Should I have offered to reimburse her deposit?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I booked a holiday next year for myself and dc. My cousin who I am close to asked if she could join us so I said yes of course so she paid £100 deposit on the hotel. She goes away a fair bit and often books refundable rooms.

This month the same hotel came up at a really good price so dc and I thought we would go. I wouldnt normally do this but we have both been desperate for a break (dc is adult ds). However while we were there we had power cuts, no hot water for days, non stop rain, damp rooms and the area is a lot smaller than anticipated so we feel we have done it now and we really dont want to go back.

I asked my cousin if she would be able to change her booking, suggesting we go to another country she has always wanted to visit instead and explaining our reasons for not wanting to return again. The other country is generally cheaper and with better weather. She has been very curt and abrupt saying she has contacted the hotel, she is going to lose her deposit and she wont be coming away in June.

My cousin is very very well off and doesnt need to work so I dont think its the money. I have made it clear that we would love for her to still join us next year. She has been to the place we have just returned from so its not as if she is missing out on seeing it. And to be honest I dont want to waste 2 weeks annual leave in the rain again and with no hot water etc and nor does ds who gets only a small amount of annual leave. But I have been left wondering whether she wanted me to repay the deposit or if she is generally just pissed off. Should I offer to repay the deposit or just leave her to come round in her own time( I will also be losing our deposit too)

You were really rude and honestly I think you behaved like a complete knobhead. God, who needs enemies with friends like you? If I were her, I wouldn't speak to you again.

@Gizlotsmum

Even if she was gatecrashing your holiday, even if she had all the money in the world, you agreed to her coming along, you then went to the place booked for this holiday (odd why not go somewhere else?) and have now decided you don't want to go back... So you will cancel... Because why would you go now? Can you not see how hurtful that must be?

I am not cancelling on her. I have said it would be lovely for us all to go somewhere else together. Its the hotel I am cancelling and the area though if the weather was better I would come again. Such a small area has been miserable in the rain

Where was it?

Why would it be raining all summer?

You still don't seem to understand why she would be upset.

It's irrelevant how much money she has or how many other holidays she goes on. She made an arrangement to go away with you.

You've now pissed all over it by going there without her and suddenly ringing her up and started yakking on about foreign holidays- and who even knows if they will be possible next year.

In the circumstances an initial email to explain the situation would have been better, as there is a lot to take in but there are semi decent explanations for most of it.

Does she live alone ? Might also explain why she's sensitive to a change of plans.

We dont have a lot of money and there were not many places with good reviews for our budget. So it wasnt a deliberate thing

Well it was an accident was it? You chose to book the same hotel and area. Of course it was deliberate.

This is one of the weirdest things I have ever read! Why would you agree for her to come and then go a year in advance without her? That can't be the only hotel in the world that fit your budget.

Are you sure you like this cousin? If I was her I would assume you didn't actually want me to come so you moved the holiday and then made me lose money!

So you all think ds and I should just suck up 2 weeks of rain, no hot water and damp rooms? As I said earlier, we havent cancelled yet. We said we were thinking of it and asked if she could change her booking. She goes away a lot and often changes things around hence the normal booking of refundable rooms. I thought she might be ok with it seeing as it isn't what any of us expected. She wouldn't be happy with it either. But I will refund her deposit and apologise again ( I have already apologised)

Tgis thread is so bizarre.

Even if you only had a limited budget that doesn't prevent you choosing any other hotel in any other location. To choose the same hotel and same location is so mind-bogglingly odd.

Even if you had, had an amazing time you wouldn't honestly have wanted to go back to the same place and repeat the holiday next year.

So she needs to rebook somewhere else... What's stopping you from doing exactly the same thing again? What if she had gone to this place, decided like you did it was horrible and she wouldn't go again, then rang you to tell you how horrible it was and how you shouldn't go somewhere you booked to go with her..

You messed her around. You went in advance to the place she had agreed to visit with you and then changed your mind. I'd be as curt as your cousin. Can't stand this sort of behaviour. And yes, you should pay her back, along with a grovelling apology and small present if you want to get back on good terms.

I think the damage has already been done. This is such an odd thing to do! I don't think you'll be going away with your cousin anytime soon.

@rookiemere

You still don't seem to understand why she would be upset.

