Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

[bigdecisionstomake]

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed.

So....to the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

[Mmn654123]

If he wasn’t with op he would be living in his home and paying his mortgage.

Instead he’s receiving rent. Let’s say that even £500 a month.

He should have given her £250 of that every month plus a share of bills.

12 months a year and 8 years @ £250 a month and he would owe her £24,000.

No wonder he has more cash to throw about. He’s £48k up and op is gaining none of the financial benefit. He should be adding a nice car to that boiler to even things up a bit.

[Mmn654123]

@mum11970

Bear in mind if he pays towards the boiler it is partly his, how are you going to give him his share should you split up?

How is he giving her a share of the income generated on the back of them living together?! Why is she letting him pay off his mortgage at her expense?!!

[shitinmyhandsandclap]

@mum11970

Bear in mind if he pays towards the boiler it is partly his, how are you going to give him his share should you split up?

He's had his share and more by paying peanuts for 8 years!

[NigellaAwesome]

He sounds like a cock lodger.

I don't think he should pay half the boiler - but should be paying more towards bills and also paying rent to you to cover precisely this sort of thing.

I like the idea pp suggested of looking up rental prices in your area for room & bills, then charging that. And make sure it is in writing.

[AdaColeman]

In effect, you’ve been subsidising his living costs for the last eight years.
You need a detailed look at your household expenses, then reassess what he pays including an element for rent/white goods wear & tear etc so his contribution more realistically matches your joint life style.

It sounds as though you get absolutely no benefit from his own property, whilst he benefits greatly from your property.

[PivotPivott]

@Itsabeautifuldayheyhey

If your DP needed a new boiler or central heating system at the home he owns, would you contribute towards it? The answer should tell you whether he should contribute to the cost of the system in your home.

Well he or she doesn't live there.... so yes he should contribute unless he wants to talk cold showers and have no heating.

[PivotPivott]

Take*

[Felifox]

You have two properties, yours is mortgage free, he has a mortgage which is funded by being rented out. So he is also building a capital asset for himself without any cost to himself. He should be paying around 50% of the household bills to include an element of rent.

[LockdownLemon]

Surely he should be offering to contribute? If you have to ask, then that's a bit of a red flag.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

How about simply splitting his rental income between you and dividing all other bills in two when your DC are not there and in 25% and 75% when they are?

[Florencex]

@Mmn654123

My comment was about who pays for the boiler and why I think the lodger / tenant arrangement they have means he should not have to and indeed how she sets herself up for him declaring a beneficial interest if he start contributing to the upkeep of the asset.

Quite how this comments leads you to conclude I mean...

so he should receive full rental income in his property...

..is unfathomable

They are two totally unrelated matters and I have not even given any thought to the second matter, never mind suggested that the first means this. You make no sense.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

No as you own the house and he has no financial interest in it.

25% seems fair given there are three of you and one of him (albeit one at uni some of the time). He is at the mercy of being thrown out at any point so in a very precarious situation.

[redastherose]

He should be paying you more. You are essentially 3 adults in a house, even if you are covering your adult DS's share he should be paying at least a third of all costs (food, heating, lighting etc) and that includes contributing to big household bills, so £1,300 towards the boiler would be fair. Otherwise why should he benefit from the heating in your house!

[Mmn654123]

[quote Florencex]@Mmn654123

My comment was about who pays for the boiler and why I think the lodger / tenant arrangement they have means he should not have to and indeed how she sets herself up for him declaring a beneficial interest if he start contributing to the upkeep of the asset.

Quite how this comments leads you to conclude I mean...

so he should receive full rental income in his property...

..is unfathomable

They are two totally unrelated matters and I have not even given any thought to the second matter, never mind suggested that the first means this. You make no sense.[/quote]
I’m equally baffled by you only considering one aspect and encouraging the op to continue to accept the crazy situation she finds herself in. What is the point of your advice in that case?

