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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I an awful parent?

148 replies

Randomnamechange26 · 27/09/2020 22:02

I know this will probably generate a lot of hate either way, so name change.

I occasionally, smoke a joint or two to help unwind.

I have a physical disability which affects my joints and muscles. I'm a long term smoker from my youth but have dramatically cut back since having my DC.

I see so much 'mummy wine culture' and having a bottle or a few glasses in an evening and this is totally acceptable, but, smoking a joint or two is totally different and deemed, 'neglectful, outrageous and automatically a druggy'

An I an awful parent? Is it seriously not that common anymore?

My parents smoked it when I grew up so did DH's, a lot of our friends have or still do.

OP posts:
hypochondriacseveywhere · 27/09/2020 23:59

Yes you are.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 28/09/2020 00:03

It’s not something I’d do, but if you’re being completely honest with yourself that it’s under control and your kids are safe, then I don’t see a problem. Just get on with it, you don’t need to check with Mumsnet.

spiderbride · 28/09/2020 00:51

God, this thread is full of people who swallowed all that Reefer Madness stuff whole, isn't it?

I've known great parents who smoke and crappy parents who don't.

ViciousJackdaw · 28/09/2020 01:02

I'm riddled with rheumatoid arthritis. Christ, it hurts. It is illegal for me to grow a plant, at my own cost, which yields helpful flowers. It is perfectly legal for me to be addicted to codeine, tramadol, morphine or fentanyl, at cost to the taxpayer. How is that right?

OP, YANBU. You're far safer with the DC after a joint than you are after a couple of glasses of whatever. Plus, if it helps you with long term pain, I'd assume that makes you a more capable mother. Enjoy!

Canuckduck · 28/09/2020 03:41

Weed is legal in Canada now. It was originally only available with a Doctor’s prescription and it still can be obtained that way. However it’s also legal for recreational use and can be purchased through government sanctioned stores in most places.

I think your use sounds fine and you seem to use it responsibly. Since it became legal here, I’ve seen an increase in friends and family smoking, vaping and taking edible cannabis. Some people just enjoy it and others use it as a way to manage anxiety or sleep issues. These are all responsible, loving parents who don’t neglect their children.

It’s not my thing but I don’t see that reasonable use is any different than enjoying a glass of wine.

Angelina82 · 28/09/2020 03:53

I don’t smoke it myself anymore but just as with booze, as long as you’re not using it as a crutch/indulging every day and you’re not smoking it around the kids (or munching all their treats!) I see any problem with it at all.

seayork2020 · 28/09/2020 04:02

I drink wine because I like the taste of it (same with other drink both alcoholic and not) DH and I share a bottle and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with wine being enjoyed for the taste.

I have never tried anything stronger than this but if I shouldn't do it around our son then I hve no desire to do it, and yes I am sure others can come up with things that we don't do around our kids ie sex but to me this can not be compared with drugs

so no as I drink wine for the taste not the effect then no I will not compare it to harder drugs.

CodenameVillanelle · 28/09/2020 04:03

Of course not!
I smoke occasionally but only when I'm socialising so not usually when I'm at home with DS but that's just circumstantial. My parents have smoked it for my entire life and quite a while before, my ex (DS dad) does, my siblings do and they all manage to raise their kids perfectly well. A LOT of people smoke a bit of weed and are also parents. As long as it's in moderation and within sensible boundaries just as alcohol should also be then it's absolutely fine.

Monty27 · 28/09/2020 04:05

@Hercwasonaroll

Personally I can't stand the smell. I judge the fuck out of the neighbours behind who smoke it and stink my garden out all the time. They're anti social.

The wine culture doesn't directly impact your kids. They don't sniff wine and get high. They can smell the drugs and it can damage them. I'm. The same about cigarettes though, would never smoke in the house of/near a child.

Chronic pain is obviously awful. Have your tried the oil instead?

Oh really? How do you work that one out Karen? Alcohol is ok?
luckystarmaking · 28/09/2020 04:09

Sorry to derail but my daughters dad, who I live with, smokes skunk from dusk till dawn. Would SS get involved? He doesn't care for her. I parent her 100%, just wondering if I could lose her over this?

TitsOutForHarambe · 28/09/2020 04:14

The wine culture doesn't directly impact your kids. They don't sniff wine and get high. They can smell the drugs and it can damage them.

