Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

[bigdecisionstomake]

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed.

So....to the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

[Palavah]

No contribution to the boiler.

You have an adult living in your house who is not paying rent, so you need to start charging him rent. It would have been nice if he'd offered but he hasn't.

33% of CT as students don't have to pay that.
25-33% of bills depending on what you think is a fair reflection of usage given student DC isn't around for several months of the year.
33% of groceries assuming that's covering the 3 of you who are around most of the time.

I also hope all the adults in the house, regardless of whether they work, are pulling their weight in terms of housework.

[katy1213]

So he rents out his own house and lives cheaply off you? Landed on his feet, didn't he?

[Aweebawbee]

He is benefiting from rental income from his property, which you have no share of, and is living rent free at yours.

Not fair!

[LockdownLemon]

Won't the price depend a bit on how much replumbing there is? Switching to a combi boiler and removing the water tank would probably be more than a simple boiler replacement?

[contrmary]

There are four adults there so his 25% contribution to household bills seems perfectly reasonable, assuming he's not the father of your adult children. The other 75% should be covered by you.

I don't think it's fair to expect him to stump up for your boiler either, assuming you want to keep it as your house (singular rather than your house (plural).

[Crownofthorns]

Speechless that people don’t think he should contribute towards the boiler. He lives in the house and benefits from using it, plus you are supposed to be a team! If he is earning more than you he should also be contributing AT LEAST 50% of household bills rather than 25% - why isn’t he? It’s outrageous that you should even have to contemplate clearing out your rainy day fund/use a credit card to pay for a new boiler because he doesn’t pay his share. Does he know this? How can this sit right with him?!

I had this exact issue a few months ago as my DH technically owns our house and our antiquated boiler gave up the ghost. DH is good at finding competitive quotes and managed to get a Vaillant boiler for £2k including installation. He has plenty of savings but it wouldn’t have occurred to me not to contribute (since I could afford it - haven’t always been able to). I know he would do the same for me and like your partner I also own and rent out a house.

You can also get a top of the range boiler for a lot less than £4K if you look around. My mum got a Worcester Boch combi boiler for my mum last year for just under £3k including installation and even then I think we were overcharged. My mum lives in an affluent area too so jobs like this don’t come cheap. I would look around and try to haggle as £4K is a huge amount of money to pay for a new boiler, especially if you are going to be the one footing the bill!

[youngestisapsycho]

I'd be more concerned about who has quoted you £4K for a combi boiler?!

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

He should be paying rent, he is profiteering from you and all the years that this continues will mean you are financially supporting him at your and your DC's expense. He has had a very sweet deal all these years and you need to change it as you have been financially disadvantaged and will continue to be so unless you sort this out now. I have never allowed a man to abuse me financially and I never will.

[dottiedodah]

I would certainly be asking him for a contribution maybe around 25% of the new boiler costs (Unless he lives in an unheated room on his own!)He also seems to be on quite the deal here doesnt he? He is hardly playing fair by only contributing 25% of his salary towards rent and household bills,while letting out his own house and salting away quite a lot of savings!

[dottiedodah]

Also as above PP said 4K for a new Boiler seems extreme to me .We paid under 3k as well and also in an affluent area .Maybe see if you can shop around a bit ?

[Wherehavetheteletubbiesgone]

If you ask for it expect him to have a claim on part of the house as he would have contributed towards the maintinence. Also i don't have an issue with him paying only 25% your kids are his financial responsibility.

[Darkstar4855]

He should contribute, unless he is paying market equivalent in rent and bills already.

[CheetasOnFajitas]

@IDontMindMarmite

OP, have you not realised that he has benefitted massively from you here? Because of you he's getting his mortgage paid off for him! He doesn't have any mortgage or rent coming out of his salary! Only 25% of bills. This is grossly unfair. Have you guys had this conversation?

This is the crux of it.

