Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

[bigdecisionstomake]

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed.

So....to the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

I know this isnt the crux of the issue but you have a fully grown man, your DS, living in your house and being cared for like a child, and you're not even using his rent money but putting it to the side fie him as if he were 7?

Lame.

I don't think he should pay towards the boiler l, as it is very clearly your house, and 25% of household bills seems reasonable as there are four adults in the house.

However do I think your partner ought to be paying you rent. Otherwise he is essentially living rent free.

So he's living free with you and not paying any rent, and the costs of his contribution to council tax, insurance, utilities and so on are considerably less than he'd pay if he was living alone, is that right? The rent he gets is paying off his mortgage, so he's got a lot of spending money each month, I assume. He's onto a good thing, isn't he?

He's going to enjoy all the benefits of a modern boiler, so I'd ask him to contribute towards it. I'd also investigate asking him to pay more for expenses or something in lieu of rent. Otherwise I'd consider recategorising him as renting a room under the rent-a-room scheme: you don't pay tax on that. By categorising him formally as a lodger you may be protecting yourself legally from any future claim on your property.

Have you thought about what might happen in the future once his mortgage is paid off? Will that be the point when he decides the relationship's over? I know I sound cynical but I can't help feeling that if he was an honourable sort of man he'd be offering a contribution towards your boiler and insisting on paying his way more. Paying the bare minimum for years isn't a good sign.

You need to have a think about this and talk to him and possibly also a lawyer.

@GoldfishParade

I know this isnt the crux of the issue but you have a fully grown man, your DS, living in your house and being cared for like a child, and you're not even using his rent money but putting it to the side fie him as if he were 7?

Lame.

Not lame at all.

Lots of parents, if they can afford to do so, treat rent paid as a savings scheme for their adult child and return it to them when they leave home. So it can be used to give them a start in life.

That isn’t lame. It’s selfless and generous and something parents do if they can.

Your comment is belittling towards the Op and I can only assume you have a chip on you shoulder about this.

Changes nothing. She isn’t the reason he has a mortgage to pay!
So it's ok to make a profit of him? A partner of 8 years?

Their relationship means he is bringing in an extra income. Let’s say it’s £500 a month
Rest shows the ignorance of being a LL. Trisolaris says that her rental it covers everything. That's if you're lucky and usually are not in the 40% tax bracket. Once you are, you start usually do ding that you have to top up to repay the capital.

The point is that that if he wasn't there, if anything, she might have MORe disposable income as many of her bills would go down by more than 25%
Very likely. Her council tax would be the same, as her broadband. Electricity and gas would only reduce marginally. Oy food would make a difference.

But if he was single he'd suddenly be losing out hugely as, you know, he'd have to pay bloody rent
Or maybe he'd lived with his parents for free?

More likely, he would be living in his home and pay a bit more BUT, he would have security of tenure. At the moment, he could be kicked out at any time.

The attitude of 'i have no qualms making a profit of you because you'd be worse off without me otherwise' doesn't sit well me, especially in a committed relationship of 8 years.

@Shortfeet

THAT’S AN INSANE PRICE FOR A BOILER ! where do you live ? My bil is a heating engineer and charges about 1200 for a new boiler

That would get you a boiler in a studio flat, perhaps a one bed in a lot of places.

I cannot believe it never occurred to this cocklodger to pay for a holiday for you considering how cheaply he lives. Glad you’ve finally had the scales taken from your eyes.... and still paying 25% despite only being 3 of you at home for the most part! You’ve subbed him tens of thousands over the years!

I wouldn't want him contributing. You have essentially treated him as a lodger and set the rent (including bills and food) at 25%. Meanwhile if it all goes tits up you expect him not to have a claim on the property. You can't have it both ways in my view.

You have to be so careful with things like this.

Lots of people saying it's unfair that he doesn't pay more than his share of the bills, but the reality it is protecting OP from him having any claim on her property.

If he pays towards something major like a boiler he would have a very strong claim that he has a financial stake in the house.

My partner lives with me in my flat and I prefer to keep a clear line. He pays towards the bills but I pay for the mortgage and for any major repairs/installations/decorating. That's my choice, as in my eyes either I need to give him an interest in the property officially or he is essentially a tenant and isn't responsible for major repairs etc.

I say don't muddy the water.

I wouldn't want him contributing. You have essentially treated him as a lodger and set the rent (including bills and food) at 25%. Meanwhile if it all goes tits up you expect him not to have a claim on the property. You can't have it both ways in my view.

Completely agree. It is a very complicated area of law and it doesn't take much for someone to win a claim in court if they've contributed towards household costs, particularly something like a boiler.

People may think OP's DP is getting a sweet ride but he's always the one who will have to leave if things go south. Yes he has his own place, and so does OP - that's obviously a decision they made together. Keep their own places rather than buying together.

I second the suggestion of getting a rough cost of a shared house cost on rent a room or equivalent. Then he's a lodger and has no claim etc.

Or as you've suggested, you get somewhere together and rent yours out and go 50/50 in new place.. His reaction to this idea will be telling.

@dontdisturbmenow

Changes nothing. She isn’t the reason he has a mortgage to pay! So it's ok to make a profit of him? A partner of 8 years?

Their relationship means he is bringing in an extra income. Let’s say it’s £500 a month
Rest shows the ignorance of being a LL. Trisolaris says that her rental it covers everything. That's if you're lucky and usually are not in the 40% tax bracket. Once you are, you start usually do ding that you have to top up to repay the capital.

The point is that that if he wasn't there, if anything, she might have MORe disposable income as many of her bills would go down by more than 25%
Very likely. Her council tax would be the same, as her broadband. Electricity and gas would only reduce marginally. Oy food would make a difference.

