Am I an awful parent?

[Randomnamechange26]

I know this will probably generate a lot of hate either way, so name change.

I occasionally, smoke a joint or two to help unwind.

I have a physical disability which affects my joints and muscles. I'm a long term smoker from my youth but have dramatically cut back since having my DC.

I see so much 'mummy wine culture' and having a bottle or a few glasses in an evening and this is totally acceptable, but, smoking a joint or two is totally different and deemed, 'neglectful, outrageous and automatically a druggy'

An I an awful parent? Is it seriously not that common anymore?

My parents smoked it when I grew up so did DH's, a lot of our friends have or still do.

@aprilanne So, you are saying, I should take, rramadol or morphine which I'm prescribed, which knock me out so hard I probably would not wake in an emergency. Make me feel so high in a completely different way that I don't have a scooby what's going on, make me sick, dizzy, absolutely loopy, and, then id be a better parent? Compared to a joint or two when I'm really sore and in desperation after exhausting all other avenues (bath, hot/cold pack, paracetamol, resting, Epsom salts, massage etc?) which makes me relaxed, in all aspects and I don't get those shit side effects? Yeah... OK

It seems like an awful lot of you automatically assume, I'm a drug addict who sits in desperation on where I'm going to get my next fix, I smoke til I'm incapable of doing anything, neglect and abuse my children because thats what addicts do? Am emotionally abusing and distant from them and in general a complete 'sterotypical' druggy.

Which is couldn't be further from the truth! My children have a regular routine, loved, care for, 3 hot meals a day, i do a lot of the educational side of their care, following educational guidelines for their ages to ensure targets are met with them and they are meeting milestones for their ages. I do NOT smoke every single night. I do not smoke in the house, or if I am fully looking after them, I do not inject it into them or force them to be around it.

My point is, why is having a glass or two of something celebrated and completely fine on social media/in general ? Yet smoking a joint isn't, yes, it's illegal, its not in e ery country through and still has a negative connotation around it.

These are both 'drugs' they both are vices and make people feel a certain way. One joint or one drink is totally different to different people and how it would effect them.

Overall, I don't feel like a bad parent, just wanted to get an overall gist. Seems a lot of people still smoke tho. Thanks 👍

Wow @badbanana just saw your further comment about how I shouldn't of had kids because I smoke and my family history of it, so, I hope you never drink or anything of the sort and are absolutely pristine perfect! What an absolutely awful and disgusting comment, maybe you shouldn't of become one.

Badbanana at it again with the hyperbole and over reactions. One can only imagine they live under a rock or are incredibly naive.
Don't worry OP, I don't smoke weed because it doesn't agree with me, but DH will have a couple spliffs at weekends and he's completely competent and on the ball. And actually way more attuned to DD, if she wakes in the night or anything he's much more likely to wake before me than when he doesn't smoke.
Any of the people commenting or thinking it makes you a druggy have likely never smoked it or have only known those that abuse it. They'd be shocked how many of their highly successful and 'normal' neighbours and colleagues do too. I think some people must really be very sheltered.

I think lots on MN would be completely amazed at the number of very successful and competent people who have the occasional spliff. It’s weird to me how weed is viewed as basically the same as heroine yet it’s acceptable to go chugging the wine 4 or 5 nights of the week. I don’t smoke myself and I now rarely drink at home. Neither are great, but the idea that one is fine and the other is dangerous is a bit .

My point is, why is having a glass or two of something celebrated and completely fine on social media/in general
Who said it was something to celebrate? Because too many people rely on their glasses of wine to unwind in the evening it doesn't make it a good healthy habit.

Both are not great and should really be avoided. Both cost money that could be do better spent, especially in families whose finances are tight.

Would you mind if someone babysitting your child smoked a joint?

@FilthyforFirth

Would you mind if someone babysitting your child smoked a joint?

That's not comparable. You don't know anyone else's tolerance levels or abilities after one spliff or one glass of wine. OP knows her own limits and if the alternative is her having her legal, prescription intended meds she'd be in a much worse position.

@FilthyforFirth

Would you mind if someone babysitting your child smoked a joint?

Well yes, but I'd also be unhappy if someone babysitting my child had a glass of wine.

But do you judge someone who drinks a single glass of wine while looking after their own child? Someone who takes a prescribed strong painkiller? No? Because if not then I don't see how you can be so judgemental, as the impairment to functioning is likely be the same or less.

I barely drink, don't smoke (nicotine or weed), nor take painkillers so am not defensive here, unlike some of the pps. However, coming from a family with a long and strong history of misuse of all kinds of interesting substances, I'd be very very sad if a child of mine smoked weed young, or often at any age, but would be FAR more concerned about the impact of alcohol misuse, both in short term dangers and long term health and relationship impacts.

As a parent, skewed perceptions that weed must be worse than alcohol because it's illegal, or that smoking weed automatically incapacitates you, are just going to make your kids listen to you and trust you less once they go to parties and see how these drugs actually affect people.

@FilthyforFirth

Would you mind if someone babysitting your child smoked a joint?

No!

No I dont judge someone having a single glass of wine looking after my child as it isnt illegal and I feel confident their demeanour/behaviour wont change with a single glass.

@FilthyforFirth

No I dont judge someone having a single glass of wine looking after my child as it isnt illegal and I feel confident their demeanour/behaviour wont change with a single glass.