[VivaMiltonKeynes]

Too late for OP now but for others you should get one of these

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2018/what-is-a-cohabitation-agreement/

[Jaichangecentfoisdenom]

@yesterdaystotalsteps123

You are enabling him to pay off his own mortgage, and every penny you subsidise him you're taking from your children. You won't have any claim on his house when you have essentially helped him to pay off his mortgage. If the relationship ends he can move back to his house you have helped him pay off over the past 8 years. If he hasn't offered to pay half of the boiler I would be asking why keep a dog when you can bark yourself

This!

And as someone else has said, as he has more disposable income because of the rent he's getting for his own house, he should be paying to take you on expensive holidays!

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

He is at the mercy of being thrown out at any point so in a very precarious situation

He can move back to the house that his renters have been paying his mortgage on!

[Mmn654123]

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

No as you own the house and he has no financial interest in it.

25% seems fair given there are three of you and one of him (albeit one at uni some of the time). He is at the mercy of being thrown out at any point so in a very precarious situation.

Nothing precarious about his situation. He has been receiving rent on his property throughout.

I would find it unforgivable that op has struggled to ‘keep up’ with his lifestyle when she’s been paying his way all along. He owes her vast sums of money.

I would find it so distasteful that he didn’t see this is unfair and correct it, that I don’t think I could continue the relationship.

[Arthersleep]

Wow!! Of course he should be contributing. You are both living there and have done so for 8 years. He should be paying 50% of the bills. Had he been doing so all along, you would have been able to afford a new boiler in the first place.

[SpaceOP]

So to clarify, because YOU are mortgage free, he has been living rent free for 8 years?

How do people get into these situations? I have no issue with him getting a discounted rent - you don't want to be gauging your partner - but for gods sake, he should be paying at least enough to cover wear and tear one a cumulative period.

God, this makes me so angry. I'm sure he didn't MEAN to be screwing you over, but it never stops shocking me how often it is that WOMEN are the ones who are so worried about seeming "grabby" that men are happily left to do what they like.

Please ,make him pay rent.

PS I have a female part time worker who charges me per hour and sends me timesheets. I discovered that she was regularly doing say, 2 hours and 7 minutes work but was then charging me just 2 hours because she didn't feel she could round up. I told her to stop.

The point is that I suspect a man would have happily just let her continue being shafted on the basis that, "she didn't ask for more". But there's a moral imperative here that too often is ignored.

I am so irrationally furious on the behalf of a woman who I don't know from the internet!

[SpaceOP]

Oh, and I would tell him that you would like a contribution to the cost for the boiler as he hasn't paid rent for the last 8 years and then propose a new set up going forward. He can pay 25% of the bills as he does currently (although, with your kids there only part time, that still seems a bit low to me) and a contribution in the form of rent that will allow you to ensure that you can continue to maintain the home etc.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

I suspect that this is the time you need to sit down with him and have that conversation.

His finances over the last 8 years
Your finances over the last 8 years

Compare and contrast... who is blushing?

As others have said, because you are where you are financially has given him a great 8 years of low outgoings. He is living off you, taking money from your kids. Have the conversation and see how he repsonds. You can make a far more informed decision when you know whether or not he will willingly step up!

Though, to be honest, he can't have missed the basic facts for 8 years, can he?

[Iamdobby63]

I agree that you should pay for the boiler but you should be charging him rent, which would go towards upkeep of the house and future unexpected expenses.

[mallowa]

please don't let yourself be duped out of money rightfully yours - sounds like you've enabled him for many years. All costs should be split 50/50. Put a stop to this now!

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I know it's far from the main point of this thread, but I agree that £4K for a combi boiler sounds extortionate. A decent independent engineer could probably do it for half of that. Ours was about £1,300 all in for a new Worcester Bosch, but we have a friend who works there who kindly used his friends and family discount to get someting like 30% off the boiler itself for us.

British Gas and the other big brands will be adding their own bunce at every single step of the process. Bear in mind that they also sell (and heavily promote) boiler insurance, so the higher the cost that they can tell potential customers a new boiler will set them back, the more likely those people are to buy their insurance; so BG and their ilk cash in either way.