I can't tell if this is supposed to be a serious comment. I'm going to assume it isn't and congratulate you on making me laugh when I was in a foul mood. Thank you.

seayork2020 · 28/09/2020 04:16

@luckystarmaking

Sorry to derail but my daughters dad, who I live with, smokes skunk from dusk till dawn. Would SS get involved? He doesn't care for her. I parent her 100%, just wondering if I could lose her over this?
Well smoking it seems totally normal it seems so I presume SS would not be bothered
CodenameVillanelle · 28/09/2020 04:28

@luckystarmaking

Sorry to derail but my daughters dad, who I live with, smokes skunk from dusk till dawn. Would SS get involved? He doesn't care for her. I parent her 100%, just wondering if I could lose her over this?
No, but why do you live with him when he doesn't parent your DD and smokes skunk all day?
CodenameVillanelle · 28/09/2020 04:29

When I said no that was to 'will I lose her' not to 'will social services get involved' - the answer to that is probably not but we can't say

Angelina82 · 28/09/2020 04:30

*I drink wine because I like the taste of it (same with other drink both alcoholic and not) DH and I share a bottle and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with wine being enjoyed for the taste.•

Maybe OP likes the taste of weed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Angelina82 · 28/09/2020 04:32

just wondering if I could lose her over this?
No, but I would definitely lose him if I were you.

TitsOutForHarambe · 28/09/2020 04:57

I drink wine because I like the taste of it (same with other drink both alcoholic and not) DH and I share a bottle and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with wine being enjoyed for the taste.

Hmm for arguments sake, let me edit this slightly -

I sniff cocaine because I like the smell of it. DH and I share a bag and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with cocaine being enjoyed for the smell.

Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?

seayork2020 · 28/09/2020 05:00

@TitsOutForHarambe

I drink wine because I like the taste of it (same with other drink both alcoholic and not) DH and I share a bottle and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with wine being enjoyed for the taste.

Hmm for arguments sake, let me edit this slightly -

I sniff cocaine because I like the smell of it. DH and I share a bag and I have no issues with this being around our son, we both grew up with cocaine being enjoyed for the smell.

Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?

wine is legal, if cocaine was as legal then do it around your kids all you like
TitsOutForHarambe · 28/09/2020 05:02

wine is legal, if cocaine was as legal then do it around your kids all you like

But weed is legal where I live. So would that make it ok? Is the legality the only issue? If so, why all this falling over yourself to explain that you are only drinking wine for the taste?

It's just all so hypocritical.

seayork2020 · 28/09/2020 05:09

@TitsOutForHarambe

wine is legal, if cocaine was as legal then do it around your kids all you like

But weed is legal where I live. So would that make it ok? Is the legality the only issue? If so, why all this falling over yourself to explain that you are only drinking wine for the taste?

It's just all so hypocritical.

Then smoke it, take cocaine, E, random chemicals people throw together, use heroin I don't care

I like wine for the taste, others do things they do for their own reasons.

I have no problem drinking wine/beer spirits around my son but I have never tried any other drug other than alcohol

If people want to do other things around their kids that is up to them

I don't care if drinking wine around my son is hypocritical

TitsOutForHarambe · 28/09/2020 05:18

You haven't really answered my question, but fair enough.

For the record, I don't do anything like that, whether around my kids or not, just because I can't really be arsed and also I live in the middle of nowhere so if something happens I have to drive. But where I live I could legally grow a few weed plants in my garden if I wanted to. I know quite a few people that do. I don't see how someone smoking some weed is any different to someone drinking some wine. In fact, when comparing abuse of both substances, as opposed to occasional indulgence, alcohol is much more harmful to health.

So I was mostly questioning it just because I often see people on MN who happily drink alcohol having a bit of a dig at people who use marijuana. I can only assume that it boils down to a social stigma in the UK, because nobody seems to think this way where I live. Perhaps if the UK legalised marijuana it would change people attitudes. Would be interesting to see.

Craddle64 · 28/09/2020 05:51

How can people be so thick when it comes to the illegality factor of your poison? Do you not understand the knock on effects of you consuming an illegal substance? The people that are harmed and exploited in the process for it to get to you so you could cope with the world for a bit?
Addicts are notoriously in denial about their usage and the impact it has on others.. and even an occasional user would be morrified if they really saw how it affects them... but how could they really when their faculties are up with the fairies or down in the dumps.
You can not be present or reliably there for your children, who unlike you do not have the option to get off their heads to 'deal'. They just watch you and wonder and look forward a day when they can get off their heads like you. Quite the role model. Very sad.

BrizNiz · 28/09/2020 06:08

Not shit parenting at all. In my opinion, it's no different to a couple of glasses of wine.

luckystarmaking · 28/09/2020 06:34

No, but why do you live with him when he doesn't parent your DD and smokes skunk all day?

Because the house is his and we would be homeless otherwise. Theres a bit of a wait for a property around here and we are close to being rehoused so best stay here than move out the borough. Not like I could afford to move anyway.

Takingontheworld · 28/09/2020 06:43

I hate mummy wine culture and would consider drinking a glass or two every evening on par with smoking. I don't think its good and i think we are massively letting mothers down if they have to resort to craving alcohol on such a frequent basis to survive life.