Since he moved in with you he has been able to pay less for his own accommodation than most adults would. Yes, you were already living there and paying your mortgage before he came on the scene, but he now shares the living arrangement with you and you should be paid properly for that privilege. I can see how this happened but you need to stop him gaining this unfair advantage right now.

[MGMidget]

What are your long term plans because if he contributes to the cost of items that are part of the house and you subsequently split up he may be able to claim an entitlement to a share of the house. If, on the other hand he contributes to household bills I think that's OK but do look into this. You own the house outright at the moment. How would you feel if there was a break-up and he wanted a share of the property?

[Chloemol]

If your child is at uni, surely the bills should then be split twothirds to you one third to him?

[Chantelli]

Eye watering op. Of course he should be paying market rent and to make up for the back log of this not being paid he should stump up half for the boiler. Not your children ffs.

[grenlei]

I have to say this is why my DP and I (we don't yet live together but when we do) will be moving into a joint home (and either renting out or selling our respective houses) and splitting everything 50/50. In the OP's position I can see it from both sides - he is still financially responsible for his own house, and any upkeep, and although he will get the benefit of the boiler, equally so will OP (and also anything that adds to the future sale price of her home). I think these situations are tricky otherwise. I get why for the sake of DC it's easier for the new partner to move into the family home but it does result in this kind of issue arising.

[billy1966]

4,000 is a ridiculous amount. Shop around.

He must not be able to
believe his luck to be living for how much?? exactly ....at your house...while he pays off his morgage. How much exactly does he pay OP?

It sounds as if he's made a Class A mug out of you for 8 years.

🙄

[iwantmyownicecreamvan]

If you're upgrading to a combi it might be that some pipework and radiators etc also need replacing. I have been looking into this myself and have been warned that some a lot of my system would need upgrading - mind you, it is ancient. Maybe this is where some of the cost comes from.

[bigdecisionstomake]

Thanks wise people of mumsnet for your help with this. I really appreciate all your opinions and it’s interesting to see how they vary.

I think I will be paying for the boiler myself but have already started a conversation with DP about increasing his monthly contribution to the running of the house.

The more I read the more I wonder if the best long term option is for us to get a place jointly and to rent mine out as well as his. I suspect I would be financially better off in that scenario so definitely food for thought!

[3rdNamechange]

Also some companies you have boiler insurance with put a bit extra on the plan for a new boiler. That's what I did.
He should contribute yes , he's using it daily.

[Palavah]

Bear in mind the council tax and capital gains tax implications if you do that - doesn't mean you shouldnt, just take it into consideration

[S00LA]

The more I read the more I wonder if the best long term option is for us to get a place jointly and to rent mine out as well as his. I suspect I would be financially better off in that scenario so definitely food for thought!

That’s an excellent idea. That would give you the rental income so you will be able to help your older child with his house deposit fund. And the same with the younger one when he leaves uni.

That way you will pay only half the bills ( instead of 75% ) and half the repair and maintenance ( instead of 100%). Of course you will also have mortgage repayments but you will own half the asset.

Just make sure you get proper independence legal advice before you buy together. Remember you will have to pay an extra purchase tax as it’s a second home for both of you.

[GabriellaMontez]

The more I read the more I wonder if the best long term option is for us to get a place jointly and to rent mine out as well as his

This suggestion would certainly illustrate to him how unbalanced the current financial situation is. If he was opposed to this it would tell you a lot about him.

[Mmn654123]

@dottiedodah

I would certainly be asking him for a contribution maybe around 25% of the new boiler costs (Unless he lives in an unheated room on his own!)He also seems to be on quite the deal here doesnt he? He is hardly playing fair by only contributing 25% of his salary towards rent and household bills,while letting out his own house and salting away quite a lot of savings!

Not 25% of his salary. He’s only contributing 25% of the bills. He is living rent free but not sharing the rent he receives!

Talking about increasing his contribution op? How about talking about the fact he owes you tens of thousands of pounds?!!!!