left wondering whether she wanted me to repay the deposit or if she is generally just pissed off. Should I offer to repay the deposit or just leave her to come round in her own time( I will also be losing our deposit too)

OP posts:
whirlwindwallaby · 28/09/2020 07:50

You are cancelling on her, so you should repay her deposit.

PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2020 07:50

It’s a bit off that you told her she could come with you and now you’re not going.

I think paying her deposit would be the fair thing to do.

icelollycraving · 28/09/2020 07:51

I think it would be fair to pay her deposit.

Star81 · 28/09/2020 07:52

Sorry, your the one cancelling so you are responsible for repaying her.

Her being well off and not having to work makes no difference to this at all.

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/09/2020 07:53

I think what you’ve done is really quite bizarre and rude, and yes I think you should repay the deposit. You had a holiday booked, decided to go and do the holiday in advance without one the party coming, and have then told them the holiday they were planning for is not off because you’ve already done it, and they need to sort it out for themselves. I’d be gobsmacked if a friend or family member did this to me. You’ve been really out of order!

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/09/2020 07:53

So many typos. Holiday is NOW off*

Lordamighty · 28/09/2020 07:54

Yes you should offer to refund her deposit.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 28/09/2020 07:54

Why on earth would you go somewhere you know you're already going with someone else? Yes suck it up, either go again and make the most of it or refund the deposit. Although if i was you cousin I'd be rapidly rethinking joint holidays.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 28/09/2020 07:56

I agree that you cancelled on her so should cheerfully refund her deposit.

HowFastIsTooFast · 28/09/2020 07:56

Of course you should repay her deposit OP, how on earth could you think otherwise? She was coming with you, and you've casually changed the plans to her financial detriment.

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 07:57

@BuffaloCauliflower

I think what you’ve done is really quite bizarre and rude, and yes I think you should repay the deposit. You had a holiday booked, decided to go and do the holiday in advance without one the party coming, and have then told them the holiday they were planning for is not off because you’ve already done it, and they need to sort it out for themselves. I’d be gobsmacked if a friend or family member did this to me. You’ve been really out of order!
But we havent cancelled yet. We said we were thinking of cancelling stating the reasons above. We havent just done it with no discussion
OP posts:
cuddlymunchkin · 28/09/2020 07:57

You had the holiday without her. What a weird thing to do, and to try and make out that SHE'S being unreasonable?!

Pumpkinnose · 28/09/2020 07:57

It’s £100 of course you should refund. I’d be annoyed that wasn’t your first sentence when you spoke to her. I’d also be annoyed that you went already without her and unilaterally decided “you’d done the are”. I think YABU and selfish.

Doingitaloneandproud · 28/09/2020 07:59

I agree you should refund the deposit, it's actually quite rude of you not to offer so YABU

Estrellente · 28/09/2020 07:59

You need to refund her deposit.
I can’t quite believe you’re even asking!

Lantern156 · 28/09/2020 07:59

Yes, you should refund her the deposit since she lost it due to your decisions.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/09/2020 07:59

Of course you should refund the deposit. The holiday was your idea and now you are cancelling.

SebandAlice · 28/09/2020 07:59

Of all the places in all the world you decide to go to a place you had already booked without her. Very odd. Yes she is right to be annoyed and yes you should repay her.

rookiemere · 28/09/2020 08:00

I can't believe you're even having this internal debate. Off course she's off with you, I'd be bloody furious. Yes of course you should have offered to refund her deposit since you're the one who has cost her the money. If I were her I doubt I'd ever want to go on holiday with you again as apparently arrangements that are made in advance don't matter, and seemingly nor does her money.

FWIW if I were her and you'd offered the cost back of the deposit as soon as you came back and had been very apologetic about it, if I was financially better off I probably would have declined it. But you don't even sound vaguely sorry about having unilaterally changed plans, that would be hurtful to the other person.

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:03

It was our holiday in the first place. She has been here a few times though not to this hotel. And she goes away multiple times a year so can get a week or two in the sun anytime. We are restricted to a small amount of time so do not want to spend that time in damp rooms with no hot water and in bad weather. And I dont actually think she would either.

But I take all your comments on board and will offer to reimburse the deposit

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 28/09/2020 08:04

You basically had a holiday she’d arranged with her, a year in advance, to the detriment of the holiday she’s already committed herself to financially? I can’t believe that this is is the only place in the world with vacancies/ in your price range? A very odd thing for you to do, YABVU.

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:06

@SebandAlice

Of all the places in all the world you decide to go to a place you had already booked without her. Very odd. Yes she is right to be annoyed and yes you should repay her.
We dont have a lot of money and there were not many places with good reviews for our budget. So it wasnt a deliberate thing.
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2020 08:07

It was our holiday in the first place.

But you tied your plans together when you agreed she could join you.

Gizlotsmum · 28/09/2020 08:08

Even if she was gatecrashing your holiday, even if she had all the money in the world, you agreed to her coming along, you then went to the place booked for this holiday (odd why not go somewhere else?) and have now decided you don't want to go back... So you will cancel... Because why would you go now? Can you not see how hurtful that must be?

Racoonworld · 28/09/2020 08:11

Such a weird thing to do. Why didn’t you just pick somewhere else to go rather than booking the exact same hotel you were going with your cousin? I’d be so annoyed if it were me, it wouldn’t even be about the £100 though of course you should reimburse her anyway as it’s your fault.

Swipe left for the next trending thread