For people that smoke weed, their demeanor or behaviour doesn't change after one spliff either...

@CodenameVillanelle If a parent turned up with a child with an injury high and reeking of weed, it most certainly would be referring to safeguarding - the child could be at risk.

[quote FenellaMaxwell]@CodenameVillanelle If a parent turned up with a child with an injury high and reeking of weed, it most certainly would be referring to safeguarding - the child could be at risk.[/quote]
As a nurse that used to work in A&E, no this wouldn't happen.

@022828MAN it would at the one where I work. If a parent attended A&E on drugs with an injured infant how would you not mark that as a safeguarding concern?

[quote FenellaMaxwell]@022828MAN it would at the one where I work. If a parent attended A&E on drugs with an injured infant how would you not mark that as a safeguarding concern?[/quote]
'on drugs' is very subjective.

If a parent turned up with a child with a minor injury and we could smell weed we'd have a discussion with them and assess how compus they are.

If a parent turns up with a seriously injured child and was incoherent, slurring, falling over then yes most likely.

Simply smelling weed is not reason to raise safeguarding concerns.

What stands out for me is that someone along the supply chain is suffering for you to get your joint (unless you grow your own). In my home town vulnerable adults and a child have just been rescued from housing taken over by a so called cuckoo gang, who used their home as a base for growing cannabis and supplying cocaine. We also know of Vietnamese children trafficked to work in cannabis factories in local homes. Someone might have already said this, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of weed to alleviate health issues, as long as you grow your own. I've seen first hand the benefits. I've also seen first hand the disruption prolonged use can have on families, although the same can be applied to wine culture.

You cant have it both ways @022828MAN. Either 'you dont know someone elses tolerance levels and abilities after one spliff' OR 'for people that smoke weed their behaviour or demeanour doesnt change from one spliff'

Which is it?

@FilthyforFirth

You cant have it both ways *@022828MAN*. Either 'you dont know someone elses tolerance levels and abilities after one spliff' OR 'for people that smoke weed their behaviour or demeanour doesnt change from one spliff'

Which is it?

I don't have it both ways, I've said I wouldn't want someone babysitting to have a spliff OR a glass of wine, despite the fact that neither would likely hinder them. I know that I can have a glass of wine and look after my children, but I still wouldn't have one looking after someone else's children.

[quote FenellaMaxwell]@CodenameVillanelle If a parent turned up with a child with an injury high and reeking of weed, it most certainly would be referring to safeguarding - the child could be at risk.[/quote]
I really promise you that wouldn't happen. I've worked in referral screening. Hospitals make referrals for all kinds of injuries but only where there is no coherent explanation or if the parents are clearly wasted or there have been several previous injuries but because the parent smells of cannabis - no.

@Alexandernevermind

What stands out for me is that someone along the supply chain is suffering for you to get your joint (unless you grow your own). In my home town vulnerable adults and a child have just been rescued from housing taken over by a so called cuckoo gang, who used their home as a base for growing cannabis and supplying cocaine. We also know of Vietnamese children trafficked to work in cannabis factories in local homes. Someone might have already said this, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of weed to alleviate health issues, as long as you grow your own. I've seen first hand the benefits. I've also seen first hand the disruption prolonged use can have on families, although the same can be applied to wine culture.

This is a really valid point.

OP, you seem very sure of your decision in your posts, so why ask on here? Just get on with your life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So heres the valid argument some of you have been asking for. I have a diploma (equivalent to a foundation degree) in medical cannabis and CBD. Cannabis effects each person differently due to the location of the CB1 and CB2 receptors within the brain. Tolerance also plays a huge role in the effects. So you can not compare your experience with anyone else’s. You can consume cannabis and not get ‘wasted’ just like you can have a glass of wine and not get drunk. As for being able to deal this an emergancy this is about knowing how cannabis effects you and how much to take, again much like wine, as long as you’ve not gone over board you will be able to ‘keep your child alive’. When inhaled the effects are felt within minutes and peek around 15 - 30 minutes so it’s easy to judge the effects and not over consume. As many of you have pointed out it can be addictive, around 10% of cannabis users go on that develop an addiction. If you could reference the studies on cannabis making parents emotionally unavailable I would be interested to read them, as I’ve not come across this in my years of research. When used correctly and sensibly cannabis works as a very effective medication for pain and many other disabilities without the side effects of many other pharmaceuticals. Especially at a microdose. A lot of the believes surrounding cannabis are the result of years and years of propagada. The book the Emperor wears no clothes is worth a read. It has been scientifically proven that second hand cannabis smoke will not cause any intoxication in children or adults. Inhaling any smoke is harmful to your lungs so I would suggest a dry herb vape as they reduce most of the risk and the smell. The vast majority of problems surrounding cannabis are because of prohibition, which is the main reason support legalisation / decriminalisation. The decriminalisation of all drugs has worked so well in Portugal. Also look into can cards. Medical cannabis has been legal in the UK since 2018 but the £2000 per month private prescription charge is unaffordable to the majority. Another important point to make is that NO ONE has EVER died from cannabis, opioids kills 100’s of thousands of people yet we would never judge another mum for taking a pain killer. Alcohol is also the most dangerous drug in the world. Read the nutt report. OP I don’t know you personally but smoking weed in itself does not make you a bad parent and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your choice of medication. Have a lovely evening.