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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have offered to reimburse her deposit?

117 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 07:47

I booked a holiday next year for myself and dc. My cousin who I am close to asked if she could join us so I said yes of course so she paid £100 deposit on the hotel. She goes away a fair bit and often books refundable rooms.

This month the same hotel came up at a really good price so dc and I thought we would go. I wouldnt normally do this but we have both been desperate for a break (dc is adult ds). However while we were there we had power cuts, no hot water for days, non stop rain, damp rooms and the area is a lot smaller than anticipated so we feel we have done it now and we really dont want to go back.

I asked my cousin if she would be able to change her booking, suggesting we go to another country she has always wanted to visit instead and explaining our reasons for not wanting to return again. The other country is generally cheaper and with better weather. She has been very curt and abrupt saying she has contacted the hotel, she is going to lose her deposit and she wont be coming away in June.

My cousin is very very well off and doesnt need to work so I dont think its the money. I have made it clear that we would love for her to still join us next year. She has been to the place we have just returned from so its not as if she is missing out on seeing it. And to be honest I dont want to waste 2 weeks annual leave in the rain again and with no hot water etc and nor does ds who gets only a small amount of annual leave. But I have been left wondering whether she wanted me to repay the deposit or if she is generally just pissed off. Should I offer to repay the deposit or just leave her to come round in her own time( I will also be losing our deposit too)

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:35

@TinySleepThief I would for other places I have been to. But this place was smaller than we expected and the public transport isnt as good as other places we have been so less opportunity to explore

OP posts:

Sally872 · 28/09/2020 08:37

I think it is rude to say "of course" when cousin asked to come then go earlier without her. Probably this is why she is annoyed, especially when you come back and ask to go somewhere else leaving her out of pocket for planned trip.

Lovemusic33 · 28/09/2020 08:37

Your the one that wants to cancel so you should pay her back the deposit. Why does it make any difference how much money she has?

Purpledaisychain · 28/09/2020 08:38

Just out of interest, do you do any research on this hotel before you went? Read the reviews etc? Did you research this country's weather system? Did you just go at a bad time of year weatherwise? Is the weather usually better at the time of this 2nd holiday? If not, could you change the time of year you go? The hotel may let her change the booking dates.

Whatisapension · 28/09/2020 08:39

I can see why she would be pissed off about the deposit, but I don't think what you've done is crime of the century tbh. Some of the comments such as never speaking to you again are a bit OTT. If I went on holiday with someone and they already knew how shit the place was, I'd be more pissed off about them them not telling me tbh

I don't see what's so odd about you booking the same place either, if a cheap deal came up.

Perhaps she is also annoyed that you didn't invite her this time though? Maybe just go again next year and let her see how it is for herself (though you will probably end up on bad terms for allowing her to go somewhere shit anyway!)

burnoutbabe · 28/09/2020 08:39

I see the op's point. I may invite someone to go to Florida with me next year. Then sneak in another trip last minute.
If we realised we'd booked a rubbish hotel, we'd want to change it, and not be forced to go again (I assume both op and cousin lose the deposit?)
So go somewhere nearby but nicer hotel? Seems sensible to me. Unless it's a one hotel town?

Sally872 · 28/09/2020 08:40

I think apologising for going on planned trip early and without her is more important than refund (though I would also refund)

MaggieFS · 28/09/2020 08:41

How odd. I can't imagine deciding to book to go somewhere you've already got a booking for.

I doubt it's about the money but the very least you can do to begin to make amends is pay the deposit.

And no, of course none of you will want to waste holiday and money going somewhere crap, but I think it was out of order of you to have gone in the first place.

You'll just have to be nice and involve her a lot in finding and planning an alternative.

And then don't go and bloody spoil it by going there first!

PegasusReturns · 28/09/2020 08:42

You should refund her the money but understand the money is not why she’s upset.

You effectively went ahead and had the holiday you’d invited her on without her - what a snub!

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:44

@Purpledaisychain

I honestly did. I read trip advisor avidly and joined a couple of facebook forums for the local area where people in hindsight are very evangelical about the area. We met a few people there who said they also didn't want to come back for the same reasons as us

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:47

@PegasusReturns

You should refund her the money but understand the money is not why she’s upset.

You effectively went ahead and had the holiday you’d invited her on without her - what a snub!

We didnt invite her as such. She asked if she could come and booked a few weeks after us. We were more than happy for her to come of course though

OP posts:

plunkplunkfizz · 28/09/2020 08:49

If I were your cousin I’d be very hurt and the deposit would be least of your worries compared to the loss of any ongoing relationship.

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:50

@MaggieFS

How odd. I can't imagine deciding to book to go somewhere you've already got a booking for.