It's irrelevant how much money she has or how many other holidays she goes on. She made an arrangement to go away with you.

You've now pissed all over it by going there without her and suddenly ringing her up and started yakking on about foreign holidays- and who even knows if they will be possible next year.

In the circumstances an initial email to explain the situation would have been better, as there is a lot to take in but there are semi decent explanations for most of it.

Does she live alone ? Might also explain why she's sensitive to a change of plans.

I did send an initial email. And yes she does live alone. I do understand why she is pissed off but I thought she might be happy she didnt end up somewhere bad as we could all have gone somewhere hopefully better instead. This was never done to hurt her though I can see why she is. This is why I asked on here for honest opinions and I am glad I did

@Cheeseandlobster

So you all think ds and I should just suck up 2 weeks of rain, no hot water and damp rooms? As I said earlier, we havent cancelled yet. We said we were thinking of it and asked if she could change her booking. She goes away a lot and often changes things around hence the normal booking of refundable rooms. I thought she might be ok with it seeing as it isn't what any of us expected. She wouldn't be happy with it either. But I will refund her deposit and apologise again ( I have already apologised)

This is tricky.. Probably not but if you hadn't gone there already you would have had too. You can't undo going (which I think was your mistake). How long do you have till you need to cancel? Maybe try again in a few days.. Admit it was a shitty thing to do (going there now) but ask if she really wants to go there knowing what you do about the accommodation.. Would you go to the place but stay somewhere else or do you feel you have done the place too (can you see how that would be more hurtful than just changing accommodation?)

It also sounds like she really wanted to go to the place booked - Lake District?- perhaps she has fond memories of previous visits.

I'm glad you're taking the advice on board, hopefully a genuine apology and a refund of her deposit will diffuse the situation you caused.

She gave you her deposit for that hotel. If you no longer want to go to that hotel then you should return her deposit.
If she doesn't want to go somewhere else, that's up to her.
It doesn't mean she should lose her deposit because you've changed your mind.

So if you do cancel, yes, you should refund her.

@TinySleepThief

Tgis thread is so bizarre.

Even if you only had a limited budget that doesn't prevent you choosing any other hotel in any other location. To choose the same hotel and same location is so mind-bogglingly odd.

Even if you had, had an amazing time you wouldn't honestly have wanted to go back to the same place and repeat the holiday next year.

I honestly thought I would. This place has fantastic reviews for a budget hotel as does the area. Its the only place I have been to though that I wouldnt go to again. Lesson learnt here too

Don’t “offer” to pay her the deposit just send her the money and an apology

It’s not that posters think you should suck it up and go to the rubbish place again, it’s that you shouldn’t have booked it in the first place, that’s what was odd.

If you start from this position, you might be able to better explain the problem to your cousin.

@VettiyaIruken

She gave you her deposit for that hotel. If you no longer want to go to that hotel then you should return her deposit. If she doesn't want to go somewhere else, that's up to her. It doesn't mean she should lose her deposit because you've changed your mind.

So if you do cancel, yes, you should refund her.

I dont have her deposit. She booked after us

Could you offer to transfer her deposit to your new destination- then she’d know you still want her company?

(Though I don’t get how you checked the reviews, it was the only decent place yet was so bad you wouldn’t return).

I honestly thought I would. This place has fantastic reviews for a budget hotel as does the area. Its the only place I have been to though that I wouldnt go to again. Lesson learnt here too

But it's not just the hotel, surely if you were being honest you really wouldn't want to visit the same area, redo the attractions and repeat the exact same holiday??

@Imissmoominmama

Could you offer to transfer her deposit to your new destination- then she’d know you still want her company?

I will just give her £100 back then she can choose what she does with it. We were never on the same booking- she nooked a few weeks after us

Bloody hell. I am sorry. My reading comprehension is clearly non existent today! Well, I made a twat of myself didn't I? 😂

OP may I give you a perspective of why she might be upset? I have been to the same area on holiday many times in the SW, I love it. It’s small, I’ve seen everything and even though it’s miserable in the rain I still love it. If someone said I could come with them I would be delighted, and then a bit heartbroken that they cancelled, and went without me, and that they didn’t love it too. Yes you should ideally refund her deposit.