But if he was single he'd suddenly be losing out hugely as, you know, he'd have to pay bloody rent
Or maybe he'd lived with his parents for free?

More likely, he would be living in his home and pay a bit more BUT, he would have security of tenure. At the moment, he could be kicked out at any time.

The attitude of 'i have no qualms making a profit of you because you'd be worse off without me otherwise' doesn't sit well me, especially in a committed relationship of 8 years.

He is profiting from her.

I said assume the rent before tax etc is £500. After tax and agents fees it might be a lot less. But she should get half of the ‘take home’ and that ‘take home’ is unconnected to his mortgage. He could be paying £2000 in mortgage - so what? That’s his bill to pay. The income from rent is because of their relationship and he should give her half the take home from that before considering the mortgage cost itself.

It’s irrelevant whether it isn’t costing her anything to have him live with her. Profit should be shared. He’s making that profit because he lives with her.

Why would he live with his parents?! What a bonkers idea. Should we all live with our parents while tenants pay our mortgages?

You think she shouldn’t profit from him. But it’s ok he’s profiting from her. How is that ok? Or are you just struggling to understand why it isn’t ok?

Also, how long are you going to live with him essentially as man and wife for him to leave his assets to his brother at the end of it. You've been together 8 years not 8 weeks.

Having only read the first page of this thread my immediate thoughts are that he pays no rent.

He should stump up half the cost of the boiler.

Absolutely, why isn't he treating you to the more expensive holidays ?

@willitbetonight

I wouldn't want him contributing. You have essentially treated him as a lodger and set the rent (including bills and food) at 25%. Meanwhile if it all goes tits up you expect him not to have a claim on the property. You can't have it both ways in my view.

Not 25% of his salary. 25% of bills and food.

He can’t be spending more than £500 a month. While he has his whole salary income plus rental income to cover his mortgage. He must have a fortune saved up.

@Bibidy

You have to be so careful with things like this.

Lots of people saying it's unfair that he doesn't pay more than his share of the bills, but the reality it is protecting OP from him having any claim on her property.

If he pays towards something major like a boiler he would have a very strong claim that he has a financial stake in the house.

My partner lives with me in my flat and I prefer to keep a clear line. He pays towards the bills but I pay for the mortgage and for any major repairs/installations/decorating. That's my choice, as in my eyes either I need to give him an interest in the property officially or he is essentially a tenant and isn't responsible for major repairs etc.

I say don't muddy the water.

Presumably he doesn’t have a second property that is generating an income?!

Though far better to charge rent and have a legal agreement than having him live for free off you. Paying towards bills like a houseshare but without paying the rent?! Bonkers!

@willitbetonight

Also, how long are you going to live with him essentially as man and wife for him to leave his assets to his brother at the end of it. You've been together 8 years not 8 weeks.

Exactly! I’d be more impressed if he was putting you on the deeds to his property!

That's my choice, as in my eyes either I need to give him an interest in the property officially or he is essentially a tenant and isn't responsible for major repairs etc.

Tenants pay rent. Not just a share of the bills. Formalise it, put it in writing, do whatever, but please, this idea that a man paying a bit of rent to his partner means that he's then going to be able to take the house is ridiculous. Sign a tenancy agreement if that's the concern.

I wouldn't want him contributing. You have essentially treated him as a lodger and set the rent (including bills and food) at 25%. Meanwhile if it all goes tits up you expect him not to have a claim on the property. You can't have it both ways in my view
Exactly that.

He is no profiting of her. They had an agreement that suited OP because she didn't want him to gain any rights to her property which was fair enough. It's now that this is costing OP that this is being questioned. It isn't right.

so what? That’s his bill to pay
Oh, but no 'so what, the boiler is not her bill to pay'. It will never be his boiler, so why should he contribute?

Or maybe he should pay, but take it out if he moved out and give her half if the residual value when he does?

@dontdisturbmenow

I wouldn't want him contributing. You have essentially treated him as a lodger and set the rent (including bills and food) at 25%. Meanwhile if it all goes tits up you expect him not to have a claim on the property. You can't have it both ways in my view Exactly that.

He is no profiting of her. They had an agreement that suited OP because she didn't want him to gain any rights to her property which was fair enough. It's now that this is costing OP that this is being questioned. It isn't right.

What nonsense!

Op was befuddled into believing it was fair because she had no mortgage and his rental income paid his mortgage. She it was ‘even’.

He hoodwinked her. Intended or not, if the positions were reverse I doubt the same would have happened.

Now she needs to put a stop to it.

@dontdisturbmenow

so what? That’s his bill to pay Oh, but no 'so what, the boiler is not her bill to pay'. It will never be his boiler, so why should he contribute?

Or maybe he should pay, but take it out if he moved out and give her half if the residual value when he does?

No I don’t think he should pay her £1000 towards the boiler.

I think he should pay her 8 years of backdated rent so she can buy a boiler and a new car without breaking a sweat!

@SpaceOP

That's my choice, as in my eyes either I need to give him an interest in the property officially or he is essentially a tenant and isn't responsible for major repairs etc.

Tenants pay rent. Not just a share of the bills. Formalise it, put it in writing, do whatever, but please, this idea that a man paying a bit of rent to his partner means that he's then going to be able to take the house is ridiculous. Sign a tenancy agreement if that's the concern.

Absolutely agree!

He owes you so much money.

He hoodwinked her
Very nice if you to assume OP is weak and stupid. Or maybe this arrangement has suited her for 8 years,because she wanted to make sure he had no right to her house, but now wants him to pay when it is costing her.

What happens when the roof goes, will he be expected to pay half of that too? Where does it end?