I doubt it's about the money but the very least you can do to begin to make amends is pay the deposit.

And no, of course none of you will want to waste holiday and money going somewhere crap, but I think it was out of order of you to have gone in the first place.

You'll just have to be nice and involve her a lot in finding and planning an alternative.

And then don't go and bloody spoil it by going there first!

Yes in hindsight it was odd to book the same place twice. I wont be doing it again. I have loved everywhere else I have ever been aside from Egypt, so thought I would be happy to go there again too. Lesson learnt

OP posts:

AdoreTheBeach · 28/09/2020 08:50

OP, the mistake you made was going on the holiday to the same place a year in advance if what you agreed with your relative. That was very thoughtless

You’ve now asked her to cancel that hotel. So that is cancelling that holiday. You also say you don’t want to go back there - so you are cancelling. You are cancelling because you already went on the agreed holiday without her and don’t want to go back (for whatever reason, that’s the crux if the matter).

You were very thoughtless, Selfish and rude to your relative. No, you were not selfish to go on a holiday but it was selfish to go on THAT holiday.

Give her the deposit back if she cannot get a refund. If I were her, I’d never book to go away with you again.

With each argument you’re baking, it comes across as more thoughtless about your relative and selfish.

AdoreTheBeach · 28/09/2020 08:51

Sorry for typos. Need new glasses

user1493494961 · 28/09/2020 08:55

Out of interest, why didn't you tell her of your last-minute holiday and invite her along.

jessycake · 28/09/2020 08:56

I think you should refund the deposit , and that should also have been the first thing you did after cancelling the holiday without discussing anything with her . This is not anything she could have possibly predicted .

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:57

@plunkplunkfizz

If I were your cousin I’d be very hurt and the deposit would be least of your worries compared to the loss of any ongoing relationship.

But all I have done so far is say "We didnt like the hotel and area for x y z reasons and really would rather not return. You have always said you fancy going to other country. Would you be able to change your booking and maybe go there instead?" We havent yet cancelled our booking or uninvited her. I can understand her being pissed off we went without her but she was fine about it and asked us to scout out the good restaurants etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 08:59

@user1493494961

Out of interest, why didn't you tell her of your last-minute holiday and invite her along.

Because we are not joined at the hip and go away without each other as well as together. I also wanted to spend time with adult ds too who doesnt live with me

OP posts:

TinySleepThief · 28/09/2020 09:02

I can understand her being pissed off we went without her but she was fine about it and asked us to scout out the good restaurants etc.

The trouble is you think this meant she was ok with it but honestly I imagine it was just her putting on a brave face, what else was she supposed to say in that situation.

I appreciate you say you have been back to some places when you've had a nice time but I would imagine repeating these exact holidays didn't happen only a year later?

Todaythiscouldbe · 28/09/2020 09:03

I'm only reading this in the hope we will eventually discover this tiny place with one hotel where it rains all the time.

12309845653ghydrvj · 28/09/2020 09:05

OP you were extremely thoughtless and if I were the cousin I would not be interested in spending this time with you in the future.

You totally snubbed her and essentially excluded her from a plan, then cancelled on the original trip!

It’s total BS trying to claim this is the only decent cheap place anywhere—even if we were only talking about say Yorkshire, you would have loads of options that fit the bill. Your behaviour was bizarre. Give her the money without asking first and apologise profusely—you have been extremely thoughtless

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 09:06

@AdoreTheBeach

OP, the mistake you made was going on the holiday to the same place a year in advance if what you agreed with your relative. That was very thoughtless

You were very thoughtless, Selfish and rude to your relative. No, you were not selfish to go on a holiday but it was selfish to go on THAT holiday.

Give her the deposit back if she cannot get a refund. If I were her, I’d never book to go away with you again.

With each argument you’re baking, it comes across as more thoughtless about your relative and selfish.

I agree it was thoughtless to go on this holiday. We didnt have many options in our budget and with the travel restrictions and ds has had a horrible time for various reasons this year so I wanted to treat him to some time away.. Thie reviews for this hotel were head and shoulders above the rest hence choosing it but in hindsight we should have gone somewhere else and I wish we had

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheeseandlobster · 28/09/2020 09:08

@Todaythiscouldbe

I'm only reading this in the hope we will eventually discover this tiny place with one hotel where it rains all the time.

I never said there is only 1 hotel in the area. There were a few hotels in our budget but most had bad or very mixed reviews.

OP posts:

Benjispruce2 · 28/09/2020 09:08

Why would you go somewhere you’d already planned to go to later? Very odd. You e cancelled on her so you pay her £100 back.

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